To ask teachers, come on- is this code?!

[Balacqua]

Ds age 5 is at the end of reception - he was described during our parent interview as being overly emotional, easily frustrated, difficulties with hand writing, socially immature, doesn't use his words and gets upset, ... Doesn't put his hand up on the carpet and argues with friends. Also told he is academic ally able, good reader, good at maths.

Is this code for problem child?

Thanks nilbyname thats a really helpful response, what good ideas- I will do that

They have told you very directly. I would think they are putting the ball in your court, as it were.

Do you agree with them? Is he like that at home or only in school? If it's on at school, make an appointment with the teacher or Senco to discuss how you can support him. If he is like this all the time, then still make the appointment and perhaps approach your gp, if you think there are other issues to be considered.

Doesn't seem coded to me. They are being very honest. He is capable but not thriving. It happens. I was like this as a kid. It sounds like they have plans to help bring him out of his shell.

I don't think there's such a thing as 'problem child'. Children sometimes have emotional difficulties which are only noticed when they begin school. Emotional immaturity and struggles within friendship groups are completely normal, and it sounds as though school have put some stuff in place to help him progress. I can't see that they're hiding anything or withholding their true thoughts at all.

Surely 'problem child' is code for a child who has difficulties behaving appropriately at school. By expressing the specific problems that your son seems to be having and identifying ways to address them, the school is being really upfront. Is he a challenge to teach? No doubt, but then so are plenty of children for plenty of reasons, some of which are more easily addressed than others...

Thanks cant. Sorry to hear that but I'm guessing you are ok now? Just feeling bit down about it, although none of it came as a surprise

I think its brilliant they have been so forthright and honest this early on. Much better to put support in place early on than just put it down to immaturity and hope he grows out of it. Honestly if your son is having trouble settling/adjusting then take as much support as theyre offering. My son is seeing a SALT and is on an ILP and it has brought him in leaps and bounds. It isnt a mark of shame to accept support from school or other professionals. It doesnt mean he is now officially "a bad'un" it is help that is available to any child that needs it for whatever reason. Really, take whatever is being offered with open arms is my advice!

Thanks dojo that gives me some perspective. He is really good with words and numbers so that must help him not be too much of a pita, I'd have thought? Or am I just not getting what he's like to teach

I had that kind of parents evening many years ago. We did have a tough few years with behavior in primary but now in secondary and it couldn't be more different. In primary lots of children have problems. Lots of great interventions take place and they've almost always settled into normal by secondary.

There is no code there ? Your child is a pain in the bum.... but what 5 year old isn't really?

surly cue glad to hear your ds is getting what he needs.they didn't say they felt involving any other professionals would be necessary nor that he was on school action- if he was on school action, they'd have to tell me , right?

Oh and IMO feedback like that can sometimes say just as much about the teacher's ability to manage the situation as it does about the child in question.

Thanks whensmy - good to hear. No sign of dyslexia yet or other probs experienced by family members except possibly some as traits like slow social development. Language fine though. So I'm hoping it will all be ok to secondary without more intervention, which of course I would welcome if needed.

Eyebags- well quite!

Oh and IMO feedback like that can sometimes say just as much about the teacher's ability to manage the situation as it does about the child in question.

Yes i think you have a point. Having had a change of teachers it was a revelation to have the new one being pro-active in helping me help DS, before the previous teacher would basically tell me the naughty things he did then look at me as if waiting for me to look suitably chastised. New teacher implemented the plan and has discussed with me every step of the way what support is being put in place in class, what i can do at home, what outside help i can access, what his targets are, how he is doing, what needs more improvement etc. a good teacher will be doing this IMO.

In your shoes i would make an appointment with teacher and ask for specific examples of behaviour, what seems to be the triggers, what teacher does to correct behaviour, (rewards/sanctions) and what they think needs to happen going forward. Ask specifically if professional help is necessary or if there is in school support he can access (we have adult mentors in our school) and make a plan going forward.

