To think that cremation/burial should be free?

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We will all die and so our bodies will need to be disposed of. Whether you opt for a cremation or burial, it costs a fortune. It has to be done but why do we have to pay so bloody much. I think it is a service that should be free, not the whole funeral ( that's my second winge) but the actual disposal of the body.

Also, AIBU to feel that funerals have become another way for people ( when at there most vulnerable ) to be pressurised into thinking the amount you spend = the amount you love a person.

I recently organised a funeral, I was shocked that when I sat down with the funeral director I was told that they were £1600 cheaper than elsewhere locally. It really annoyed me that money came before compassion. Tried another FD, I was told I absolutely must have this and must have that at ridiculous cost. In the end I thought sod it, I'll sort everything myself. I'm not mean but I'm not being taken advantage of by money grabbers masked by fake respectfulness. It's just business at the end of the day to them.

Then there are T.V. Adverts for prepaid funeral plans. Listing the costs of a funeral and how will your loved ones cope with the expense which they estimated to be about 7k. Seriously? The pressure to provide such things as catering and a venue is ridiculous, it's not a wedding( and yes, I think weddings are no longer about what they are supposed to be about).

A wake used to be close friends and family back to the house for a cup of tea, sandwich and a sherry to raise a glass to the deceased.

AIBU to think you show how much you love/care for/ respect a person when they are alive not by spending silly money when they are dead. I probably am BU :( ........... Gloves up, feet a shuffling....ding ding.

We all need food. Food is expensive. Maybe food should be free?

YABU

You can buy a burial plot at any time, it doesn't have to wait until death. Best buy one as soon as you can because the cost of that is something which is only going to go up over time.

My husband bought ours several years ago for a price which is laughable compared to today's prices.

It has a little brass plaque on it that says "RESERVED". I kid you not!

We bought a cremation plot for Mum and Dad in our local council cemetery. It was £45 for a double plot. Most not everywhere that prices are rediculous. We had a ceremony at the crem for Mum, no Vicar, but people spoke and we had music, that was £300. We had the wake at my sisters, and most people dropped a plate off, to share. They did a really nice job, so it doesn't have to cost a fortune.

We had a really nice family get together, Mum would have liked it, she wasn't one for airs and graces. Dad liked it too and asked for the same when he went and that's what we did for him.

So diocese are stopping charging for grave spaces, and stopping people from reserving them.

Someone has to pay- are you suggesting another thing for the tax payer i.e you and me?

Those saying cremation should be free, you do know it's not just a bonfire in a garden don't you? Crem ovens have to get incredibly hot. There are big H&S implications and a lot of space needed. You then need additional machinery to grind the cremains.

Who do you think should pay the large capital costs of setting up the crematorium and running the ovens?

My parents were so worried about funeral costs that they began cutting back on food and heating. So the strangest Christmas present came from me as two pre paid funerals, all very strange but I knew they would be grateful and it would put their minds at ease. They should be paid for by the family where possible but the cost is a huge worry for some and does leave a feeling of guilt when people have to figure out where the money is going to come from.

It will be free for my dad as he has signed up to have his body donated to medical science, I think I will do the same as I have no life insurance and that means it will fall on my kids to pay for.

HermioneWeasley We don't pay individually to dispose of other rubbish, remains could easily be done the same, it would be a lot cheaper overall. But of course most people don't want that, a shame for those of us who do.

DH and I are going to donate our bodies for Anatomy studies. You have to arrange before you die, and they will either cremate or return remains to relatives for cremation. They also hold a "funeral service" for donated bodies that F & F of the deceased can attend. No costs involved at all then (if you opt for the in-house cremation)

It can be difficult to donate your body to a medical school, as a pp said, and certain health conditions rule you out entirely. (Plus that doesn't necessarily preclude a funeral - my cousin arranged for her body to go to the local university medical school, and had a traditional funeral, until her body, rather than being buried or cremated, was taken to the university after the service. Other people I know of who have done this arranged for there to be a postponed full funeral, after the medical school had finished with their body.) So not necessarily a mitigation of expense.

I actually think there's a good argument to be made for - given that we all die - a simple, standard, minimally polluting and inexpensive method of disposal of our bodies to come out of taxes, with whatever else you choose to do to celebrate a life - funeral, wake, etc - being up to you and up to you to pay separately for.

The funeral industry is an industry, however pleasant, thoughtful and professional some funera directors may be (and I've certainly known some good ones). I remember though when my grandfather died, having repeatedly stressed he wanted the simplest possible funeral, my father being talked through the most macabre coffin catalogue by an incredibly oily local FD, and Dad being too embarrassed to say 'We'll have the cheapest one.' I think some of the costs of funerals come down to the fact that people are grieving and vulnerable and not feeling strong enough to say 'No, that's too expensive. Do you have something cheaper?' No one wants to look as if they're haggling over their dead relative's body.

I was tempted to ask whether I could take a copy of the coffin catalogue home with me. It was kind of like the Argos catalogue, only with stuff about coffin handles and different kinds of lining.

