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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

toddlers watching childbirth

66 replies

acatisnotjustforeaster · 01/07/2015 22:35

Aibu to feel a little bad that my 3 year old watched a birth on one born every minute this afternoon? It was accidental, I went to the loo and they have worked out how to change channel. Saw the whole birth bit. Child seemed a bit stunned but facinated and asked to rewind the bit when the baby gets wrapped in a towel. Have I traumatised my child?

OP posts:

scrivette · 02/07/2015 10:40

DS never used to watch tv (his own choice) but when he was about 2 he watched a live birth on OBEM and stood and watched and was fascinated, as soon as it was finished he stopped watching. It made me wonder if they have any memory of their own birth as his reaction was so unlike him.

I don't think they will be traumatised by it, I wouldn't worry.

Letmeeatcakecakecake · 02/07/2015 10:47

Lovely to see the general support on here, I got ripped to shreds for saying my 5 year old was going to be at home whilst his sibling was born.

Funnily enough he isn't traumatised either! Popped down once head was out, was behind me (I was in pool) with my partner for the delivery, baby was bought out of water, he was all like 'oh hello baby' got to announce the sex to us and then went off to find some sweets and watch ninjago! It's no big deal to him at all and he's not remotely traumatised!

Although having said that if a child witnessed an awful bloody birth with a bad outcome I'm sure that would traumatise anyone!

Prepare for questions though op! When my son asks I just say 'do you know what, I've got absolutely no idea how they get in there!'

ots · 02/07/2015 11:01

My 4 year old watched his sister be born 2 weeks ago. He was completely unphased by it. He kept rubbing my back making soothing noises while I was having contractions . The following week he told his nursery key worker "the baby fell out of mummy's Minnie"

sparkysparkysparky · 02/07/2015 11:05

Bit odd, let me eat cake, he's seen a baby born but you don't tell him how it got in there. There's plenty of really good material around to help you - mummy laid an egg?

Tangoandcreditcards · 02/07/2015 11:06

My sister watched my birth when she was 5. (more accident than design, I was a 20 min labour)

She's now 38 and still moans about how DIRTY I was. She doesn't seem traumatised by it though, if that helps. I think Mum was more upset that she didn't want anything to do with her yukky mucky little sister for several weeks.

cailindana · 02/07/2015 11:06

Letting a child watch a baby being born while claiming not to know how it got in there is one of the most moronic things I've ever heard. If you're going to cut him off from information you might as well do it entirely instead of giving him half the story and then lying to him.

Battleshiphips · 02/07/2015 11:11

I was home while my mum gave birth to my sister when I was almost 4. I didn't see the actual birth but did hear the birth and saw my ds still attached by the umbilical cord. I've managed to get to 39 without it traumatising me. Can't say the same for the poor ambulance guy who had to deliver her though. He'd never delivered a baby before and kept muttering "I've never done this, I'll be ok, I'll be ok."

FujimotosElixir · 02/07/2015 12:01

agree to disagree i think its a bit gory for young eyes, women are obviously in pain etc i dont think it implies destruction just,too young! imo would you explain to child that age how babies are concieved? probably not. i prefer to leave it until he can digest all of it.

cailindana · 02/07/2015 12:08

Of course I would explain how babies are conceived, if he asked. Why not explain it?

FujimotosElixir · 02/07/2015 12:09

At 5? i dont think its very appropriate,could well be very old fashioned.

StarOnTheTree · 02/07/2015 12:17

DD1 was 3 when she watched DD2 being born and nope not traumatised at all though I did walk in in her and my nephew a few weeks later as they both laid on the sofas with their legs apart and baby bjorn dolls just being born

DD1 was 10 and DD2 was 6 when they watched DD3 being born and were both watching intently as she appeared. Neither have been traumatised by that either (both teens now)

cailindana · 02/07/2015 12:18

What's inappropriate about it? That's a genuine question.