If it was coded they would have said that he was 'lively' and 'likes his own space'. You've had a pretty clear report, they're not going to call him a 'problem child' but clearly the issues that he is experiencing will be a problem in a classroom setting. I would suggest asking whether the teacher would consider an observation by the SENCO to get an opinion as to whether the issue is simple immaturity or could be symptoms of an SEN, flagging up your family history to explain your concerns.

That's the opposite of code.
Yes they are saying he needs support.
Code is 'charismatic', 'spirited', 'energetic'. Ie positive words to describe a pita. The teacher has gone with negative words. Unless you think they're code for sonething positive?

Thanks all, very helpful

That must have been a tough parents evening. It's difficult to hear things like that about your DC isn't it :(

But it doesn't mean your child is THAT kid or a pain, just that he's having some difficulties.

I was given a similar sort of report at parents evening at the end of reception. But I put it down to immaturity (she's a summer birthday) and didn't worry a jot about it.

I got a similar report at the end of year 1 except this time they mentioned they thought she had some autistic traits - but she was also well behaved and bright, so again I put it down to immaturity and her personality and didn't worry much about it.

In Year 2 they told me they thought she had aspergers and to get her assessed. It came as a massive shock, which is daft really, but obviously everything they'd said previously hadn't really sunk in :( Which goes to show that parents can be blind about their own child and only hear what they want to hear.

I'm not suggesting your child has ASD or anything like that, but just wanted to say well done for listening to them and taking it on board. Hopefully with a bit of support your DS will be fine.

They are saying that while he academically on or above target, but socially and emotionally he is below target. But he is only 5. He has lots of time to mature. Handwriting gets better with more mature co-ordination. If he is academically able as they say he will be frustrated if he is made to write slowly and neatly. Also he could be bored if he is not being stretched. Ask the teacher what they are doing to help him in social situations and to give him more confidence.

This is exactly how my DN was described at the end of his first year-he started too young and was feeling so inadequate poor thing. He repeated the year and within a few months was a different child. Your ds needs lots of support and reassurance. Best of luck.

That was exactly my son in reception. He just wasn't ready for school but he was fine in year one. However the being emotional continued throughout his schooling but that's just his nature.

I have a problem child. Or 'That child'. Well, 2 of them.

Problem child is when the teacher pulls you over for 'a chat' at least once a week (and always on a Monday).
When the staff comment in December of reception yr about September "Wow, he's really settled down!"
When the other parents shun you & your child.
When the HT says they don't want your DS2 to become socially isolated the way your DS1 did, because of what the parents have witnessed.
When parents stop you in the road to complain about your kid's behaviour towards their kid.
When the staff tell you to your face that your child is an ill-disciplined brat.
When your child is the one who reliably kicks off & has almighty tantrums at sports day.

You get the idea.

You shy away from EBD as if it's some sort of contagious disease.
Any young child displaying socially and emotionally challenging behaviour, the most useful thing to do is to find out what's the root cause or causes and put in support and attempt to fix what's fucked up for them if you can.
I've worked with a range of challenging children in primaries over the decades, and I never met one where they were 'that child' without reason.
Sometimes immaturity, sometimes their life experiences, sometimes they were acting up as a displacement activity, sometimes....
A problem child is one with a problem, and the adults involved should be looking at doing whatever they can to support them through it and out the other side if possible.
The school sounds as if they really want to do that. It will be more effective with your support.

Try not to worry too much. If he is already being supported then you are off to a brilliant start. It sounds like the school knows him really well and they have a good plan in place. I speak as a head of year in a secondary school. A diagnosis of adhd or asd doesn't equal problem child. Dyslexia is even less likely to equal problem child. I have so many success stories of children who started out with all sorts of issues. Tbh, they are the reason I do the hoy job. It certainly isn't for the extra few pence in my pay packet.

No, it's saying he's a smart kid, but a 5 year old boy not really ready for formal learning, and struggling to cope with it. Unfortunately, they are not able to say that the current primary setup is unsuitable for lots of 5 year old boys and doesn't meet his needs. Are you in England?