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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it's wrong that a boy was filming my DD on the bus?

77 replies

Cuddleczar · 03/07/2015 13:26

She noticed he moved seats and had his phone out then realised he was filming her. It turned out he was Skyping someone and filming her to show them. She is a very attractive girl btw. She lost her cool and shouted "What the f* are you doing?" but then had to get off the bus because it was her stop. (I always tell her to try not to lose her temper in these situations, otherwise you're going down to their level, but clearly that doesn't always work.) Can't quite get my head round this--because you can't stop someone holding their phone up and filming covertly but at the same time it's really off for someone to do that. Because she is so attractive, she is always getting harassed by men. But this was a boy who she said looked about 12!!

We were on a train recently and they had British Transport Police on the train giving out a text number that you can text if you have a problem. (That number btw is 61016.) But apparently it's only for trains. Plus there's lots of ads now about more minor harassment you can report on the tube, for example. Any thoughts, anyone, about whether she should report this? He was probably visible on the bus CCTV.

OP posts:

CoogerAndDark · 03/07/2015 19:46

She has the right not to be filmed by a young boy on public transport. She's not a piece of scenery and boys and men can help themselves and not be creepy jerks.
Hormones be buggered, if DS did that I'd wonder where I went wrong as a parent.

Reginafalangie · 03/07/2015 19:49

He was a kid and she confronted him probably because he was a kid.

I don't for one second think that any women deserves to be harassed or have her personal space invaded and had this being an adult and not a 12 yo than my stance would have been to report. How're it wasn't an adult it was a child and some people need to remember that.

What would happen if they found this kid and the police turned up at his home? What if he has abusive parents who then beat him because of it? What if he is so scared he will be labelled a pervert and kids at school will find out that he ends up killing himself?

You may. Think the above is far fetched but so is a 12 year old child doing something sinister with a video of a girl sat on the bus.

Floggingmolly · 03/07/2015 19:51

You had pre-warned her what to do "in these situations"...

WayneRooneysHair · 03/07/2015 19:54

It's a twelve year old kid so his brain wouldn't have been engaged anyway, your DD shouldn't be recorded without her permission but I'm intrigued to know how she knew that she was being recorded?

CoogerAndDark · 03/07/2015 19:55

What if he gets told he shouldn't take photos of random young women on public transport and doesn't do it any more? That would be best, wouldn't it?

Not OP's job to be worried about the repercussions for the boy. He should not be doing that and he needs to stop.

CrapBag · 03/07/2015 19:58

YANBU. I can't believe there are people who think this is fine. I wouldn't be happy if someone was randomly filming me (unlikely but not the point).

I'm fairly sure we are well within our rights to say if we don't want a photo or video to be taken of ourselves.

I think your DD handled it well. More women should be able to stand up for themselves more.

Goshthatsspicy · 03/07/2015 20:01

We are still talking about a twelve year old right? Still a child.
Older self conscious teen, who is starting to become aware - shouts her mouth off.
As she is so tired to not be able to go anywhere, without people looking at her.
-as she is "very attractive"
I think we've all been there.

Goshthatsspicy · 03/07/2015 20:04

crap do you think telling people to "fuck off" will work long - term?
This young lady needs to get smart. I'd like to think she'll keep safe.
Next person she decides is 'looking/filming' her, might not be a twelve year old boy.

Scabetty · 03/07/2015 20:04

Ds is 12 yo and thinks this boy's behaviour is weird. Your dd was right to tell him to get lost. He was treating her as though she wasn't there - an object. He may think twice next time.

3of5 · 03/07/2015 20:07

I think someone moving closer to me to take pics or send my image without my permission is intrusive and harassment.

I would have shouted at him too. Maybe next time it happens she should start taking pictures of him back?

Reginafalangie · 03/07/2015 20:10

See the thing I don't get was that he was skyping as says in the OP so not actually filming her to keep the vid iyswim. So the likelyhood is he was showing a friend. Yes it was inappropriate but at the same time it's not like she was been filmed up her skirt!
I think the mouthful she gave him would be enough to show him it's not on and he pr,I ably won't do it again. We are filmed all day long by cctv, television cameras, people filming at events yet that wouldn't bother anyone but a 12 yo filming a girl on the bus causes uproar and shouts of lynching.

lljkk · 03/07/2015 20:12

I bet none of these people gave their permission to be photographed on the bus.