Letmeeatcakecakecake · 02/07/2015 12:39

sparky I know, I just can't find a good way to explain it to him. i thought his sister being born would open the door to a good way to explain how babies get in there but I can't figure out a way that's best for him!

cailindana · 02/07/2015 12:43

How about the truth: mummy produces an egg (show a drawing of where it comes from), daddy produces sperm (again drawing of where it comes from) daddy's penis/willy gets hard, he puts it in mummy's vagina, then the sperm comes out travels up here (show on picture) meets the egg and fertilises it. The egg travels to the womb where if everything is right it'll grow into a baby. Amazing stuff.

NKfell · 02/07/2015 12:47

My 2yr old and 6 yr old have seen bits of OBEM (accidentally) and they're alright although my 6yr old boy did say "ohh maaan! Her foof!!" and held his crotch. This is what alerted me to think "what is on the TV?".

Letmeeatcakecakecake · 02/07/2015 12:49

Cail no need for the name calling. It's just a decision that is right for us at the time. My son being a young boy can be totally inappropriate with information and probably try to educate his entire class about it! Just because one thing is right for one family doesn't make it right for another. Witnessing the miracle of childbirth and explaining conception is different for me and at this time it's not right for my son. I'm not here to argue or exchange names as that's not what I use mums net for. I'm just explaining what we felt was right for our family at the time.

Now excuse me whilst I sit on amazement that I child's first passport application that was received by the passport office on Monday has already been processed and a shiny passport delivered to my door

Letmeeatcakecakecake · 02/07/2015 12:52

Cross post cail but like I said, maybe your kids were ready to digest that information appropriately but I know my son and I know he isn't. Maybe when he outgrows his obsession with putting his willy through the holes in a crochet blanket my great nan made....

cailindana · 02/07/2015 12:55

Again the use of "appropriate" - what's inappropriate about knowing how your own body works?

Letmeeatcakecakecake · 02/07/2015 12:57

I'll raise my family how I deem for cail. Have a nice day

cailindana · 02/07/2015 13:03

Fair enough. In my past experience as a primary teacher if a child hasn't been given good facts by their parents by about age 6 then they'll learn all sorts of nonsense at school from other children. Keeping children in the dark doesn't actually help them it just leaves them open to misinformation.

BathshebaDarkstone · 02/07/2015 13:16

My friend's DD saw a birth on OBEM when she was about 4. She said "that lady's got a sore bottom" followed by "oh! Baby!" Well at least he knows where babies come from now!

Idontseeanydragons · 02/07/2015 15:02

A cautionary tale of not being open about how babies are conceived:
We made the rookie mistake of keeping our eldest 'innocent' until he was about 7 - which was just about the time that the elder brother of his friend decided to give the younger children in the playground an impromptu sex ed lesson. Only he only had the sketchiest of facts himself at the grand old age of 9 and raised more questions than he answered.
Which is why on a hot summers day, in the park among lots of after school parents and children I got loudly asked the immortal question:
"Mum, what's a Vagina?"

His younger sister learnt the basic facts of life at a much earlier age....

Original poster

acatisnotjustforeaster · 02/07/2015 15:06

Some great stuff here. Thanks guys. Totally ok with dc having watched it now. In fact I feel quite happy about it. I agree normalise the facts of life in increments so there is no great reveal.

OP posts:

sparkysparkysparky · 02/07/2015 15:40

To be honest I'm more comfortable with discussing conception with my dd than her seeing childbirth. Which may be to do with my own traumatic experience of giving birth. I don't and won't impart my own dreadful experience to my dd. I tell her it's perfectly natural and women are designed to give birth but I focus more on changes imminent for her and growing up generally. She won't be having a sibling (I'm too old now ) so haven't had the natural opportunity to discuss it. However, I would much rather she hears facts from me than garbled nonsense from classmates.

littlejohnnydory · 02/07/2015 15:52

I think they'll cope. I showed my children (7, 5 and 2.5) a calm waterbirth on youtube whilst we were getting ready for dc4's arrival. The older two know about conception and have done since they were about 3, the younger one hasn't asked. I don't know why anybody would have a problem explaining that.

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