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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel uneasy about this

80 replies

STATUSQUO63 · 29/06/2015 22:25

So dh has 2 brothers. Their father has died and has left them maybe 150k each in the will after debts etc. This is enough to pay our mortgage off and leave us with a 75k ish cushion. Their wifes including me have each been left 10k.
So we have a 9 year old a 7 year old and a 2 year old and I sah. Dh has a job earning maybe 65K. He has today resigned as he is unhappy at work and quite frankly his brothers have encouraged him to resign as life is too short which I get to a certain extent.
He has to work a months notice so we have an income for a month and a one month savings cushion. now if fils flat sells quickly we will be ok but if not we will struggle.
The brothers have discussed it and have decided that there is enough money to pay the fixed legacies to the wifes.
aibu to be worried that my legacy is likely to be eaten up paying regular bills whilst waiting for funds to come though.
dh has sad he will top it up but it still doesn't sit right. quite frankly I actually find it weird that I have been left money at all.
So aibu to feerl a little uneasy about this situation.

OP posts:

00100001 · 30/06/2015 07:36

Errr, I'm confused.

Why did he quit his job straight away?

Icimoi · 30/06/2015 07:56

It was insane to resign before the flat was sold and before probate came through, both processes can take ages.

Witty, the brothers are highly likely to be earning less than £65K if they are both lawyers. Contrary to popular belief, it really isn't the route to fortune unless you are a partner in a big city firm.

Original poster

STATUSQUO63 · 30/06/2015 07:58

Becase he hates it. Life is too short to be unhappy etc etc. I advised against it but ultimately I couldn't stop him. Of course we are now going to be stressed if our savings and my legacy runs out before his inheritance arrives but hey ho.
o and I d o know what is is like to be in a job you hate with a bully of a boss. But even though I was single I had bills to pay so didn quit until I had found something else.

OP posts:

BreadmakerFan · 30/06/2015 08:06

Given he has made money tight when you do the food shop stop buying him his treats. You can't afford them now he has acted like a carefree person with no obligations. He's a prat and a mug. Lovely combination.

Radyward · 30/06/2015 08:09

So you have ten grand plus savings plus an inheritance which is coming down the line - you seriously need to chill . Your husband is inheriting from his father something which is allowing him to escape from a major stressor - believe in him getting a job - support him in finding one - really you have no financial worries long term - isint your husband finding a happier work life way better than staying in a job he just found unsustainable . It s a bit poor me on your part dipping into your 10k

Sunnyshores · 30/06/2015 08:11

Insane! How could he do that when he has to support 2 adults and 3 children.

The upside was that he gets a job he enjoys and pays as much in 3 months time - the downside is quite frankly financial ruin. Typical f'ing man, a selfish badly thought out plan.

Horsemad · 30/06/2015 08:15

I don't know how chilled out I'd be if my DH resigned without discussing it with me first - his wife

Whether or not he has a substantial windfall coming his way, it is a selfish action to go ahead without at least talking it over with his wife.

WineIsMyMainVice · 30/06/2015 08:18

Did DH not discuss the decision to resign with you at all?

Legally won't all the money be both of yours anyway? The £10k and the £75k. So I don't really understand the issue.

NormaStits · 30/06/2015 08:20

Can't believe anyone says you're being unreasonable! He's quit his job, your family's sole income, when the will hasn't gone through yet. If the money was due in your account any day now and he had a good chance of a better job soon, fine, but not in these circumstances. Very irresponsible.

Original poster

STATUSQUO63 · 30/06/2015 08:23

He did discuss it and I expressed caution. But I didn't feel I could tell him not too. I am struggling to chill as we have 1 months salary in savings plus the 10k. Even with belt tighting this may last 4 or 5 months. If the inheritance hasn't come though at that point or if neither of us have found work we will struggle to pay the mortgage and other associated expenses let alone food and utility bills.

OP posts:

Preciousbane · 30/06/2015 08:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

STATUSQUO63 · 30/06/2015 08:26

I guess so wine but morally I still feel thst the bulk of it is his. When my parents died I sas left maybe 1k and although some of it went into family pot I did treat myself with half of it so I had a lasting memory.

