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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Six year old taught about terrorists...

67 replies

CarolPeletier · 04/07/2015 07:25

Yesterday my daughters school had an assembly and did the silence for those slaughtered in Tunisia. It was explained that a man got silly ideas in his head and went and shot and killed lots of people on a beach. My daughter has just turned six and is now refusing to come to the seaside this weekend. I do not have the news on around her at home and have so far shielded her from the very scary world we live in, thinking there is plenty of time to find out about the evil out there and letting her remain innocent as long as possible.
AIBU to be upset that the school taught her about this and scared her. She has only just turned six and I think it's too much for her to take in - God it's too much for most adults to take in!
Also, any thoughts on how to reassure her now?

OP posts:

SomethingFunny · 04/07/2015 08:17

YANBU.

My reception child came home worried as he had also been told about this at school yesterday. The world is a scary place, but there is no reason or benefit to telling 4/5/6 year olds about it. Junior school age is fine- my older child could understand and cope with it and would be able to understnad and discuss it. My youngest does not have that mental ability yet.

My DS1 was in reception, they decided to tell them all about the holocaust once. My son came home with a really garbled version of events- he had not understood it had happen in the past and thought it was now. Didn't know where it had happened or why and was frankly scared. I do not see the need to tell such young children about world atrocities.

What I most disagree with is that schools tell the children these things but don't tell the parents that they have and how. Young children muddle the things up in their minds and either tell the parents weird things or just act up because they are scared. OPs child said why she didn't want to go to the beach- another child might just be screaming and trying to hide and not wanting to go. The parents don't know what she had been told at school so aren't able to talk to her and reassure her, they are just left baffled by the random scared behaviour of their child. If they HAVE to tell children things, they could at least let the parents know they have been talking about frightening things at school so the parents can talk to and reassure their children at home.

HagOtheNorth · 04/07/2015 08:21

'If they HAVE to tell children things, they could at least let the parents know they have been talking about frightening things at school so the parents can talk to and reassure their children at home.'

Absolutely agree, and before they do it as well.

YoureAllABunchOfBastards · 04/07/2015 08:22

Schools are now under a huge obligation to 'tackle' radicalisation and extremism under the Prevent agenda. Some will do so very well and sensitively. Some won't. But it is likely to be part of discussions in a number of different ways.

Appleblossom82 · 04/07/2015 08:23

This reply has been deleted

This poster has privacy concerns, so we've agreed to remove this now.

Original poster

CarolPeletier · 04/07/2015 08:28

Thank you! Yes I agree we should be told they are going to discuss this sort of thing, would have made life a little easier.

Spoke to daughter again this morning as she had had a bad dream... She asked how many had been killed, what it felt like to be shot, if any of them were mummies or daddies... Honestly it broke my heart. I tried to reassure her as best I could. She asked if it could ever happen in England. This is tricky because, yes of course it could! But saying this will just make her more scared.
I see what some of you are saying, but I still strongly feel she is too young to deal with all this. I want to say something to the school as I feel they have handled this badly.

OP posts:

twirlypoo · 04/07/2015 08:29

I told my 3yo that we were being quiet because some people were hurt when they were on holiday and we wanted to think about them (we were in town and everyone stood still in silence so he wondered what was going on)

I think it can be done in such a way to inform our children but keep them feeling safe at the same time. It is the world that we live in. I wish to God we didn't have to, but short of moving to a desert island I don't see any other way forward other than to arm them with age appropriate information.

Dunkyourcustardcream · 04/07/2015 08:32

Makes me feel quite uncomfortable thinking about how the school worded that so Ks1 children could understand?? I can't see at all what it would achieve other than worrying them. Their understanding of the world is not nearly developed enough to be able to process this information and go back to playing on their swings! Leave them alone, let them believe in Father Christmas and fairies and magic for as long as possible. There is enough time as an adult to be haunted by and worried at such a violent world.

TattieHowkerz · 04/07/2015 08:34

I'm not sure llama, it is hard. But maybe something like "We are going to be quiet for a while to think about some people who died (were killed?). It is very sad for their families". But then that probably invites more questions!

Admittedly I only have a three year old so haven't had to think of this stuff yet. I remember seeing coverage to do with the moors murders as a child and I had sleep problems quite literally for years. But I don't think you can shield children from life. So I'm stumped.

TattieHowkerz · 04/07/2015 08:35

Actually I think deargatha is right. 6yo children are a. It young for contemplative silence.

SweetCharlotteRose · 04/07/2015 08:37

I think it depends on the child.

Ds is 6 and has seen and heard things on the news which have caused him to ask questions about things. He knows about ISIS and how they are a group of people who are using terror and force to get what they want. He also knows a little about the corruption that runs through some governments and that other countries may not enjoy the freedoms we have. He knows about 9/11 too.
However he is not phased by it - it seems a long way away to him I think.

TheHormonalHooker · 04/07/2015 08:39

My children were 6&4 when 9/11 happened. They knew what happened, they saw it on the news and we explained it as easily as we could. I completely disagree in shielding children from the world.

The following week they were more than happy to get on a plane to go off on their holidays. As we had explained about 9/11 they knew why it took a darn sight longer to get through security, why we couldn't take what we usually took on the plane etc. It would have been much more frightening for them to have been in the queue listening to the people in front of them talking about the terrorism, the plane crashes etc.

