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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave DDs (5&8) alone for 5 mins?

74 replies

dontrunwithscissors · 26/06/2015 15:15

My husband has just been made redundant, which means we will have to survive with just 1 car. The DDs's school is over 2 miles away so DH will have to keep the car during the day. (There are no buses he can get and while they could walk when the weather is nice, we are in N Scotland and I wouldn't want them walking day-to-day).

I can get a bus into work, but it's a 15 minute walk to the bus stop and I have a rheumatological condition that makes walking painful. Some days I will manage it fine, but on other days walking that far would leave me in pain.

WIBU to get my DH to drop me off near the bus stop while the DDs stayed at home on a morning? He would be out 5-10 mins, depending on whether he took me all the way, or dropped me off 5 minutes walk away.

DD1 (8) is very, very sensible and mature. She has said she doesn't mind being left for 5 minutes. DD2 (5.5) also happy. I can't decide, however, whether they're a bit too young. AIBU?

OP posts:
kinkyfuckery · 26/06/2015 15:53

If he'd be away five minutes, it's a 2.5min journey at 20mph? So if my Maths is correct, you are talking about a 0.8 mile walk? Are you sure you can't walk that?

If not, take the children. It's in no way appropriate to leave an 8 year old in charge of a 5 year old.

Number3cometome · 26/06/2015 15:55

dontrunwithscissors

Might be an idea to call a few local cab companies - if they knew you were going to be a regular they may accept the short journey?

Original poster
dontrunwithscissors · 26/06/2015 16:08

It's a bit complicated. He could take me to 1 of 2 bus routes. The first route, he could drop me off at the bus stop. It's about a 1-1.5 miles through traffic lights etc and would be a good ten minutes out of the house. If we had the DDs with us, he'd drop me off here.

Alternatively, he could drop me off part of the way to the 2nd bus route, which would mean him driving less along 4 streets on our very quiet housing estate. I think that would leave me a 5 minute walk to complete (or ten minutes, if my hips are particularly painful.). That remaining part of the journey is along a path through houses--if DH was going to drive me all of the way to that bus stop, it would be about another 3 miles.

Not that it makes a difference to whether to leave the DDs or not.

OP posts:
Original poster
dontrunwithscissors · 26/06/2015 16:12

Sorry, posted too soon, the complete walk to the second bus route is (according to google maps) 0.65 miles. I've never actually walked the route. If my hips were bad, it would take me forever (limping along slowly) and leave me in a lot of pain for the rest of the day. It's very hilly, which is a real problem for me. It's an on-off thing, where I might be fine for a week or two and then have a week of problems.

The pain clinic hasn't been able to find pain relief that works/I can tolerate. I start acupuncture (last hope) in a few weeks. Who knows, perhaps it will be the thing that makes a difference,

OP posts:
Number3cometome · 26/06/2015 16:17

I don't think leaving yourself in pain is an option - speak to the cab company, they may be able to help.

RedCurlyTots · 26/06/2015 16:17

Yes just take them with you. We do this with our 12 (SN) and 8 year old when DH is dropping me off somewhere or picking me up. They just put shoes on and a coat over PJ's.

NRomanoff · 26/06/2015 16:27

The thing is, it's likely to be more than 5 mins and what if you have a bump in the car? Dh could end up being gone ages. Some accidents take seconds to be out of control and an 8 year old shouldn't have that responsibility. I am sure some people do this, but I wouldnt

ChristmasZombie · 26/06/2015 16:36

It's not worth the risk.
The suggestion of setting up a regular arrangement with a taxi firm is a good one.

ltk · 26/06/2015 16:41

If you were walking across the road to buy milk, then yes, five minutes unsupervised is fine. But this is unlikely to be 5 minutes only and it involves a car, and it involves you being further than shouting distance away from the dc. So no.

Original poster
dontrunwithscissors · 26/06/2015 16:46

We couldn't afford a taxi. We will barely be able to afford Christmas.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 26/06/2015 16:56

I wouldn't do it for a car journey, no

littlejohnnydory · 26/06/2015 16:57

I would but my five year old is ultra sensible. I'd never have left her brother in the house alone at five. I haven't done it yet but think in these circumstances I probably would.

Floggingmolly · 26/06/2015 17:00

If they can come with you why are you pondering whether to leave them alone or not?? Don't.

SoupDragon · 26/06/2015 17:35

It's not so much whether the 5 year old is sensible, it's the fact that once you are in a car there are many more variables to make the journey unexpectedly longer. Traffic, or being involved in an accident for example.

GobblersKnob · 26/06/2015 17:39

What Floggingmolly said, it seems like a non-issue, just take them Confused

MaizieDaiziesxx · 26/06/2015 19:47

If your condition is severe enough during a flare up, could you apply for an Access to work grant to help with cab fare?
www.gov.uk/access-to-work/eligibility

kinkyfuckery · 26/06/2015 21:31

OP Do you mind me asking what condition you have?

Have you tried other alternative therapies? Reiki? Reflexology?

Original poster
dontrunwithscissors · 26/06/2015 22:17

It's complicated, but the main problem is that the joint pain is a side effect of a medication I take for a chronic health condition. I've spent three years trying to find a suitable alternative medication, but nothing else has worked and I've therefore been in and out of hospital. I'm at the point of having to try to put up with the pain as I can't keep relapsing and taking time off work.

OP posts:
Stopandlook · 26/06/2015 22:23

No, no way, completely neglectful to even contemplate this Shock

TerryTheGreenHorse · 26/06/2015 22:28

It's not neglectful to ask for an opinion or think about something no.

Stopandlook · 26/06/2015 22:33

Well mulling over in your head is one thing, but really needing to ask if it's ok is a bit Confused As others have said, a 5 minute journey can easily increase if there's a breakdown or whatever. Too young to be left, but I'm sorry for your problems. Sensible to take them in the car.

Fluffy40 · 26/06/2015 22:40

Sorry , they are too young to be left, have you got a friendly neighbour that could watch them for a short while ?

Starbrite00 · 26/06/2015 22:48

No its not ok to leave them alone, and I'm sure at their age its also illegal.
I live in north Scotland too, the weather is pish but not bad enough not to walk to a bus stop.
If you really cant walk them what's wrong with taking them in the car with you.

QOD · 26/06/2015 22:52

I'm sure they'll be fine

My mum used to do this and we were FINE! She nearly had a heart attack when she arrived at the same time as the fire brigade though
Honestly. Kitchen fire

thelittlebooktroll · 26/06/2015 22:57

Yes of course you can leave them for a few minutes.