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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think this is weird, dh, 18months younger than me, refers to things as before his time, and other people that are his age......

56 replies

PigletCrisps · 29/06/2015 23:15

he will say things about someone then say, he's my age [meaning his]

when I ask him if he remembers such and such from childhood days, he will say oh that was before my time, as if I'm a completey different generation to him or something

yes I'm 18month older,no big deal

I personally find this v odd, and quite weird really

ive told him I find it weird how he does this, and he things I'm being over sensitive
I'm not upset, he is a year and a half younger

but it's just weird

OP posts:

sallysparrow157 · 30/06/2015 01:47

My other half is almost a year older than me, so for 20 days of the year we are both the same age. Although I would never take the piss out of him for his advanced years, I enjoy spending those 20 days telling him how old I am and how I feel ancient and how 34 (for example) is soooooo old.
Even though there is so little time between us, there will be the occasional thing that he will talk about that I was too young for or I will remember that he was too old for. He had older siblings and lived in town and I was an only child living in the sticks so I was probably younger for my age than he was as a young child.
So I guess in our relatively normal relationship there is the occasional age pisstake and the relatively common incidence of different experiences of childhood even though we were about 6 miles and 11 1/2 months apart at the time! But none of it is done in a nasty way and if either of us was irritated by it the other wouldn't have a hissy fit.

mathanxiety · 30/06/2015 02:06

Sure he isn't eighteen years younger than you? Is he twelve?

Original poster

PigletCrisps · 30/06/2015 03:11

Across the pond oh thats good

I'm glad im not the only one who thinks its bloody odd/ dull

OP posts:

AcrossthePond55 · 30/06/2015 03:48

My DH is 6 months younger than me and we were the same year in school (grew up in different areas, though) so I don't get the 'generation gap' crap [hmm}, but he does like to make the odd 'cougar' comment for the 6 months I'm 'older' than him, so I feel your pain.

This 'man must be older than woman' bullshit really bugs me. Even our DS2 at one point couldn't figure out how Mummy could possibly be older than Daddy. He would say 'it doesn't work like that'.

eurochick · 30/06/2015 04:15

My husband is 11 months older than me. If he mentions something from childhood (TV or something) that I don't remember at all, I claim it must have been before my time. It's just a bit of tongue in cheek banter.

KiwiJude · 30/06/2015 04:26

That would get boring real quick Piglet, he sounds like he's got a bit of an insecurity or inferiority complex thing going on. I'm 3 and a bit years older than DH, it's always our age etc. Acrossthepond is on to is

Ludways · 30/06/2015 04:38

My dh is 4 years younger and we remember the same things for the majority of the time, occasionally I remember some early stuff better than him but that natural. I was out of the country 6 years from 18-24, so there's stuff from popular culture that he remembers but I wasn't here for.

We do joke about it occasionally, when I say things like "I remember this being in the charts, I was 15...", he'll pop up with "ah yes, I was 11..", I usually stick two fingers up at him and he laughs, git!

We are the same generation though and for the most it shows that way.

ImNotTheLadies · 30/06/2015 04:52

If I witnessed this convo I would honestly think he was joking and it was perhaps an inside story you had... otherwise... very irritating and he sounds like a right tool

Original poster

PigletCrisps · 30/06/2015 07:29

He really is beinf annoying
If he did it in a funny way that would be different
hes done this loads of times too

It started of last night as I asked him if he remembered tube crisps or football crazy or piglets

OP posts:

Original poster

PigletCrisps · 30/06/2015 07:39

Funny this is although he is a massive 18months younger he actually looks considerably older because he is always frowning and his skin is v wrinkled especially around the eyes

OP posts:

Snozberry · 30/06/2015 07:49

Is he definitely the age he says he is??

DH is 4 years older than me and we remember the same things, although since he turned 30 I have enjoyed telling him how old he is (all in jest of course). I think it's normal to joke about age when there's a gap even a little one but to strop about it is bizarre.

Icimoi · 30/06/2015 07:50

if he's saying it about something that is obviously not before his time, it is weird. I like the idea of turning it back on him - e.g. "You remember when the LibDems were in government, or was that before your time?"

Original poster

PigletCrisps · 30/06/2015 08:53

Yes about things that are not before his time
He simply may not remember them not everyone remembers or even sees anything

But he is basically being a knob

OP posts:

monkeymamma · 30/06/2015 09:00

My dh is 8years older than me. And I still refer to people as 'our age', meaning roughly 30s/40s ish. Your DP is bu.
I do refer to a few things as before my time - crackerjack etc. but rarely.

DirtyDeedsD0neDirtCheap · 30/06/2015 09:04

i think he likes that he is aTINY BIT younger

and likes to remind you of it

bit knobby of him tbh

emwithme · 30/06/2015 10:00

I do sometimes get this with DH but there's a reason for it! I'm 3 1/2 years older than him, I'm the youngest of my family (by quite a long way - my brothers are 8, 11 and 16 years older than me) and he's the eldest of his. So when I was listening to/watching what my big brothers were watching at the age of 8 or so, he was (a) only 4-ish and (b) had a baby brother so didn't have the external influences I had.

He does the "Nope, before my time" thing too, but nicely. I also do "nope, too old for that when he mentions crap that was on ITV we were a BBC family, y'see when he was 10 or so"

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 30/06/2015 10:21

I think in his head the age gap is significant. It really isn't but you need to speak to him about that. I would probably wryly tell him that if he doesn't shape up, you'll trade him in for an older man... ie. someone YOUR age.

My best friend is a man 15 years my senior and I think of us as the same age. It's no big deal at all but if he banged on about our age difference all the time, we wouldn't be friends I don't think.

He's definitely making a point and not just once or twice but all the time. What's he's saying in a not so subtle way is that you're largely incompatible, have different upbringings, ideas on things, just too different. I wouldn't keep letting that slide because it's insidious and it's bothered you enough to post about it. It would bother me too.

ImperialBlether · 30/06/2015 12:58

Has he always had younger girlfriends? Has he prided himself on that? Does he think he can still pull young women?

AcrossthePond55 · 30/06/2015 14:56

I think the bottom line is, if someone who loves you is saying something (even in jest or unknowingly) and you tell them you find it annoying or hurtful and they continue doing it (or have a strop) then, yes, they're being a knob.

andyourlittledogtoo · 30/06/2015 15:09

imperialblether Massive LOL at the Adrian Mole reference

And Acrossthepond yes I second that!!

OP you're right it is rather odd! All sounds a bit silly!

BabyGanoush · 30/06/2015 15:18

It sounds petty and unattractive to me!

andyourlittledogtoo · 30/06/2015 15:20

Just read later posts...

Do you think he is insecure about looking older op?!

EponasWildDaughter · 30/06/2015 15:41

My Dh is 10 years younger than me and always - and i mean always talks to me as if we are the same age, same generation. Bless him, i've no idea if it's on purpose to make me feel good or if he genuinely forgets the age gap 99% of the time. He's not one for being divisive so i like to think it's the later.

(It's amazing, actually, how much we really do have in common when it comes to pop culture, remembering cartoons as kids, where were you when x, y, z happened etc.)

He looks older than he is and i look younger. He is always moaning about how he's looking old.

OP i think your DH is being twatty in the extreme and needs pulling up on it properly.

SoleSource · 30/06/2015 16:19

Totally ignore him with a smug expression as if to say how unrealistic. He has a hang up that he is younger. Seems insulting.

SoleSource · 30/06/2015 16:21

Oh I loved piglet crisps. A bubble shape pig. Smokey bacon mmm

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