To take this as a friendship dealbreaker?

[Stoneysilence]

Long backstory, so sorry for the long post upfront.

I have a very, very old and dear friend. To give you a bit of context so as not to dripfeed: always the most fun, supportive and loyal one could wish to meet. At times though, she has been at best thoughtless ("forgetting" conversations, appointments etc), at worst untrustworthy (getting drunk and spilling my deepest secrets - that one took me a long time to get over). She can be childish in her reactions - eg when confronted, will burst into tears and 'run away' rather than having a difficult conversation. All these things are known to me, as my faults are to her, as we have been friends such a long time - and I'm by no means faultless myself; I can be flaky, forgetful, etc. For what it's worth she is single and childless and I am married with DD2 and another on the way.

So, to the potential dealbreaker. A few months ago I extended a (fairly exclusive) work invitation to an event tonight to her as my +1 as she's the person I'd most like to go with - the event is right up her street, was a good fit for both of us professionally, and she's such good fun I knew we'd have a great night together. I was really looking forward to this event - as you imagine I don't get out much, whereas I guess she is out all the time so maybe it didn't seem such a big deal to her. Anyway the arrangements were all made, and she was full of fun on a group chat we're part of this morning. She was supposed to arrive at my house to "get ready" at 2pm this afternoon, as confirmed by text yesterday. By 3pm I thought she was a bit rude to not let me know she was running late, but not overly concerned. 3.30pm when she still hadn't showed I rang her phone a few times - it was off/out of signal each time I tried. By 4pm I was really worried - road traffic accident? Nope. I got a text saying I'd woken her by ringing and she felt ill and wasn't going to make it. I rang back. Went to voicemail - I left a concerned message. No response. 6.30pm I dropped a text - hope you're feeling a bit better after a sleep? No response.

The undercurrent that's in the back of my mind is A) this morning on the group chat she referred to a really tempting lunch event tomorrow with a different friend and some Z list celebs that she wouldn't be able to go to because of coming to mine B) I flaked out on her last house party because my child was sick (literally dnv with fever) and C) If she felt so ill today why was she so chipper this morning and didn't think to text me at any point before 4pm letting me know she was off colour?

Reading this (inordinately long, sorry) post back I think I'm probably BU to say this is a dealbreaker but seriously, I have a right to be pissed off don't I? More than anything I'm sad to be missing a fun night out with my friend. And sad to think it's not because she's actually ill - it's because she's either blowing me out for a better offer, or trying some weird retribution tactics because I missed her last party.

I can't even have a glass of wine and say fuck it, cos I'm fucking pregnant (15 weeks so too early for even a sodding half glass)

Someone! Help before I fall into a well of Friday-night No-Date self pity!!!!

Or a phone call

Watch out for a new thread next week - "Selfish colleague accepted invitation to prestigious work event and couldn't be arsed to attend. AIBU to think she shouldn't be given these opportunities in future?"

Shouldof. .. have you not read the op? Yes someone can be suddenly ill. but it was the back story too .. so the mention of having to miss seeing these z list celebs AND if I was honestly that I'll that I couldn't even send my friend a text... then when I am woken up by my friend I wouldn't be as rude as ops friend was to her. Of course op is going to ring when her friend is two hours late, anything could have happened !

Sorry your night was ruined... but I think YABU to assume friend was lying. Maybe she WAS suddenly taken ill. It was wrong of her not to let you know, but if she'd planned not to come wouldn't she have phoned or texted in good time with a plausible excuse? That would have looked far less suspicious than no contact at the last minute. The fact it was last minute suggests something very unexpected happened and she was unable to contact you. I've had sudden-onset migraines in past, that leave me vomiting and disorientated with blurred vision, it would be very difficult to call or text in this situation (though I'd find a way if i had plans to meet someone).

Maybe she had a severe migraine or sudden attack of D&V and ended up stuck in the bathroom for hours, feeling dreadful and unaware of the time. Or fell asleep. Or had some sort of personal emergency that she didn't want to disclose but it wiped everything from her head. If she's a dear friend like you say, I think you should give her the benefit of the doubt rather than speculating.

I am giving the benefit of the doubt, if you look at all my posts, and read the op. But the doubt still exists, doesn't it.

Have you spoken to your friend, Stoney?

Yes. At 6am on Monday morning she sent two identical 'I'm sorry I'm ill" texts (supposedly from earlier in the afternoon before the story began), making it look as if she'd tried to contact me before the 4pm time she actually did contact me. Since then she's been telling all and sundry on our group chat about what a great BBQ she went to on Monday night - if you'd been so ill as to be incommunicado the ENTIRE weekend, you (I, anyway) wouldn't be chowing down on BBQ the next day. It's clear and obvious bullshit instead of a proper apology. And I'm supposed to feel sorry for her. I'm totally, totally over it.

OP, please give your friend the benefit of the doubt. I am ill this week, but it is something personal that I don't want to tell all and sundry about. On Tuesday I meant to cancel meeting someone (and tell them I was ill) but somehow I just didn't do it and fell asleep and woke up 4 hours after I should have met them to find texts from them. I was mortified.

Tomorrow there is something I will have to go to and I will have to pull myself together and pretend I'm absolutely fine and having a marvellous time. I don't know the people tomorrow very intimately - I certainly don't want them asking personal questions about why I'm ill so I can't tell them or miss the occasion.

I really hope the person from Tuesday doesn't jump to the same conclusions that you are jumping to.

Go easy on her.