To think it's wrong that a boy was filming my DD on the bus?

CamelHump · 03/07/2015 20:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Reginafalangie · 03/07/2015 20:15

Also in the OP you say she is sick of being harassed by men. Does she report these MEN to the police for harassment or just 12 yo boys?

Personally I would feel more harassed by an adult male passing comments and leering at me than I would a child but for some reason you have sought police involvement for him but not the MEN who should no better. Why is that OP?

Lilicat1013 · 03/07/2015 20:18

I really am shocked at some of the responses on this thread, it being compared to tourists taking photos and the girl posting pictures of herself on social media.

I recently went on a trip to the local splash park with my kids, I took lots of photos and videos of them. The majority of these videos feature other people, adults and children in the background. Other people took their own photos and videos which included my family in the background. That is all fine.

If however I was intentionally filming or taking photos of other adults/children focusing on them or they were doing it to me/my children that would be a a different matter.

One is normal behaviour on a day out and the other is creepy and intrusive. She has a right to sit on the bus and not have someone sit there and film her.

The social media comment is ridiculous, she has the right to post as many pictures of herself as she likes on social media, that doesn't give others the right to film her in public.

Reginafalangie · 03/07/2015 20:22

No it isn't ridiculous. There is pearl clutching that the image of her face will be shared.......if she posts pics on social media it will have already have been shared. Especially if she is acctractive, so I don't see the point in getting knickers in a twist over a picture of her face. Lots of people the OP DD won't even know will have seen pictures of her. Christ somebody will probably be using one of her pics from her or her freinds FB as their on line dating profile. It happens a lot.

lljkk · 03/07/2015 20:26

Next people will argue that a boy should be reported to his school and accused of harassment just for staring at somebody on the bus.

Reginafalangie · 03/07/2015 20:28

I still want to know why they have chosen to report this boy but not bothered to report all the MEN that harass her DD

Goshthatsspicy · 03/07/2015 20:30

ll it has already been suggested.

lljkk · 03/07/2015 20:32

How about listening... that will be the next privacy in public issue. How dare you notice the noises others make. Maybe smells soon after that will be privatised. Or writing a diary where you record what has happened in the room. Sketching a scene before your eyes, even.

Goshthatsspicy · 03/07/2015 20:36

JohnFarleysRuskin · 03/07/2015 20:43

I really don't get why you keep posting about the daughter being "very attractive," gosh. And the "we've all been there" wink. What does that mean?

It sounds like you don't actually believe she gets hassled. Or that she rather likes it.

You didn't mean that, surely?

VoldemortsNipple · 03/07/2015 21:03

I have a just turned 13 year old who looks more like 15 (he's 5"9) he is still at a stage where he's not interested in girls yet. I'm saying this to point out that not all young teenage boys are sex crazed beasts that they are sometimes portrayed as.

We don't know what this boys motives are because we are not sure of his age, maturity or even if he was filming, streaming or taking photos. I'm not sure OPs dd could be certain if he was sitting behind her.

As others have said, I think he was probably showing off to his friends about the "fit girl" on the bus. Now that on its own doesn't excuse his behaviour but I don't think a one off incident needs desperate measures of reporting and trying to somehow criminalise his behaviour or tarnish his character. I think your dd responded correctly as it would have embarrassed the boy and probably made him think twice about filming people again. But I also don't think reporting a one off incident in these circumstances warranted further action.

If your dd gets a lot of unwanted attention, surely it is better that she feels confident to stand up for herself than having to report each and every incident hours later.

Also if it was a 12-14 year old girl filming a 17 year old Greek God, would we call her a creep?

Preciousbane · 03/07/2015 21:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Goshthatsspicy · 03/07/2015 21:18

john l typed out quite a long post explaining that l suffered the same as a teen. I explained that although l complained, half of me quite enjoyed it. I also said that l hope the female in question learns a better response than "fuck off" l could have been doing that too, it would have made for a very negative life. It could also get dangerous, if said to the wrong person. I learnt to ignore.

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