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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish that it was time for my daughter's friends to go home now?!

58 replies

Kampeki · 27/06/2015 20:41

DD is 10, and has two friends over for a sleepover in lieu of a birthday party. They're both lovely girls really, but they're really over-excited and the noise levels are driving me nuts. Plus one of the girls is really high maintenance and a little bit too demanding for my liking...

Also, since when has it been the done thing at sleepovers to just let the kids stay up all night? I'm really relaxed about bedtimes etc, and have no problem letting dd stay up late. I know that they want to have a midnight feast, which is fine, and I get that they won't sleep much. However, I've told them that I do expect them to try to get some sleep later on, as dd struggled for the whole week after the last time she stayed up all night at someone else's house. DD agrees that she would like to get some sleep, but demanding friend thinks I am being utterly unreasonable. Am I?

I used to stay over at friends' houses when I was a kid, and we'd chat and giggle till quite late and then get off to sleep. It's been the same for dd when we've done it before, but the last couple of times, she just hasn't slept at all.

I know some people are saying that iabu to let her have sleepovers at all if I don't want her to stay up, and I respect that point of view, but I don't want to stop her doing the normal childhood stuff. Just don't see why they have to stay awake all night!

OP posts:
SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 27/06/2015 20:45

Your house, your rules. Tis the only place where you are Queen. Not BU at all to expect them to go to sleep at some point.

NaiceNickname · 27/06/2015 20:45

The clue is in the name IMO, sleepover, so they sleep! You have to think of the others in the house too, if they're shrieking and giggling all night then it's going to keep everyone else awake. I'd probably let them have their midnight feast and then another quiet hour and then ask them to turn lights off and chat in the dark in bed if they want to, they'll eventually sleep. I remember forcing myself to stay awake at sleepovers, I'd actually be willing somebody, anybody to fall asleep first because then everyone else would too Grin

Good luck! Wine

Original poster
Kampeki · 27/06/2015 20:53

Thanks guys! Really feel in need of that Wine but daren't just in case I need to drive someone home or something!

OP posts:
formerbabe · 27/06/2015 20:54

Change the clocks! Move them forward by a couple of hours.

I feel your pain...one of my dc had a sleepover with a kid who constantly went on about how he wasn't going to sleep at all...was hell, never again!

Original poster
Kampeki · 27/06/2015 21:00

Haha, that's an idea former!

OP posts:
fellowship33 · 27/06/2015 21:04

Last one dd went to involved sleeping at 5am. It destroyed her for the whole weekend. Just not doing group sleepovers anymore - she's 10 and can't hack it.

Start telling them to go to sleep at 11.

Purplepoodle · 27/06/2015 21:04

Dvd after midnight feast whilst lying in beds, hopefully they will drop off?

Original poster
Kampeki · 27/06/2015 21:07

I'm not convinced that they will fall asleep watching a DVD - at least, I don't think dd would. They are watching a film now though, which means it's blissfully quiet for a bit, and I've escaped upstairs!

OP posts:
Devora · 27/06/2015 21:09

I have a dd nearly the same age, and 11pm is my cut off point for everyone going to sleep. When necessary, I sit on a chair outside the door [grim mum emoticon]

IHaveBrilloHair · 27/06/2015 21:10

I let dd have friends sleepover whenever she wants, I have two rules.

  1. One friend at a time
  2. Don't piss me off.

So far, so good.

As soon as you go above two people it's inviting trouble.

vvega · 27/06/2015 21:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

5Foot5 · 27/06/2015 21:12

Yup. You are in charge. A "midnight" feast does not, should not, take place at midnight at their age. In fact I would be very wary about what they are consuming late at night as it will only lead to tummy aches, tears and feeling sick.

Start to be firm about settling them when it feels right to you. Do you have a spare bedroom? On a couple of sleepovers we ended up having to put some in different rooms to get them all to settle

Original poster
Kampeki · 27/06/2015 21:17

Interesting perspectives. The "leave them in the living room to get on with it" school of thought seems to be quite common round here, but I'm not comfortable with that.

I think the midnight feast will be ok - they won't be eating much, just a few little bits and pieces.

We do have a spare room, and I will keep that up my sleeve if I need to use a threat later!!

OP posts:
Devora · 27/06/2015 21:20

It's true, there's always one little monster who looks you in the eye and gives you real cheek. You have to identify that one, get her into bed, and stop her talking. The others will follow.

Mrsjayy · 27/06/2015 21:21

Chase them to rooms with midnight feasts armed with dvds and they have to shush

QuintShhhhhh · 27/06/2015 21:22

10 year olds using the living room?

No way!

Bed time at 9/10, lights off around 11. If they watch a film quietly on the Ipad after then, thats fine as long as they keep quiet.

lastnightiwenttomanderley · 27/06/2015 21:27

Next door had a sleepover last night...5 teenage girls. So they had a genius idea and stuck them in a tent in the garden. That way everyone in the entire street got to be disturbed by their shrieking until gone midnight and then again at eight this morning.

All for sleepovers, but definitely need some ground rules! Good luck OP!

Original poster
Kampeki · 27/06/2015 21:29

Oh dear lastnight, I feel for you! Fortunately neighbours won't be affected by tonight's little adventure!

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 27/06/2015 21:31

I think sleepovers should be confined to bedrooms and lights out at a reasonable time

Joolsy · 27/06/2015 21:32

I'm always very strict when it come to sleepovers, but I've never had more than 1 child stay over, otherwise they do tend to get a bit over-excited. I expect lights out when I go to bed, about 10.30. If they want to chat a bit after that, it's ok, but if they disturb me or anyone else, I won't be happy. I've actually very rarely heard of anyone I know hosting a sleepover where the kids actually don't sleep.So YANBU and don't let her make you feel bad or guilty

Original poster
Kampeki · 27/06/2015 21:39

This thread is making me feel a whole lot better - I was staring to wonder if I might be the meanest mum in the world!

It's the first time I've had more than one at a time. Not sure I'd do it again. It was an attempt at compromise as lots of dd's friends have had big sleepovers with 8+ kids at one time! I knew I couldn't cope with that, but now thinking I can't really cope with two!!

OP posts:
vvega · 27/06/2015 21:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Kampeki · 27/06/2015 22:17

It's one of those things that the mums with the 'high maintenance' dc do, let them run amok downstairs all night then wonder why they have such pains in arses for dc

So true vvega, so true! Grin Parents of demanding child are absolutely lovely and I really like them, but I think they are a lot more indulgent than me or DH!

They are very sweet girls really, and dd is doing her best to minimise the stuff that she knows annoys me, but still...roll on 10am indeed!

OP posts:
Original poster
Kampeki · 27/06/2015 22:18

Demanding child is now begging to play on my ipad. I said no!

OP posts:
SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 27/06/2015 22:20

Good. She sounds very wearing.

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