Do you know that some crems are privately owned.
The lovely one in Barry certainly is . They have several scattered across the uk.

I don't think they would be happy to provide a service. For free.

A very basic funeral these days seems to be around the £4000 mark and there's more for a burial.

YANBU "to feel that funerals have become another way for people ( when at there most vulnerable ) to be pressurised into thinking the amount you spend = the amount you love a person".

Jessica Mitford wrote a great book in the sixties about the extremely predatory funeral industry in the US at the time. "The American way of death", I think it was called. She added an epilogue in the eighties, saying things had got worse (for the consumer). I'd be surprised if the UK hadn't picked up on some of the US tricks of the trade since then.

Things have got even more warped since then because your loved one's body tissues can be sold at amazing profits. Read this when you're feeling strong: reason.com/archives/2007/02/07/who-owns-your-body-parts.

I agree with Hale Mary that there's an argument to be made for a basic, standard funeral available to everybody and without the stigma of a name like "pauper's funeral". It would give bereaved relatives an escape from businesses that make a living selling unnecessary services to people in their most vulnerable moments.

Hermoine - I am sure that crems are expensive to run. But so are maternity hospitals, cost millions to build and run. Yet noone thinks your entry into the world shouldn't be covered by the state, you can go private, you make your own arrangements at home, but there's always a state option.

There's no reason the basic cremation part of a funeral shouldn't be funded by the state.

My parents prepaid their funerals long before either of them were ill or very elderly. It was the best thing they could have done - we should all consider putting a plan in place so that the bereaved don't have too much else to worry about.

My mum's death was very distressing and traumatic and the FD was absolutely wonderful. He literally spent hours with us over several days - he earned every penny IMO.

My MIL's funeral last year cost just over £4k. It was paid for from her estate after we had sold her house (she was the last surviving spouse).

The funeral directors were fine with that.

She had a humanist funeral and was cremated, as she had expressly wished whilst still alive. She also stipulated that the £2k savings she had remaining should be withdrawn and used to pay for the wake afterwards at a local venue.

I do understand the distaste for having to look at costs at such a time, but crematoria are usually business and grave diggers are workmen who have families to support and who need to be paid.

It might happen in an ideal world, but I'm afraid it isn't practical. It just can't be free.

I think I will take out a prepaid funeral plan for myself. Seems like the best option for me.

By free I meant paid for by the state. Of course I didn't mean crematoria staff and cemetery staff should be done away with.

DinosaursRoar Of course there's a good reason why it shouldn't be covered by the state, there's no efficiency saving by communally doing it, so it would just be a pointless transfer of money (because everyone dies), this is very different to health - where there's a lot of advantage gained by communal insurance as different people require different amounts, or through local bin collections - where it's much more efficient to have one bin lorry visiting everyone in an area.

The state could efficiently do it by collecting up all the dead bodies and then burning them in a big batch. However that doesn't appear to be what's suggested as the rest of the funeral service could not then be in any way related to it, so you'd not be able to have any of the religious or other ceremonies around the body.

I was put off paying in advance for a funeral when the mother of a friend did so then lived far longer than her friends so it was only 3 family members left behind to 'enjoy' a lavish pre-paid funeral.

When I was arranging my DM's funeral nearly 2 years ago, our Funeral Director told us that by law they have to tell you that they always have a basic option.....this was a funeral/cremation/hearse etc and the total cost was £2,400. My mum (bless her) always said don't you go spending thousands and thousands on an expensive funeral.

I dont think funerals should be a profit making business - to me its exploiting people at their most vulnerable time.

Loads of people make no provision for their own funeral and so the cost gets dunped on their nok. Very few people are going to refuse to pay for the funeral of someone they love snd its a lot of money for people to spend, when they have their own expenses.

I think the state should cover a basic funeral and anything extra could be paid for, but at least basic disposal of the body would be sorted.

YABU.
There are lots of things that everybody needs - food, basic sanitation, fuel, a roof over their heads - but we all have incomes and we all need to give consideration to how these things will be paid for. Just because it is something everyone needs, doesn't mean it has to be paid for by the state.

Both my parents died within 6 months of each other when I was in my early twenties. I had to take out 2 loans to cover funeral costs.Not one of my v well-off aunts lifted a finger or opened their purses - I did everything. Anyway, I used a local (to my parents) funeral directors and had the cheapest funeral they did as I had to cater 2 wakes for my horrible relatives.
Anyway, flash forward 3 years and I received a cheque in the post from the funeral directors. They found out from a family friend that I had paid for everything and were mortified. They repaid every penny and included money for both wakes! I was speechless and beyond grateful.
Yes, death is a business but there are good, kind people everywhere.

Sorry for too many 'anyways'

"Jessica Mitford wrote a great book in the sixties about the extremely predatory funeral industry in the US at the time. "The American way of death", I think it was called. She added an epilogue in the eighties, saying things had got worse (for the consumer). I'd be surprised if the UK hadn't picked up on some of the US tricks of the trade since then."

US chains have moved in to UK in a big way since then.

I think you get far better service from small independents (as family-type firms IME do it from a kind of vocation) or from the Co-op.