DS2 was 6 when DH went to Iraq.

Dunkyourcustardcream · 04/07/2015 08:43

The Prevent agenda does not mean conducting assemblies on terrorist events to KS1! KS 1 includes 4 year olds!! In KS1 it's about diversity and respect not look at what's going on in the world with a load of fucking nutters... Hide away kids they're after us all!!!

RachelRagged · 04/07/2015 09:08

Hmmm its a hard one OP , , YABU and on the other hand YANBU.

Long time ago now since any of mine were 6.

I think my Mum sheltered me from a lot of the terrible news on TV and they were not people to buy a daily paper (still don't to this day apart from maybe a Sunday Paper)so when I saw Jonestown hit the news (1978, mass suicide in Guyana though it was more like mass murder) , ,, when I was 11 I was horrified .. I had had no prior exposure you see to other awful events. To this day I remember that.

I imagine school had to say something as to why the minute silence . Perhaps they should not have mentioned it was on a beach what with Summer holidays coming up. I hope your DD is alright ,, she will get over it.. As an aside I once watched Doctor Who, Sea Devils , I refused to go to the seaside for quite some time so can sort of emphasise with your DD.

AuntieStella · 04/07/2015 09:17

You were asking about reassurance for your DD.

Would you be able to talk to a member of staff on Monday, explain the level of anxiety is has produced, and ask for more information on exactly what was said in the assembly? Because I'm sure it will have been designed to explain and reassure, but there may be points your DD misheard/misunderstood and knowing their approach might help you work out how you take it forwards.

But if she got it from some other source, which is quite possible, then you'll just have to keep answering all her questions as calmly as possible, and explaining that this is in the news because it is so very, very rare.

The CBBC Newsround website is a good resource for how to describe headline news to a younger audience, as might be First News newspaper.

RepeatAdNauseum · 04/07/2015 09:18

Sheltering children from the evil acts in the world just means they struggle more when they become aware of it.

They aren't used to bad events, or bad people, but instead of finding out slowly as events happen and processing events individually, the safe world they thought they had crumbles. Suddenly there are lots of bad events to know about, and that feels a lot scarier.

It may have been easier for your DD if she had some knowledge of this before she went to school. Yes she's young and it needs to be age appropriate but she does need to learn to process this type of thing. In three or four years she'll be ten and people will talk a lot more graphically around her - and if she accesses something like the daily mail website, with its often graphic images of this type of event, she's going to be in for a huge shock.

ThisOneAndThatOne · 04/07/2015 09:19

DH and I were discussing whether we would go to the counter demo that was planned for today (a new nazi group was a planning a demo in Golders Green against the "Jewification" of the area).

But we could not decide how we would explain to DS aged 7 that these people were protesting because they did not want us to live in neighbourhood. It just sounds so bonkers. I guess it is because it IS bonkers!

The police have now intervened (after months of planning) and loved the nazi rally to somewhere in Whitehall.

ThisOneAndThatOne · 04/07/2015 09:20

Moved not loved!

JohnFarleysRuskin · 04/07/2015 09:22

I was in a children's concert yesterday and the presenter said 'we're dedicating this next piece to those affected by the events in Tunisia last week.'
I thought that was well judged. The (few) Kids who were listening could ask at home for more info if needed.

RachelRagged · 04/07/2015 09:24

Jewification of the Area ?

Lived in London all my 48 years and Golders Green has always been an area with a large Jewish community. I live other side of London but even I knew that years ago.

ThisOneAndThatOne · 04/07/2015 09:24

Actually. At the danger of derailing this thread, I am really annoyed that no one (apart from the Jewish Community) seemed to give a shit that a neo nazi rally was planned for today against the "Jewification" of a neighbourhood in the actual neighbourhood where loads of Jews live.

Where are all that anti racist and facist groups? Silence.

Seems we are in our own again.

mousmous · 04/07/2015 09:24

yabu
there is so much confusing information + graphic pictures out there. just look at the newspaper front pages.

she will hear loads of misunderstood stuff on the school playground. if she is scared that means she did not understand correctly and it's your job as parent to reassure her and give her the information in a way that she can understand.

YoureAllABunchOfBastards · 04/07/2015 09:24

I know that Prevent doesn't mean KS1 assemblies on terrorism. But not all schools interpret the guidance they are given in a sensible/appropriate way, do they?

Theycallmemellowjello · 04/07/2015 09:56

YANBU. I was traumatised for quite some time as a 4 year old being told of the death of a teacher in an assembly - no exaggeration. Being introduced to the idea of death is a huge, huge thing for a child, and a public announcement is not an appropriate way to broach the topic imo.

Dunkyourcustardcream · 04/07/2015 11:38

No 'youreallabunch' they really don't. I wonder if it was they needed to discuss it themselves and ended up making out it's to help the children. I'm sure I saw a thread recently on a school teaching Year 5 girls how to shave their legs - as some bizarre interpretation of the sex ed program- looking after your body.. Really??

RachelRagged · 04/07/2015 13:21

ThisOneanThatOne

There is resistance .. Saw this on my Facebook Newsfeed.

Sorry Op I don't wish to derail your thread but thought ThiOneAndThatOne would like to see some are standing up Today.

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