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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have sent this child home?

81 replies

Ironfloor · 30/06/2015 20:12

DD plays outside with the neighbourhood kids after school, till about 6ish when it is her dinner time. Today, another kid whom we know joined them to play. This kid used to come to our house afte school and play with DD till his mom took his older brother for tuition. Today, however, his dad was at home while his mom was out with his older brother. But dad was sleeping while this little boy was playing outside with my DD and the other kids.

Once I went to the kitchen and when I returned, this boy was in our living room. DD and the other kids were still outside playing. I always keep the door slightly ajar when she plays outside and I stay in the living room so that I can keep and eye on her. This little boy had sneaked inside through the open door. Then he asked for some juice, which I offed him and then he made himself quite comfortable on our couch.

Then, DD finished playing outside and came in as it was her dinner time. Today was her school trip so she was shattered. I asked this boy whether his mom is at home and he said no, his dad was asleep and mom was out with brother. I waited for about 20 minutes, they played games on the ipad. Then I told him that after one more game I will drop him home as my DD is tired and needs an early bed time. Then he said that he can go by himself and went.

When I told this to DH he said that I shouldn't have sent him home and that he's on,y a little kid and that I should have let him stay at ours till his mom came back. But I didn't know wha time she'll be back.

AIBU to have ant him home?

OP posts:

Original poster

Ironfloor · 30/06/2015 21:11

I didn't let him go home alone. I saw him into his house through the door which was open.
When his mom is around he and his brother are not allowed to play outside and if they do, the mother will always supervise.
And no, it's not a stealth Muslim bashing. My DH said that to justify why he would have fallen asleep and hence I should have let this boy stay at ours till someone came to fetch him. He was sympathetic.

OP posts:

kissmethere · 30/06/2015 21:12

Omg he's 4! I thought you were going to say at least 10!
How is his dad not aware of where he is and sleeping?
I think you should go and speak to him it looks like he's being neglected. Ask the mother too if she knows this is what is happening when she is at the tuition.

Flashbangandgone · 30/06/2015 21:13

Only he's not 4, he's nearly 4, i.e. 3!!

Original poster

Ironfloor · 30/06/2015 21:14

Yes, now in hindsight, I should have woken his dad up and handed him over. I will keep that in mind next time. I agree with posters who said this.

My original AIBU was whether it was U to send him home as opposed to let him stay at my home till someone came to fetch him?

OP posts:

SilverBirchWithout · 30/06/2015 21:16

Is his Mum home now?

I think I would want to check that sleeping Dad hasn't collapsed or worse. It is very hot and if he is fasting probably not taken liquids all day.

Could you make up a polite excuse to knock maybe?

MrsSchadenfreude · 30/06/2015 21:16

I used to play out when I was three. At five, I was sent to the off licence on the corner for four bottles of Guinness, one of Barley Wine and 20 Number Six.

hibbledibble · 30/06/2015 21:17

I'm shocked a 3 year old is playing out alone as well.

I think you should contact social services.

This is completely unacceptable.

Flashbangandgone · 30/06/2015 21:18

Not that this is really the issue, but I feel sleepy after I've eaten, not when I'm ravenously hungry!

oddfodd · 30/06/2015 21:18

Why didn't you make sure his dad was awake? I fast two days a week. I can stay away so that's a bollocks excuse.

oddfodd · 30/06/2015 21:19

stay awake

In a lot of places, kids of all ages play out together in a gang. It's not necessarily neglect

StayWithMe · 30/06/2015 21:22

It's possible the father wasn't aware the child was out. You said he sneaked into your house, so it's entirely possible he sneaked out off his own house. If the mum doesn't let them play out unsupervised, then it's unlikely the father does too.

Flashbangandgone · 30/06/2015 21:23

I used to play out when I was three. At five, I was sent to the off licence on the corner for four bottles of Guinness, one of Barley Wine and 20 Number Six.

And your point?.... Extrapolating from that I expect at 7 you were smoking woodbines, at 9 joy-riding in your dad's motor, and expected to feed and clothe your 5 younger siblings at 11!

cashewnutty · 30/06/2015 21:26

hibbledibble Why would SW be interested in a 3yo playing outside? I am a SW and really would not be interested if someone called today a child was playing outside and his dad was in the house. Really i wouldn't.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 30/06/2015 21:30

YABU for colluding in a THREE year old being unsupervised and wandering.
Then he said that he can go by himself and went. Are you mad? He's a toddler!

Iliveinalighthousewith2friendl · 30/06/2015 21:31

Cash, and what else would you not be interested in.your post has made me go cold.
A SW especially should never be using the words " Not interested". Where children are concerned.
I think you're in the job, and if you're offended by that, Tough. I don't give a shiny shit!

Iliveinalighthousewith2friendl · 30/06/2015 21:33

Also cash. Yes his dad wAs in the house but he was also asleep. Big difference. It was neglect and if a so called SW can't see that. God help that poor innocent little boy.

hibbledibble · 30/06/2015 21:43

cashew Do you really think ss wouldn't be interested in a 3 year old playing out of the house unsupervised?

To most people that is neglect.

cashewnutty · 30/06/2015 21:44

Honestly there are so many referrals every day to SW which are so much more high level than this. Dad is in the house. Child says he is asleep. Maybe he is, maybe he isn't. Maybe he is watching out the window. Neighbour has him at hers and pops him home.

When i say i am not interested i mean this would never have come near an area team where i work, never mind child protection where i work. It would be headed off at the pass (by staff at the contact centre).

This is not neglect. If you have ever seen neglect then you would know this is not it. If it happened day after day and the child was unfed, and dirty then we might be talking neglect.

cashewnutty · 30/06/2015 21:47

I have been here before about things like this and actually i know most of you will never get what constitutes neglect and what would be the threshold for action by SW because you none of you have ever experienced it. Be thankful that you never have. It is terrible when you see acute neglect at its worst.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 30/06/2015 21:47

Just because you have more pressing cases doesn't mean that toddlers wandering around unsupervised is an ok thing to do. One parent was out and one was asleep elsewhere, no-one knew where the child was or who he was with or if he was safe.
If you think thats perfectly acceptable you've been in your job too long and are numbed to it.

cashewnutty · 30/06/2015 21:50

I never said it was okay, i just said it wouldn't warrant a referral to SW based on this one incident.

I would actually suggest that OP keeps eye on things to see if the child is allowed out alone often or if was just a one off.

BabyFeets · 30/06/2015 21:52

The parents are very irresponsible, I would actually say something to them this child could be being neglected

pictish · 30/06/2015 21:53

Where we used to live when ds1 was wee, there were little ones of 3 and 4 out roaming the streets unsupervised often. Feral kids.
Well I couldn't take them all on and each of their families were already known to SS.
What could I have done?

Why are any of you having a go at the OP?

hibbledibble · 30/06/2015 21:53

Really cashew ? That is very sad.

If this 3 year old is playing outside unsupervised, we don't know what else is also going on in his home. It worries me that cases like this would go under the radar.

I have a dd who is nearly 5, and she will not be allowed out unsupervised for many years still.

tattychicken · 30/06/2015 21:56

I don't think cash means it's ok, she's saying that the incident on its own is not something that SS would be involved with. And for what it's worth, I agree. They are understaffed, underfunded, and are desperately firefighting serious neglect and abuse, and cannot spare resources for crap parenting.

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