To think it's wrong that a boy was filming my DD on the bus?

[Cuddleczar]

She noticed he moved seats and had his phone out then realised he was filming her. It turned out he was Skyping someone and filming her to show them. She is a very attractive girl btw. She lost her cool and shouted "What the f* are you doing?" but then had to get off the bus because it was her stop. (I always tell her to try not to lose her temper in these situations, otherwise you're going down to their level, but clearly that doesn't always work.) Can't quite get my head round this--because you can't stop someone holding their phone up and filming covertly but at the same time it's really off for someone to do that. Because she is so attractive, she is always getting harassed by men. But this was a boy who she said looked about 12!!

We were on a train recently and they had British Transport Police on the train giving out a text number that you can text if you have a problem. (That number btw is 61016.) But apparently it's only for trains. Plus there's lots of ads now about more minor harassment you can report on the tube, for example. Any thoughts, anyone, about whether she should report this? He was probably visible on the bus CCTV.

Shouting and swearing at a child, which n other passengers had to hear?

So she's only attractive on the outside then...

I work for a large company. Can't name them. Conditions of carriage are the same. Set by the traffic commissioner I think, could be wrong. Ours are the same anyway. Quoting them usually gets a " fuck off " from the offender round our way

How can the OP report an anonymous twelve-year-old? What can anyone do about it?

He was unreasonable, as was your daughter's response. He was not filming her.

It's not illegal to film people in public spaces, is it? What crime has been committed?

Just back and...where do I begin? First, my DD is 17. The way she described what happened, it was very creepy, someone who moved to sit right behind her and then filmed her over her shoulder. Thinking about it, it could have been Skype, a FaceTime call or filming a video--all she was aware of was that he was filming.

I'm in two minds whether she should have used the language she did. I agree with those who say women should get angry with perpetrators. Personally, I would prefer to express my anger without that language but she is of another generation and language moves on.

He might have been 12, 13, 14...either way, boys of that age ought to know that it's not right to harass someone (anyone) like that. At what age should they be told what is the right way to behave? I would suggest that understanding those kinds of rights and wrongs starts at a very early age, if not infancy.

Yes, I mentioned twice that my daughter is attractive. Probably if I had had more time, I would have edited the second mention out--but my point is that she can't go anywhere without unwanted attention. She is sick of it and on this occasion she just snapped.

It's interesting that Transport for London has just produced a video about harassment--the link is here:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhXFRtH7IBw

We phoned 101 and my daughter spoke to a very pleasant (male) operator who told her that it was not sexual harassment but that it was harassment. They are going to interview her and watch the CCTV on the bus.

Women should be able to travel on public transport without being made to feel uncomfortable. End of.

Well, good luck with that and I am glad it is being taken seriously - but it is not likely that they will be able to identify this boy.

YANBU.

Someone I know plays her own game of Sleepy Commuter Bingo so basically she takes photos of people asleep on the train home from work. I think it's flippin weird and would delete her from Facebook/twitter etc if it wasn't for the fact that doing that would prob open up a can of worms as we used to be good friends

I wish these were the weirdest or most disturbing public transport stories I'd heard or witnessed

Surprised that so many people are defending the boy who filmed her. They are only doing that because you said she was pretty, and we all know women have to pretend they think they are fat and ugly.

Of course it's wrong and creepy to be filmed or weirdly involved in someone's Skype call. If there are women out there who find it acceptable, I wonder where they draw the line.

The fact she swore at him might make him realise he did something unacceptable.

So bizarre that people think it's ok! Do previous posters really believe she should have sat there, accepted it and kept her mouth shut?

I am surprised at the number of people who said the OP's teenage girl was wrong to tell the boy to shout/swear at the boy. Personally I think at twelve they should know it is inappropriate to film strangers and if he gets shouted out for this intrusive, harassing behaviour it is because he deserves to be.

I would do exactly what your dd did. (If I had the guts)
She did well.

Lovely to hear the harasser being defended so vigorously here
And the shock at her language. Wtaf!

I don't think I have read any posts that have defended him can you please point out which ones they are?

What most have said is that there is very little the OP can do. The boy was around 12 so only a child. This is one of those things you just need to let go.

Really?

Gosh that's spicy and press any key to begin posts aren't defending him?

Some posters seem more annoyed that the girl has been described as attractive. Another thinks her response makes her unattractive.

Ds is nearly same age as this boy - he knows not to do this- and if he doesn't I would be grateful that someone bloody told him.

Makemineabigone, gruntfuttock and llykk all saying its no big deal, just the same as a boy nudging his mate.

Except it's not. He came up behind her with a phone, recording or transmitting her image. Do we know he sent it to another 12 year old? Or maybe he's up to something more sinister. Either way, she is entitled to use public transport without any of this nonsense and it's not 'no big deal'.

I struggle badly with the idea that it is a personal intrusion or morally wrong to film or take pictures in a public place without securing someone's permission. If this is so, then much of our tourist photo albums need to be binned, I guess.

Is it only acceptable if illegal activity is happening?

Oh good god something more sinister like what?

The child has gone from being 12 to now 13 14......really.
At no point did I or anyone else say what he did was right. Also there was no mention in the OP of him coming up behind her to film her just that he changed seats. How is she so sure he was filming her? Did she see his phone? Did he say he was?
Seems to me the OP is adding in more damning detail with every post just to gain the "yes he is a creep, report him" votes.

Also those posters you named were not defending him but saying that it was no big deal which frankly it isn't.

I believe your DD acted correctly to being filmed without her consent. The boy concerned was acting inappropriately. Whether this was harmless or more sinister who knows but it's just not ok to film someone like this and if he's doesn't already know it maybe he needs to be told. The trouble is not just the filming it's the sharing, with the click of a button images can be everywhere.

Why is there such a problem with the image of her face being shared?

I assume she has FB or intragram? I would also assume she already has tons of pictures of herself on social media. So why the pearl clutching that a 12 yo filmed her sat on a bus. What do we think he is part of a huge pedo ring who will share the picture of her face?? Some people really do need to get a grip.

If the OP is so worried about her DDs image being shared on the web then I suggest she gets her to remove all photos of herself from social media.

I agree reg
It isn't unusual to be harassed as a young 'attractive' teen. God knows l had enough of it. I'm sure lots of us did/do.
However, it isn't smart to acknowledge them. I was threatened with physical violence, l was coming home on the tube one evening. Must have been over twenty years ago. When l finally managed to locate a police officer, she explained that to remain calm (as l did) was the best action.
op if your daughter is regularly accosted, she'll need to learn coping strategies.
Telling people to "fuck off" isn't going to work, and she must keep safe.
At her age, it is quite understandable to think everyone is looking at you. Teens are self conscious. Worth bearing in mind that all teens are vulnerable, not just "attractive" ones.

What is this "sinister" intention that some posters think may have been behind the boy's behaviour?

I also remember l was so teenager-ish and vain that l told my mum: "l'm so sick of everyone looking at me... I just want to do my shopping!"

In your tourist photo albums are you taking pics of young girls on buses? Creepy.

I've learned tonight that some people don't mind being filmed by strangers and that it's acceptable to some people. And if the image gets posted somewhere she doesn't want it to, then I guess that's ok too? And if it happens to you or your daughters, no big deal.

OP if your daughter doesn't want to be filmed, she shouldn't be filmed. No matter who tells her otherwise.