Who IBU?

[Whatdoido2017]

I'm getting married next may. We are having it in our local church with lunch in the hall next door, room for 100 max.

We decided on our Guestlist of 95-100 people - 25 family members each side and 50 friends.

My mum has no parents or siblings and is not in contact with her nieces and nephews. She wants to invite 10 people from her side of the family who are her mum's brothers and sisters (all over 80, I've only met one or two of them). She was hurt that her family aren't 'represented' and insinuated that I was unthoughtful in not making sure shehad some family there.

This would make our venue uncomfortable - I think those ten would make a big difference.

Was IBU to nit ask their input on the Guestlist? Should I have thought about this?

They are not paying for the wedding, if that affects people's views. She has clearly been stewing over this for the last month since we announced our engagement, and tbh I feel really resentful that I'm being made out to be the problem.

[Whatdoido2017]

Lashalicious - thanks for the questions. I really do sympathise and I have added them to the list - I suppose the nature of my AIBU was wibu to not initially think.of these 10 people when I don't know all of their names and they are distant relatives
relatives, wibu to do the guest list myself really.

I get your point that I could make contact, but I don't even know my first cousins names. Now does not feel like the time to rake up my mother's sad past - she very very rarely talks about her family so it's difficult to know how to navigate. When I first told her, I did say that if she had thoughts about people on her side to let me know. I think she's hurt because I did not name names instantly.

I am angry - angry that I am being blamed for being callous when the only signal as I have had from her about her family are that they are distant and they do not really know eachother.

Just to reiterate, I am more hurt about how she has dealt with it, via text and a telling off in public, if rather than her very legitimate feelings of sadness.