To think that cremation/burial should be free?

[AccordingToOurRecords]

We will all die and so our bodies will need to be disposed of. Whether you opt for a cremation or burial, it costs a fortune. It has to be done but why do we have to pay so bloody much. I think it is a service that should be free, not the whole funeral ( that's my second winge) but the actual disposal of the body.

Also, AIBU to feel that funerals have become another way for people ( when at there most vulnerable ) to be pressurised into thinking the amount you spend = the amount you love a person.

I recently organised a funeral, I was shocked that when I sat down with the funeral director I was told that they were £1600 cheaper than elsewhere locally. It really annoyed me that money came before compassion. Tried another FD, I was told I absolutely must have this and must have that at ridiculous cost. In the end I thought sod it, I'll sort everything myself. I'm not mean but I'm not being taken advantage of by money grabbers masked by fake respectfulness. It's just business at the end of the day to them.

Then there are T.V. Adverts for prepaid funeral plans. Listing the costs of a funeral and how will your loved ones cope with the expense which they estimated to be about 7k. Seriously? The pressure to provide such things as catering and a venue is ridiculous, it's not a wedding( and yes, I think weddings are no longer about what they are supposed to be about).

A wake used to be close friends and family back to the house for a cup of tea, sandwich and a sherry to raise a glass to the deceased.

AIBU to think you show how much you love/care for/ respect a person when they are alive not by spending silly money when they are dead. I probably am BU :( ........... Gloves up, feet a shuffling....ding ding.

A close relative of mine had a woodland burial. I think you can have whatever sort of service you like within reason. They have a list of what sort of things you can put on the graves and you have a natural wooden headstone if you want.

Dame that's so sad that you lost both parents so young but how lovely of the funeral directors to reimburse you. That is heartwarming.

I was interested to find that they sell cardboard coffins in some of the supermarkets in South Africa. They weren't very expensive.

So, burials or cremation to be paid for by the state. Are you raising taxes or cutting or services to provide that.

Should very family also get food and utilities paid for by the state? And a basic allowance of state issued clothing?

Aren't people responsible for providing anything for themselves any more.

Generally I think governments are pretty inefficient at running anything and I tend to favour small government and market competition

Thing is though people dont pay for it themselves - they often die with no provision and their nok gets lumbered with the bill. Very very hard to refuse to do this when it's your mum or dad. And the state expects it from you. Impossible to get state help if you are not flat broke yourself - you are just expected to suck it up. Never mind your own outgoings.

Why is it outrageous to think that families would pay for the disposal of their NOK?

Why is everything always that state's responsibility?

I've always fancied a reusable coffin with a flip end - like in Amadeus.

Because not everyone can lay their hands on a spare 4 grand, that's why!

I can see the argument for having to make provision for your own funeral, but someone else's?

To give you an example, my ils were deeply irresonsible wrt money - spent every penny they had on holidays and cars and going out. Fair enough, their money. But I would deeply resent having to give up money I'd set aside for a holiday or for ds university costs to pay for the funerals of people who had blown every penny they ever received.

sometimes my understanding is that in that situation, if there's nothing in the estate to cover the costs and NOK refuse to pay then the local council will dispose of the body at their cost, so you wouldn't have to pay anything.

But if your DH or his siblings wanted to do anything beyond that, they would have to pay, which would be your choice.

I know where you are coming from OP - funerals do seem to be a over-inflated money making industry. Trouble is, when we lose someone we love it's all the extras we pay for because it's their final journey on this earth.

Anyone know what the absolutely cheapest way of doing a funeral is (ie if you don't qualify for a state paid for funeral or have enough land to bury the body in)??

SirChenjin, you can have a direct cremation. If you google it you will get some price ideas. It's what I'm opting for.

Hermione, it is very hard to refuse to pay for your own parents funerals.

I could, because my own mum and dad think funerals are a complete waste of money, they don't want one and would be positively pissed off if I spent a lot of money. So in refusing, I would actually be fulfilling their wishes. Mind you, that is in theory. When the time comes I might well be too distraught to follow it through.

Could not ask my dh to do this wrt his parents though - he just would not be able to and that is the position most people find themselves in. So you end up with no real choice.

I would be willing to cover genuine cost of disposing of a body, but I think it's exploitation that people profit from death.

According - that's still coming it at around £1500 according to the websites I looked at. Still seems quite pricey (although nowhere near the amount we paid for Mum's, granted)

Being brutal for a minute - isn't a body the same as medical waste, which is incinerated in the hospital incinerator free of charge? OK, it's a slightly bigger scale obviously, but essentially it's the same process

sometimes but that is a choice - it might be a difficult one, but your DH would be choosing to do that. We make difficult decisions all the time about how to prioritise money. It's really not that state's responsibility that your PIL haven't made provision.

sir that's an interesting question. I don't know if there are laws/regulations about disposal of bodies or whether it's just that generally people don't want to have their loved ones mixed up with lots of medical waste, and not have ashes to keep or scatter.

It would be interesting to know why bodies can't be treated in the same way - there probably are rules and regs, but it can't cost £1500 to incinerate a body, surely?

The cremation itself cost between £450-£900 depending on where you live. You can, if you are comfortable doing so, collect a body from the mortuary yourself and transport it to the Crem yourself. The problem is peoples attitude to having to give a good send off. Modern funerals grew from the Victorian obsession with death and displays of wealth. Prior to then funerals were very simple.

I like the sound of those direct cremations. One site offers a bamboo shroud or for an additional cost a cardboard coffin, if you pay a little more you can get an oak effect laminate coffin. I think I'd go for the shroud.

I'm going to include something in my will stating my preference for this type of cremation.

THIS Gaurdian article contains some interesting information including home burials

According - I googled "direct cremation Scotland" and the ones I found all seemed to quote around £1500. What was I doing wrong in my searching? Around £500 seems more realistic.

We have made funerals into very lavish and expensive affairs. I want a woodland burial (lovely place in East Lothian if anyone is looking..) and a wicker coffin - but they're not cheap either. Wonder if we could get a waste disposal unit fitted to the sink and do it that way...

SirChejin, google direct cremation Uk, they seem to cover nationwide.

I'd love a Viking one, old rowing boat, gallon of petrol.... Whoosh. Couple of fireworks thrown in.... Might draw a few oos and ahs

Doesn't have to be left to funeral directors to arrange at exorbitant costs: www.naturaldeath.org.uk/

Love the idea of a knock-down Viking funeral - and a firework display means they won't forget it in a hurry!

Agree MrsDV - they are extortionate. My cousin died at 17, and my Aunt and Uncle were left with a massive bill for his funeral - family pitched in and helped out, but it was the first time I'd fully understood how much they cost, and for them, because it was sudden (he was knocked off his pushbike by a car) and because they didn't qualify for state funding, they had to come up with a huge sum of money very quickly - on top of losing a child.

THIS website called Funeral Inspirations has all sorts of information about funerals including how to arrange a sea burial in the UK and how to make your own coffin.

Someone we know son got murdered recently, he's was a young man with Young family do on top of everything else they are dealing with they have money worries got funneral.