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AIBU?

to worry about friend's reaction to DH's work in a fast food restaurant

71 replies

Annamaria11 · 02/07/2015 23:11

DH picked me up from a friend's house - he was in his fast food restaurant uniform where, a couple of times a week, he cleans to make extra money. Works f-t elsewhere and, even with my jobs, we are on a very tight budget.
He doesn't mind - he'd rather have one well paid job or a different part time job but they are hard to get round here.

Nothing unusual with any of this, except that my friend was visibly shocked when he came to the door. She clearly hadn't known. She is very eco and health food conscious - in fact this is a shared interest of ours. I couldn't surely loose a friend over this but AIBU to think that DH should have put a jumper on/rang me/not come to the door? Only because I'm really worried about my friendship having very possibly been, at the very least, dented because of my association, via DH, with a fast food chain which she disapproves of heartily.

I know that if she values our friendship .... but the look on her face when he came to the door is preying on my mind.

OP posts:
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Teabagbeforemilk · 03/07/2015 05:42

I think of your first reaction was HE should have put on a jumper then you and your friend have your priorities wrong.

You sound like my friend that won't go to sea world in Florida, that's fair enough. But she still buys park tickets that include visits to seaworld (so seaworld gets a cut of the money anyway) because it works out cheapest. Then bitches about people who do go.

If you and your friend bond over your Eco interests, surely you would have expressed your reservations before he applied. But you didn't because you needed them money. That's fine, but asking him to hide it because you friend loves to judge people is ridiculous.

Your reaction is you being ashamed of dh.

You can be a snob, even if you aren't rich.

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fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 03/07/2015 05:45

I hope he used the tradesman's entrance

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Nolim · 03/07/2015 05:49

Yabvu. He is working hard for the family and you are ashamed?

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AnotheBloodyChinHair · 03/07/2015 06:06

LTB
HTH

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Missda · 03/07/2015 06:27

Oh dear OP is this thread real? A job is a job at the end of the day. You should be very ashamed of yourself.

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Crocodopolis · 03/07/2015 07:45

Your DH is a star. Your friend is a snob.

What concerns me is that you are worried about what your friend thinks of your husband. Perhaps a re-think of priorities is in order?

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Nargles · 03/07/2015 08:07

I think there's a few different things going on here to unravel OP.

Is you're friend (or yourself for that matter) being unreasonable to have ethical principles against certain outlets? No of course not. I don't think it's even unreasonable to allow these principles to affect your work choices in times of need, but it probably would be very silly. Honorable but foolish. I'm a relatively eco vegan and I have worked in a pizza fast food chain and absolutely would again if I had to. It was also by no means the worst job I've ever had.

The next thing is, is your friend being unreasonable to judge your husband for his job. That's a flat out yes from me. We all make our own ethical boundaries and choices in life and of course there is nothing wrong with giving our opinion when asked or when it's appropriate but judging anyone else's life choices, particularly when it comes to how you earn enough to live is ridiculous. It's also as you say only something that's easy to do from a position of privilege.

The next thing is are you being unreasonable to worry about your friend judging him. It's not unreasonable but it's sad it would worry you so much. Anyone who would end a friendship over something like that is not a friend. And mentally about 12.

However, I wonder if it's your friend who is really judging him or yourself?

So, finally are you being unreasonable to expect him to pretend he doesn't work there? Yes. It's horrible actually. Poor man must feel like his life sucks E ough without you making him feel bad for working so hard. Sorry if that sounds a little harsh but even if you haven't said anything directly he's bound to know you feel this way.

So, basically stop worrying what your friends think unless it's really you that it's bothering in which case you are being even more unreasonable and have a much larger problem.

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Teabagbeforemilk · 03/07/2015 08:36

I am interested to know why you are friends with a woman who you assume will judge you and your husband.

You say she appeared shocked, that maybe because she just didn't know. I couldn't be friends with someone, if my first thoughts would be 'oh no she will judge us badly'

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RachelRagged · 03/07/2015 10:15

OMG

Poor Bloke !

Your "friend" sounds awful ,, and, to be honest, with your opening post so do YOU OP.

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TattieHowkerz · 04/07/2015 20:29

Are you sure that is why she was suprised?

Maybe they are having a torrid affair, post coital Big Macs, the works, and she thought they were about to get caught out...

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TattieHowkerz · 04/07/2015 20:29

Oh FFS surprised.

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GasLIghtShining · 04/07/2015 23:47

If she has a problem with it then she ain't no friend. I comment as a mother of a vegetarian who works for a fast food chain and as someone who cleaned during my college days

At the end of the days none of us would take a cleaning job if we didn't have to but if circumstance mean we have to then we do.

Be thankful that he is working as since I have been on mumsnet I have learnt that there are an awful lot of lazy husbands who can't be arsed to work one job never mind two

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youareallbonkers · 04/07/2015 23:51

My oh works in a supermarket. He is a deputy manager and he works flaming hard. Currently on a 12hr night shift on his feet the whole time. Whereas I am degree educated and so are most of my friends. Not a chance in hell would I let any friend say anything negative about his work.

They don't need to, you are disparaging enough already. Your poor dh

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Theoldcauliflower · 04/07/2015 23:51

Your poor dh! He's working to provide for your family, your a joke!!

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GiddyOnZackHunt · 05/07/2015 00:06

She needs to pull her head out of her arse and you should be chuffed to bits with a DH grafting while you socialise.

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somewheresomehow · 05/07/2015 16:08

ditch your friend if shes so shocked about his extra job

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BolshierAyraStark · 05/07/2015 16:17

I feel deeply sorry for your DH, he's working f/t & p/t to contribute to your household & you're more concerned with the opinion of a snobby 'friend', have a look a yourself & do a priority re-evaluation.

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RoosterCogburn · 05/07/2015 16:40

God, what a bastard your husband is - working at two jobs to support his family and letting you down by wearing his uniform when your precious friend might see him.

LTB

Hmm

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YUDOTHIS · 05/07/2015 16:51

My partner worked his way up from being a Chef (minimum wage cook basically) and is being promoted next month to general manager. he started working there at 18, since he has gone from Chef, Shift leader, team leader, Lead back of house, Kitchen manager, Assistant manager and is now being promoted again, he is 25. Anyone who gave me a stinking look when my partner greeted me in his work uniform (I don't want to out him so can't detail it, he works in a pub grub place, not quite mcdonalds but nowhere near a 5 star restaurant) got torn a new asshole. I have seen him bust his arse for the last 7 years and I'm nothing short of proud of him.
You should really be ashamed of yourself and your friend, No, he doesn't need a jumper you both need a reality check.

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GERTI · 05/07/2015 19:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MistressDeeCee · 06/07/2015 02:20

You should have got him to doff his cap Grin

Did you both clutch your pearls when he turned up looking a bit of an oik?


I don't believe this is a real situation AT ALL

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