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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset by this?

72 replies

CrumpetHead · 28/06/2015 09:53

Would you be upset if you overheard DP talking to his friend and as girl drove past say "get your tits out for the boys" then go on to say "imagine if they were really saggy like old granny tits"
I lost 6 stone a few years ago and have had one baby and am pregnant with second baby now so my boobs are rather droopy so it did hurt a bit to hear as he always tells me "you're the only one for me, I love you the way you are, you do it for me" etc. I haven't mentioned it to him but it has upset me, I'm really body conscious already and now I feel 10 times worst and dread undressing in front of him, it took ages for me to feel comfortable in the first place. I've always trusted him but now I know he says stuff like that when I'm not around it's put some doubt in my mind too.

OP posts:

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 30/06/2015 13:38

Crumpet head. Justify it all you want. Your 'D' H is an arsehole.

Original poster

CrumpetHead · 30/06/2015 15:54

I haven't tried to justify it, I've said I was pissed off and upset by it but he's apologised and said he was wrong so what more can he do?

OP posts:

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 30/06/2015 15:56

I'd be dismayed at my teenage son coming out with such comments, let alone a grown man.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 30/06/2015 16:29

Ok, but you've minimised his bad attitude towards women. Doesn't matter if she heard it or not.

GatoradeMeBitch · 30/06/2015 16:53

You should have some doubts. He's a twat. Sorry.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 30/06/2015 16:58

What more can he do?

For starters, change his sexist attitude. Show that he understands how disgusting it is. Demonstrate to you that he is not going to take part in this sort of "lads' culture, ooh it's funny to belittle women" shit. Not do it any more.

You overheard him this one time when the woman being objectified couldn't hear. How many times has he said something equally disgusting when she could hear? Or encouraged his friends to do it? Because "it's funny"? How do you know?

KERALA1 · 30/06/2015 16:59

Yes I would be upset if dh said it but would be more worried that he'd had a blow to the head or something more likely he fly to moon than say anything remotely like this. But then he is a decent adult man with dds and lots of female friends and not a nobber.

FirstOfficerDouglasRichardson · 30/06/2015 17:01

He's a total arse. I couldn't be with any man who thought it was acceptable to say this about a random woman in a car (whether she could hear it or not).

Summerisle1 · 30/06/2015 17:04

I wouldn't accept that sort of comment from a 12 year old. Let alone a partner.

Original poster

CrumpetHead · 30/06/2015 17:29

So what do you suggest I do?

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 30/06/2015 17:32

I would be mortified if my dh said anything like that, it's awful.

NKfell · 30/06/2015 17:36

If my DP said anything like that I'd be angry and extremely disappointed.

If I heard anyone shout at women like that I'd judge them as a tosser.

Original poster

CrumpetHead · 30/06/2015 17:36

He didn't shout..

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 30/06/2015 17:43

No crumpet, but the mere fact that was in his mindset woukd really put me off. How many times has he said stuff like that, and your not there, or in a Womans earshot. Woukd you be happy if you had a dd, fir her to go out with a man who felt that way.

AuntyMag10 · 30/06/2015 17:44

The thing is crumpet, it's who your do is. He made the first comment so naturally and then proceeded with the second without prompting. The difference is this time you overhead. Do you think he will really change his ways around his friends as well? For me it would really make me see my dh in a different light if I heard this.

AuntyMag10 · 30/06/2015 17:45

Xposted with Aero.

Aeroflotgirl · 30/06/2015 17:47

That would leave a bitter taste in my mouth, I don't know what I woukd do, but it woukd really put me off him.

GatoradeMeBitch · 30/06/2015 17:52

It's tough OP. Should you LTB over one nasty misogynist comment? I'd say so, which is probably part of the reason why I'm happily single!

In fairness, he apologized, and he didn't try to brush you off or make out you were being unreasonable, so you've probably got something to work with there.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 30/06/2015 20:37

Gatorade makes sensible points. I think I would need him to really 'get it' why its such a big deal, but I don't think you could make him. I wonder if you were so hurt by the possible reference to your own body you couldn't see the wider issue, ie total disprespect for women. Many women (myself included) have been on the receiving end of this sort of twattery and it cuts deep IMHO.

Hygge · 30/06/2015 22:19

How did you overhear him say it?

NKfell · 01/07/2015 12:00

OK OP, If I heard anyone say anything like that about or to women I'd judge them as a complete and utter tosser.

"get your tits out" - horrific in my opinion. The problem is like other's have said, you've overheard him this time. It won't be the only time.

CassieBearRawr · 01/07/2015 12:37

I'd be upset about both points- that he's a misogynistic tosser and that he said something which upset you. He's apologised (for which part though?) but I dunno what I'd do from here. You either carry on as normal and accept you're with a bit of an arse or talk to him about it and get a dialogue going - especially with kids in the house. Although he's unlikely to day that exact thing in front of the kids it's indicative that to some degree he holds those kinds of viewpoints - and that will seep into how his kids learn to behave from him too.

We're a feminist household though so that kinda stuff just doesn't wash, and discussions about equality (of all kinds) and behaviours are fairly commonplace anyway. I can see it's harder if you don't actively have those discussions normally.

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