...to want a break?

[Jdee41]

Hi all,

Working dad posting here. I work full-time and DW works PT; we have two pre-school DCs. We agreed when DC1 was born that DW would go part-time as I was the higher earner, but that I would sort out a flexible working pattern to have days home in the week (I discussed WFH but my manager wasn't happy with me doing this for childcare).

Anyway, we have been through a few different versions of this, and at the moment I am using a day's holiday every week to stay at home, and we make other arrangements for the other day DW is at work. This is a better set up than compressing hours, which I tried for three years and ended up with me very nearly being signed off with depression (I am currently six months into a course of ADs after that conversation with the doctor).

Basically, the problem is that because of this I haven't had more than a day away from work (not counting public hols) for years. The last time I had any proper time out of the office was compassionate leave after a bereavement. I've recently taken on much more responsibility, and feel like I could do with some breathing space. I'm just wondering what everyone thinks, and if anyone else is in a similar situation? Is this something that I just have to put up with for the moment?

Whilst I have every sympathy, why did you choose to live in the middle of nowhere with 2 young children and a shared car? Couldn't you envisage the problem?

Could you move to where childcare is available?

Enjoyingmycoffee1981- The OP has 3 days off a week, DW has 5 days off a week and one day the family helps.
That is 9 days a week of having an adult at home to care for kids/do housework.

In the nicest way, you need to move.
You're not unlike my family and our only saving grace sometimes is rhe fact that we live on the outskirts of a town, so I do have to walk 25 mins to get anuthing done but at least it gets done!

Orangesanddemons

This is actually where we were born and raised (the area, that is, although we moved into DWs old family home). We came back here because DW wanted to move to her old home and I wanted to be near my family. Although I do agree we probably didn't think far enough ahead, or I didn't realise how hard this bit would be. It did get much more difficult after a family bereavement, I will say.

fiveofcups

DW has two days in the office which have to be covered. I cover one by using holidays, and a family member covers the other (this is the only day this family member is available). Obviously my holidays won't cover a whole year so we get occasional help from other family, but it has been made clear that this cannot be a regular occurrence.

It will get better, I think. As I say, I was just on a bit of a low yesterday and feeling sorry for myself. Once again, I really appreciate the thoughtful responses :)

Yes yes to the salary calculator. I recently reduced my hours to 0.8. my gross pay is down almost £500, my net only £230 (only makes me sound flippant about £200 I'm not I promise, we need every penny,) but I was pleasantly surprised. I did do the salary calculator but didn't quite believe it! things are much tighter but it's only for a short period. my dc starts school in sept too when ill go back f/t.

Op you sound shattered and I say that as a lone working parent who gets no rest.
I think you need to research childcare again and as others have suggested close to where you work not where you live. You only need one day and it's covered by your free 15 hours so I'm not sure why this is so impossible. You might need to work a shorter day to accommodate drop off and pick up but most nurseries are 8-6.

I had 7 weeks off work last year due to burn out. My sickness rate at work is sky high now. Don't get that bad before you chAnge something