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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this request from the school is BIZARRE?

93 replies

GammonAndEgg · 23/06/2015 20:57

Sent home today with my Year 6 DS:

Traditionally at the end of each academic year the children in year six have a collection to buy the school a gift. Each child can bring in money which is combined as a year group to buy a gift to present to the school at the leavers' assembly as a lasting memory of their time here. In the past children have bought trees, a bench and ornamental features. Donations to the class teachers by Monday.

OP posts:

Topseyt · 24/06/2015 00:17

I have never heard of that at all. I must say that I am surprised by how many seem to think it is acceptable.

It is bizarre and rude. The school have basically written a letter saying "please send in your money by xx date so that we can pat ourselves on the back and buy ourselves gifts!" Outrageously grabby. I wouldn't send anything in.

It didn't happen when my three were at our local primary school. A card and some chocs for the teacher, the leavers' assembly and party was as far as it went.

wafflyversatile · 24/06/2015 00:17

Never heard of this before. Seems a bit much to assume all pupils would feel such goodwill towards their school, for starters. You WILL buy us a present to show your gratitude for how absolutely BRILL we are!

TopazRocks · 24/06/2015 00:18

I wonder how long the 'tradition' has been so far. 3 years? Cynical, moi?

TopazRocks · 24/06/2015 00:22

Doesn't it remind you all of a 'wedding money' letter? Maybe make a point by sending a toaster for the staff room, esp. as this is your last child at the school so your reputation doesn't matter.

mmgirish · 24/06/2015 06:57

I'm a teacher and have worked in both state and private schools and have never heard of that. If it was a student led initiative where the children raised the money and chose the gift themselves, that would be much better. However, the school just asking for the money because it's part of a tradition seems off to me. Also, £15 for a disco is crazy!

mmgirish · 24/06/2015 06:58

Oops so many typos!

Volvox · 24/06/2015 07:19

Actually I think it's nice. And useful. Wouldn't have a problem with it at all.

SoupDragon · 24/06/2015 07:23

I think it is a lovely idea, not bizarre or grabby. These are lasting gifts that enhance the school environment for future years. They aren't asking for contributions to the teachers end of term beer and wine fund.

OddBoots · 24/06/2015 07:29

My DC's schools haven't done this but DD's infant school did have a tree planting event once when she was in Y1 and she and I planted a tree, whenever we go back and see is she gets excited and she is in Y7 now. I guess this is motivated by the same kind of 'pride in what I have left behind' thing but it seems a little badly worded.

exLtEveDallasNoBollocks · 24/06/2015 07:29

I think it's a great idea too. Something that benefits the whole school, rather than something for one teacher. I'd be very happy if DDs school did this.

ARealPipperoo · 24/06/2015 07:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PtolemysNeedle · 24/06/2015 07:34

My dcs primary school does something similar, but it's more polite and just offers a list of books that the library would appreciate. I thought it was nice, my children often came home with books that had been inscribed by another leaver on the the front page, so it was just paying it forward, and in a way that made it clear that parents weren't expected to contribute, or get presents for teachers. Teachers still ended up with loads though!

neepsandtatties · 24/06/2015 08:13

I'd just be grateful that the school used a possessive apostrophe correctly. Unheard of around here!

Nanny0gg · 24/06/2015 09:45

If they'd said that instead of perhaps buying teachers individual gifts (much as they are appreciated!) it would be a very kind gesture to donate the money to a fund to purchase something for the whole school to enjoy, eg a tree... etc etc.

it would be a different matter. The way they've phrased it, I wouldn't bother. And I'd tell them why.

ethelb · 24/06/2015 09:51

20p x 60 if two form entry = £12 which could buy an apple tree (at a supermarket/Wilkos admittedly, not a nursery).

IsabellaofFrance · 24/06/2015 10:01

If the money is due on Monday and school breaks up on Wednesday it sounds like they have already purchased something that they need to cover the cost of.

ShelaghTurner · 24/06/2015 10:28

I've never heard of this before but can't see much of a problem other than it needing gentler wording. It's not as if it's going to replenish the staff room drinks cupboard, equipment for the school is fair enough.

hibbledibble · 24/06/2015 10:49

I think it's quite nice actually, and it is also a very sad reflection on society that so many people think the idea of 'giving back' is odd.

The amount of money we are talking about is pretty small (which hasn't even been specified)

Whatisaweekend · 24/06/2015 11:07

Quite normal in my experience although the message could have been a little less bluntly worded! At our school, there are benches dotted around, an old fashioned bell and a little garden area with various ornaments from the leavers. Always makes me smile when I see them - its like they are still here in spirit having enjoyed their time here and then moved on, taking with them the values as well as the education they have received. I think its nice. A little standard rose tree wouldnt cost much?

stickystick · 24/06/2015 11:48

This is one of those things which tells you a lot about the school's ethos and culture, far more than any prospectus ever will, but which you never find out until you're already there.

For some parents, whether at a state or private school, this would seem a reasonable request - for others rather "grabby". But I have seen and heard of a lot worse than this, as I am sure most of us have.

grannytomine · 24/06/2015 12:13

I've heard of the book for the library but not a general class present to the school. Something that grows can be cheap but lovely. Many years ago when my kids were at primary the elderly couple who lived next to the school were moving. They donated a sackful of daffodil bulbs to brighten up the school for the children as they said the children had brightened up their lives. Now the couple of hundred bulbs (I imagine it was between 1 and 2 hundred) are thousands of daffs every spring. They are round the border of the school and never seem to get pulled up or damaged. I always take a walk up to their old school in spring to see how the bulbs are doing.

Eversobusyeveryday · 24/06/2015 12:21

I like that idea wouldn't have a problem with it at all

littlemslazybones · 24/06/2015 12:24

at like a wedding letter, there will be a poem next:

Oy you parent fuckers
We've been raising your little shits
So now it's time to cough up money
We deserve a gift!

Or some such, I'm clearly not a natural poet

lljkk · 24/06/2015 12:25

I like the idea, send in what you want.

flowery · 24/06/2015 12:28

How are the children/parents going to decide what to buy as a gift?

Doesn't sound like year 6 clubbing together to buy a gift, which of course would have to be organised by the PTA/group of parents/group of children. It sounds like the school just asking for some cash. Very different.

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