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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to go abroad when pregnant (high risk pregnancy)

39 replies

SweetCharlotteRose · 28/06/2015 09:25

We had booked a fortnight in Spain for August. In fact we had specifically booked these dates to fit in with my cycle as we were planning on having further donor fertility treatment whilst there.

Then out of the blue Ive fallen pregnant. I'm now 8 weeks - I would be around 13 weeks or so when we are due to go. I'm a type 1 diabetic so high risk anyway and I've also got quite bad morning (ha ha ha) sickness which I also had with ds. Stupidly we didn't take out insurance when we booked as usually we take it out a month or so before we go.
In all honesty I don't want to go, particularly for two weeks. I'm worried about the heat upsetting my sugars, getting a bug whilst there, the fact I won't be able to go in the pool much as I have an insulin pump. Usually I just disconnect and sort my sugars out after but my sugars are more erratic than usual when pregnant and I won't take the risk of my sugars being too high as it's damaging for the baby.

Obviously I'm only 8 weeks so there's no saying I will still even be pregnant in five or six weeks time but if I am Aibu to not want to go? Dh is having a sulk about it. I'm struggling with sickness plus diabetes plus just generally being stunned by the fact I'm pregnant which we never thought would happen. Two weeks seems a long time to be away.

Would you go? Am I being previous?

OP posts:

Original poster

SweetCharlotteRose · 28/06/2015 09:25

Precious!

OP posts:

SaucyJack · 28/06/2015 09:29

From my own experiences I cannot imagine anything more miserable than going away on holiday in early pregnancy. And that's without diabetes to consider.

LokiBear · 28/06/2015 09:33

YANBU. I understand your dh being upset. However, it sounds like you have had a difficult time getting pregnant and you need to do what is best for you and baby. Have you got anyone who might buy the holiday from you?

cathcustard · 28/06/2015 09:34

Early pregnancy is knackering for a lot of women, if you BG is up and down & the pregnancy is a (delightful) shock it's no surprise you're feeling bewildered.

By 13 weeks you might well be feeling so much better & might kick yourself for cancelling.
YANBU but I'd keep the existing plans.

lastnightiwenttomanderley · 28/06/2015 09:41

We travelled quite a lot in the first 5 months (Spain, China, Germany) however, I am having a straightforward pregnancy. We were more than aware that, if at any point, I felt I wasn't up to it then we wouldn't go. I actually cut short a work trip last weekend (28wks) as I came down with a horrid cold so flew straight home from Italy rather than going on to Greece where it was 36 degrees.

From what you've said, I can totally understand your reservations. You've pulled out all of the stops to get pregnant in the first place, are suffering with sickness and have your diabetes to manage (DB is T1 so I understand).

If you can't cancel and get any money back (bar flight taxes, which you can do right up until you fly) then I would keep the booking and see how you feel nearer the time. Would it be an option for DH and DS to go together as a sort of 'pre-baby-daddy-son' trip? Would allow you some R&R at home and they would still get to enjoy splashing in the pool etc!

The bottom line is that your DH needs to appreciate that you aren't just being difficult, if you have real concerns then he needs to respect that.

Silvercatowner · 28/06/2015 09:47

It would be the morning sickness and the general early pregnancy grimness that would make me not want to go. The other stuff - I suspect Spain has as good a healthcare situation as in the UK, and if you have an appropriate level of insurance then it would be fine.

Original poster

SweetCharlotteRose · 28/06/2015 09:50

Dh wouldn't take just ds and I wouldn't want them to go for two weeks without me. Dh isn't very hands on tbh and usually on holiday he tends to lie down a lot whilst I look after ds. This also puts me off going because I won't be able to take ds in the pool for long periods of time. The average temperature will be 33 degrees so it will be very hot. It's not somewhere we would usually go. We chose it because it was near the fertility clinic!

OP posts:

Mulligrubs · 28/06/2015 09:52

I went abroad at 9 weeks pregnant and it was miserable in a lot of ways. I was sick a lot, the sun gave me hideously painful prickly heat which I had never had before, I couldn't eat hardly any food at the hotel either as my.stomach was all over the place! That's without having a condition on top like your diabetes! So YANBU in the slightest! However, although I did not enjoy much of my holiday I would have felt shit at home anyway so in a way it was nice that OH got to relax and I didn't have to worry about work, cleaning, making food etc while I was away.

I would keep your plans for now though, you may be feeling much better by the time the holiday comes around. It will be disappointing not to go of course, but you have to look after your health for yourself and baby.

cathcustard · 28/06/2015 09:54

I think there are pumps that you can swim with Op. Have you got a DM nurse specialist you could discuss it with?

DamsonInDistress · 28/06/2015 09:55

He's not very hands on? He lazes around whilst you do all the child care? He's going to be a absolute peach of a parent when you have a newborn isn't he...

