To be really annoyed with my DM

[Stinkerbellabumsmella]

I have a DD who is nearly 23 months old, she's been quite advanced so far, she was walking at 11 months, asking questions saying small sentences from 16-17 months, she's almost potty trained etc.

I'm not trying to sound "smug" as none of it has been down to me, she just seems to pick things up quickly. Anyway my DM begrudgingly has her maybe once a week or once a fortnight whilst I'm at work.
She dropped her off on Saturday and I asked if DD had behaved herself etc etc. DM said yes she's been very good but there was just one thing we noticed . . . Right mum, go on. "Well, she doesn't seem to like using cutlery to eat her dinner anymore which is funny because she was doing so well with it a couple of months ago, she was just digging into her dinner with her hands. Do you give her cutlery to use at dinner time?" Oh FFS mum!! She's not even two! She knows how to use a fork and a spoon together and kind of knows how to use a knife and fork but she gets impatient sometimes and just digs in with her hands.

I did baby led weaning when she first started solids as I was told that babies learn quicker by feeling the texture of their food but she soon progressed on to spoon feeding herself. Aside from this DD is a fantastic eater, she loves fruit and vegetables and I want her to continue like this for as long as possible. I snapped back at my mum that I'd rather ensure that she was eating a healthy diet than turn every meal into a battleground by trying to force her to use cutlery and in turn make her reluctant to eat healthy meals. I also showed her the knife, fork and millions of spoons I had drying on the draining board for her.

I just feel as though she's being really pushy with her, I've always let her develop at her own pace, let her do her own thing and she's a confident, happy child. I think that because she's been a little bit advanced my mum is trying to push her and push her instead of nurturing the skills and learning that she already has IYSWIM. I can only think that if she carries on pushing and pushing its going to lead to feelings of inadequacy for DD as she gets older. It's not the first time she's made criticisms and I just wish she'd keep them to herself!

You need to speak to your DM so you are on the same page, I would want anyone looking after my DC to be able to be honest about the time they spent with them. Most parents want to be a better parent than their parents, and many grand parents do a better job with grandchildren than they did with their own children as the stress is off. Your daughter is young and the talk of being advanced is the pressure you are putting on her and not your DM. Don't follow in her footsteps.

YABVU and also being rude, towards both your mum and the people on this forum. The tone of your posts, and what you said you replied to your mum, was unnecessarily unpleasant. Maybe you do not mean to be rude, but that is the way you come across.

To be honest, it comes across as you being the person who is most obsessed with your child being 'advanced' (which is frankly a hideous concept, and she sounds perfectly normal).

Noticing and commenting on a child not doing something they were previously doing is also perfectly normal. You're very lucky to have a DM who will babysit for you to help you out and if recommend not being so snippy and awful to her in future or she might not want to do it at all, and who could blame her?

So, to recap:
Your DD: normal
Your mum's question: normal
You: snippy and VU.

The whole walking bit baffled me because it's completely irrelevant to the problem you have with your mum. I think your tense rship with your mum is causing you to hear criticism in everything she says. The cutlery comment really isn't an issue and what's wrong with receiving the odd bit of criticism as a parent? None of us are perfect parents

OP to me you sound like you are obssessed with having a perfect and advanced child compared to everyone else. 11 months is around average for walking, not early.

You are lucky your DM has your DD for you. Your mums question is perfectly normal, she is making sure your DD is ok, her grand daughter.

I think you need to take a step back and look at who is really the issue here.

Not so much as a big deal though that you continue to use her for free regular childcare. So you do use her as a childminder. Put your money where your mouth is and send her elsewhere that day, like millions of those working mums whose GP do zero childcare for.