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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to do childminding

96 replies

kennyp · 05/07/2015 10:24

someone i know but i'm so not friends with asks me "what days could you look after my children after school"

i am NOT a childminder
i don't want to be
i work anyway
i am not a fan of her kids
i live opposite the school which i suppose is why she thinks it's okay to ask me

should i say
a. i'm busy/working/etc and can't do any afternoons
b. i don't do childcare.

this has been pissing me off for AGES (she's "waiting" to hear back about what days i can do(!!!!)) and i can't decide what to say. she's not a friend so i've got nothing to lose

OP posts:
Mermaidhair · 05/07/2015 10:51

I think she has mixed you up with someone else. At least I hope so. Just say you were so confused you didn't know what to say, but it is a no.

MyOneandYoni · 05/07/2015 10:52

Err - say I'm not registered with Ofsted... if you want a less direct answer...

Y0la · 05/07/2015 10:54

I've had this suggestion made to me a few times, 5 years ago approx, which baffled me, as I wasn't the child minding type. I think it was because I was a single parent to two and staying at home with them partly because my earning potential wasn't high enough to pay for childcare for two., so I was kind of cornered for a while. They probably thought they were doing me a favour asking me to mind their children. But it just wasn't for me. I was finding things tough enough. Also, another woman asked her mother to ask my mother if she drop off her kids at my house before work everyday (I walked them to school). Luckily my mum didn't even pass on the message to me for about five years!! She just told the woman "no, no, Yola has enough on her plate".

Y0la · 05/07/2015 11:00

Anyway, I forgot to say, I got rid of these requests by saying 'im not maternal enough to childmind'.

But reading the suggestions I prefer the straight forward "i'm not a childminder".

If you say you're not registered, she may think that you wish you were registered. But why would you register to be a childminder.? You're not registered to drive a fork lift truck either I bet.

MamaLazarou · 05/07/2015 11:09

There has been a misunderstanding. She obviously thinks you are a childminder. Just set her straight.

WorraLiberty · 05/07/2015 11:11

Someone or something has obviously made her believe you'd want to look after her kids.

You need to speak to her. Tell her you don't do childcare and politely ask her, how she got the impression you do.

The sooner the better for all concerned, including the kids.

Y0la · 05/07/2015 11:13

I'd say it's an assumption SHE made. Not fair to assume some other random person is to blame for having made that assumption. She is the one who needs a childminder, she is the one who thought ''who might do it??'' and she is the one who 1) thought of you and 2) asked you.

Maybe the best thing to do is to just ignore her texts.

lantien · 05/07/2015 11:17

I have 3 DC close together in age - they look very a like and very like us their parents.

The number of random people I encountered who assumed I must be a child-minder was quiet surprising especially when they were younger.

I'd probably ignore it until she asks again and explain I'm not a child-minder so can't have your DC.

TheMaddHugger · 05/07/2015 11:29

Mutters something about Not attributing Malice to something that can be attributed to Stupidity

Flowers OP. Stand yer Ground

mimishimmi · 05/07/2015 11:34

If you're not working, or only working school hours, or working at home you tend to get targeted by a certain type of parent who believes you are a 'lady of leisure' and therefore willing to provide free childcare. I'm sure she knows very well that you are not a childminder - she's trying it on with you first before she has to look around and pay for the care.

Since you do live opposite the school though, that could definitely be something you could look into doing .. at a premium rate Grin. Tell her you'll let her know once you're registered and you plan to charge £10+ an hour for after-school places.

WorraLiberty · 05/07/2015 11:38

Maybe the best thing to do is to just ignore her texts

WTF? Instead of simply telling the poor woman she's made a mistake, and the OP doesn't do child minding?

That's not fair to keep her dangling on a string. She needs to know ASAP that she's made a mistake.

Johnny5isAlive · 05/07/2015 11:40

She's obviously mistaken you for someone else.

Bit tbh I can't see why you're worrying about this. Straight forward - "sorry I don't mind other people's children, not sure who told you I did. Hope you sort something"

Y0la · 05/07/2015 11:42

yes, ok, ok.

But if somebody texted me asking me what days I wanted to drive a fork lift truck, I'd ignore that.

Let us know what you tell her OP!

Sallygoroundthemoon · 05/07/2015 11:43

Please just tell her now that she's made a mistake. Simply not getting back to her is inconsiderate and rude - why on earth did you not say you have muddled me up with someone else? Poor woman.

WorraLiberty · 05/07/2015 11:45

Grin @ forklift truck!

Slightly different to a Mother trying to make sure her kids are provided for.

But I agree with Johnny. The OP seems to be making a mountain out of a little molehill.

redcaryellowcar · 05/07/2015 11:56

How about say, I think you must be mixing me up with someone else, I'm not a childminder. I hear x website has a list of them locally?

plutonimum · 05/07/2015 11:58

bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb!

Original poster
kennyp · 05/07/2015 12:05

i have never been a childminder nor wanted to be one. probably becuase i work in the school she thinks i want to keep working after 330pm with OPK (Other People's Kids, not ovulation predictor kits).

thanks for all the answers Smile

OP posts:
CrystalHaze · 05/07/2015 12:09

I don't understand why she's waiting to hear back from you, as surely when she first mentioned it you'd reply with 'sorry, I can't', rather than 'I'll get back to you'?

If someone asked me 'when could you come and decorate our lounge' I'd immediately say 'sorry, I'm not a decorator, so I can't do that', so there'd be no need for me think of an appropriate response, or for them to be waiting for a response.

I genuinely don't believe that people are as entitled as to presume an acquaintance will provide their childcare for no good reason. And I don't really understand your dilemma about how to say no either.

ShimmeringCobalt · 05/07/2015 12:10

Why's it difficult to say "sorry, I don't do childminding?"

WorraLiberty · 05/07/2015 12:14

So you work in the school?

That's a bit of a drip feed as your OP only states you live opposite.

Really, just pull her to one side tomorrow and tell her you don't do child minding.

I'm sure she doesn't have time for all this palava. She just needs a yes or a no, so she can make arrangements for her kids.

chewymeringue · 05/07/2015 12:23

She's made a giant leap from you working in school to assuming you'd like to look after kids after work. That is very strange indeed! I'd just say to her "I think you've got the wrong message somehow, I don't mind other people after work and leave it at that".

iliketea · 05/07/2015 12:27

Why on earth did you not say "I'm not a childminder, I can't look after your children after school" when she first asked?

Did you tell her you would let her know? Or did she just ask what days you could do and then walk away?

ShadowFire · 05/07/2015 12:29

I'd just text her and say something along the lines of "I think you've got me mixed up with someone else. I'm not a registered childminder, so i can't look after other people's kids after school."

I'd do this sooner rather than later to stop her bothering you any more with childminding requests.

BettyCatKitten · 05/07/2015 12:39

Say you're not a child minder and not OFSTED registered and not able to help her.

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