OP posts:

Horsemad · 30/06/2015 09:05

He should have soldiered on in his job until the money came through, imo.
Not many people work for the love of the job, most of us work to live and would love to give up, but common sense keeps us there.
I think he's selfish and causing you unnecessary stress, OP.

Sunnyshores · 30/06/2015 09:08

Why do you keep going on about the money and how its split. Is this really what its about?

Original poster

STATUSQUO63 · 30/06/2015 09:14

I said at the start thst I felt the fixed legacy to daughters in law was a bit odd. You are right it should not be about the split. Only initially mentioned it because brothers had said when dh asked for money to pay wake it was suggested that they can't do that befire probate but they csn pay fixed legacies. It should and indeed is more about us as a family pottentially being seriously broke if work or inheritance is not forthcoming.

OP posts:

YUDOTHIS · 30/06/2015 09:32

YANBU. Quitting your job before you've found another is stupid at best(If you're sole earner for a family). Ask your DH if he realizes what an insecure position you've now both been put into. Yes he was under pressure but how much more pressure will you be under if your inheritance doesn't come through and you've got to stretch one months salary until he gets a job in an already fractured job market???

butterfly133 · 30/06/2015 09:38

OP, why do you think the fixed legacy to daughters-in-law is odd? It makes perfect sense to me. He wanted to recognise you officially and do a fixed amount rather than a percentage. What is odd about that? I have left specific amounts to friends in my will. I think it's lovely that he recognised his DILs in this way.

re the discussion - I'm more like you, I would say it's his job but I would be worried about that decision given his salary supports 5 people. If it's the kind of London property that sells in about 3 days - crumbs even my crappy old flat did that because the property market is mad - then that's one thing but even then ....5 people and only one month's salary is not a reason to give notice, because while the house might sell fast, you have to factor in probate too.

"hates his job" - how much? If he is honestly dreading going to work to the point of upset stomach and so on - okay. But also, the thing is with money en route, it can be less stressful because he knows he doesn't have to do it forever.

Original poster

STATUSQUO63 · 30/06/2015 09:39

Fortunately the 10k will tide us over for a while and therr is funds in executors account to cover that but when that had gone.?

OP posts:

cashewnutty · 30/06/2015 09:39

I think your DH has been very foolish. He hasn't even got his money yet and what he is getting is not enough to keep you going for very long. In the current employment market he may take a long time to find another job.

Your money is yours to do what you want with. If i was you i would open an account of your own and put the money there to use as you wish.

Your DH has obviously decided that the money he receives is to be used for the family given his actions. If he hadn't resigned he could have used his money as he wanted also.

Original poster

STATUSQUO63 · 30/06/2015 09:47

It is london suburbs so may sell quickly but it hasn't even been put on the market yet as it hasn't been emptied and had a proper clean.
re the legacies I guess it depends on your viewpoint of whether you feel being married means that inheritance is joint anyway or whether you feel as it is his father the inheritance is his and the legacy is mine. Not really sure how I feel.
re hating the job I am not sure if it is at the upset tummy stage but he is clearly more stressed than normal but than again I was stressed when my mum died and I was a sah.

OP posts:

butterfly133 · 30/06/2015 10:02

oh, mine was London suburbs..hmm, okay. But even so, you get crazy buyers who can't get their act together re paperwork and so on.

would he consider retracting his resignation if you pointed all this out?

Original poster

STATUSQUO63 · 30/06/2015 10:37

I have spoken to him this morning as working from home and he has been offered the chance to stay until the end of August which I guess will help a bit but no retraction and indeed I suspect they wouldn't accept a retraction anyway.

OP posts:

butterfly133 · 30/06/2015 10:40

end of August is probably just his notice period?

Yes, most places wouldn't accept a retraction. Will he crack on with finding a new job do you think?

Original poster

STATUSQUO63 · 30/06/2015 10:46

He has been job searching for last two months or so but no interviews as yet.

OP posts:

Fauxlivia · 30/06/2015 12:01

I'd do nut if dh resigned without another job to go to. You dont get to do self indulgent shit like that when you have a family to support. You also dont get take unilateral decisions when what you do affects others.

I wouldnt let him spend my 10k and would expect him to be busting his arse to get a new job.

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