Original poster

SweetCharlotteRose · 28/06/2015 10:00

There are pumps you can swim with but not the one I have. I can only have a new one every 5 years so I don't think they'd let me have a different one. Usually when we go away I just accept my control won't be as tight as usual for a couple of weeks and live with it but I'm not prepared to do that when pregnant.

OP posts:

lastnightiwenttomanderley · 28/06/2015 10:04

OP Picking up on your previous point, it sounds like maybe you don't really want to go there anyway and, now the fertility treatment is no longer required, your incentive has gone. When you say 'It's not the kind of place we'd normally go', is it the kind of place your DH and DS would like to go to (and maybe you don't) which is why he's digging his heels in as he knows it wont happen very often?

Frankly, it might be an opportunity for DH to step up to the plate and become more hands on?

Original poster

SweetCharlotteRose · 28/06/2015 10:06

No it's not somewhere we would usually choose as a family. I mean, it's ok but our choice was obviously limited by not wanting to be more than an hour from the clinic.
Dh loves going abroad so I understand he would be disappointed. However we've waited for this for three years and had three failed rounds of fertility treatment in that time so I am not willing to do anything that might jeopardise it!

OP posts:

lastnightiwenttomanderley · 28/06/2015 10:07

Sorry OP, cross post. If you think it will mess with your sugars and cause health problems then that's the deal breaker on this one. Does your DH understand how dangerous T1 can be when not properly managed?

lastnightiwenttomanderley · 28/06/2015 10:08

Haha...double cross post!
Maybe organise a staycation instead?

NotOutingSelf · 28/06/2015 10:10

Tell DH that if you do go it has to be on the basis that you are the one doing the lying around and he is the one in the pool and looking after DS and keeping him amused.

sanfairyanne · 28/06/2015 10:15

i would encourage him to go with ds. i know you will miss them but it will be a great bonding experience and how will he become hands on without practice? he will ideally be much better with the kids when you have 2, otherwise you are going to be knackered! it is easy to fall into habits but they can be changed

YesThisIsMe · 28/06/2015 10:17

Thinking about the money you're saving on the fertility treatment might soften the blow of the lost money. Of course you should have bought insurance at the time of purchase but I'm not even sure it would have paid out for this.

pigsDOfly · 28/06/2015 10:18

Even if you're feeling better than you are now OP, you're still going to have to cope with early pregnancy, the heat and a probably bored, if you can't take him in the pool for long, and overheated DS, all whilst watching your DH enjoy his holiday lazing and relaxing by the pool. Oh yes, and coping with your condition and worrying about your sugar levels.

Sounds like hell tbh.

And DH is having a sulk about your not wanting to go? As pp said, he sounds like a peach.

No YNBU

Ruedewakening · 28/06/2015 10:22

I'm t1 on a pump too - do you not find early on that you're forever suspending your pump due to lows? I found that until about 16 weeks I struggled to keep high enough to prevent hypos, so never worried too much about disconnecting for a paddle float swim.

I'm waiting for the new Medtronic pump, which I'm assured is waterproof and ok to swim in - any chance of getting/borrowing one of those for your holiday?

Slimmerforsummer · 28/06/2015 10:24

YABU for not buying insurance the minute you book your holiday, esp if you have medical condition and are going through treatments.
However, YANBU about not wanting to go. Your dp is being a plank.
Look into selling your holiday - another family buys it and changes the names with travel operator. This will be easier now than a week before you are due to go.
Then book a spa weekend for yourself and lie down as much as you like ;)

Original poster

SweetCharlotteRose · 28/06/2015 10:24

No it's made my doses increase! With ds they dropped but my insulin requirement has gone up this time. No idea why. As an added bonus though my hypo awareness isn't as good as usual. I am testing A LOT.

OP posts:

Ruedewakening · 28/06/2015 10:27

Do you have a DSN you can talk to about it? Assume your at a diabetic antenatal clinic every couple of weeks so could talk to one there? One thing mine did was loan me the clinic CGM so I could spot trends and deal with them without quite so much testing, was a godsend.

Have you been offered a viability scan? Don't forget that if you have one and all is fine, the chances of anything going wrong diminish hugely.

Original poster

SweetCharlotteRose · 28/06/2015 10:34

We had a private scan at 7 weeks and all was ok then.

I haven't actually, um, informed the diabetic team. This is because I'm waiting for it all to go wrong at any second and can't bear making an appointment and then having to cancel it because I've lost the baby. Three years of being told we're hopelessly infertile has really messed with my head. A baby seems even less likely than winning the lottery three times over.

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 28/06/2015 10:40

You could possibly cope if you had a hands-on DH.

You don't. So don't go.

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