to ask how you keep it together?

[Margaritte]

I mean around the house, and with DC routines.

I just cant seem to manage it all . My house is not dirty, although it is constantly messy. Always seems to be things in the wrong room, or piles of stuff. I tried the Flylady, although I never seemed to be getting anywhere. I try to keep to her morning routine, though again its cleaning, so the rooms still seem chaotic to me.

I also have bags of items to sell hanging of most door handles at the moment. The washing I can never seem to get a grip on, although I do 1 or 2 loads a night (cheaper electric) Inside of cupboards are chaos (wardrobe / kitchen / bathroom / airing) I know that people cant see it, I do though.

I'm trying to get to grips with my finances at the moment - that I do seem to have under control - it's just taking up a large amount of my time at the moment (complete overhaul) and so I don't have much time between that & the DC.

In regards to them (DC) I need to get a grip on that too. Two are at school, and I have a toddler (SAHM) I cant seem to get into a routine with them. They have dinner and go to bed roughly the same time each night, and get up and eat breakfast the same time too. Its all the bits in between; homework / reading / bathing or washing / getting out the door etc. DC3's afternoon naps are hard too, normally sleeps 2 hours, and I need to be out the door by 2.55pm for school run (v. close by) Not sure how to fit around this.

I feel constantly guilty. If I'm doing housework, I feel I should be playing with DC (mainly toddler, as others at school) If I do something with the DC, I feel bad that I'm just letting clutter build around us. And so it goes round, and I never feel as though I'm giving either 100%.

Any advice, or anyone that manages this?
So as I'm not drip feeding, I am recovering from PND too. I feel ok most days now, though this doesn't help sometimes. I seem to get exhausted most afternoons (around 4pm) Not sure if that has anything to do with that though.

I seem to have a lot of grips in OP

With the house I found it's a lot easier to clean in general if you can get rid of any clutter.

When I was on my own with 4DC,I used to find it was easiest to de-clutter drawers/cupboards downstairs in the evening once they were in bed asleep.

I'd find 5-10 minutes in the day to write a list of what I wanted to get done and by when I wanted to have it done.

Having a list to work to means I don't forget anything(used to happen a lot)and it gives me a kick up the arse to get it all done and to get it done by the time I've said I would.

If I wasn't feeling great(I've suffered with PND twice,you have my upmost sympathy it's horrible)then I'd make sure I didn't put down to many jobs to do at once.One evening if I was feeling good,I might de-clutter and clear out 4 or 5 cupboards(maybe in the kitchen)if I wasn't feeling so good it might be a couple of drawers.

Storage is always a good idea,but don't let it get filled with junk once you've de-cluttered.It doesn't have to be expensive neither.I've just bought some plastic boxes with lids on(some for paperwork that needs to be kept and others for toy storage for our youngest son)and I got them from Poundland.£1 each for a storage box with lid,they've been a brilliant help

I was like this after I had my youngest. I also had pnd

I started by making a list each week of what I wanted to get done. All 10-15 min jobs and only doing one or two a day.

Once one room starts looking better I found motivation to do more. First off you need to clear the clutter. Get everything that needs selling, sold. Or donate it all.

Do you have an oh?

Lists are your friend OP.

Make lists of things you want/need to do. Then ruthlessly prioritise and diarise.

Margaritte you mentioned your LO having they're nap and you having to rush to to the school run.I still remember that vividly,it was a nightmare for me and I used to feel like a flaming headless chicken racing up the school after trying to wake yet another LO that didn't want to wake up.

If you LO needs the 2 hour nap(not sure what time they're falling asleep)could you move they're nap forward in the day a little bit?

So if they go down for a nap at 12.40 usually,have 2 hours and then you have 15 minutes to wake them up,get them sorted and out of the door.Could you try laying them down at 12.20?Not a huge difference I know but it would give you 35 minutes then,to be able to wake LO up,get them sorted and out of the door.

You said your really tired by 4 pm,do you ever grab an hour when LO is napping,I didn't for ages.God knows why,but once I did it made such a difference,it stopped me getting that mid-day slump that I always used to get before about 5 pm.

I'm in a similar situation, OP - it's not dirty, as I keep on top of the essential cleaning, but clutter is my enemy - I'm trying to throw out 1 carrier bag full per day, and it is helping.

How old are your DC? Can they get inside with it? I'm trying to instigate a cleaning routine with mine and be clear about what I expect. As ridiculous as it may sound, although we were shouted at for messiness at home, it was never explained how or to what level or when to tidy. It was assumed, even as children, that we just 'knew'. I think that's largely responsible for my confusion and paralysis in the face of mess: I know I should do something, but my only memories are of being 'told off' for doing it 'wrong'

Would your toddler nap in the buggy? Mine sleeps better in there anyway in the day (it lies flat) and then if we need to go out we can just go if she's still asleep.

dh does loads, thats my only answer.

I would ditch the items to sell, you might never get round to it!! Charity shop or a trip to the tip or recycling centre, once you've got rid of the stuff you'll be able to see the wood from the trees.

Do you need to sell the bits you're hanging onto? I was the same as you, decluttered loads and sold some bits. Then a shit storm hit and I didn't have the time or energy to sell the remainder. So it was just taking up space and making me feel guilty. My solution was to do a big bag to a cash for clothes place, I got less than I would have if I'd sold it but the important thing was that it was out of my home. Everything else went to charity. I figured that the money I could have made wasn't worth the head space I got from donating it.

Or what Lyndie said (much more succinctly )

Thank you for all the responses. Yes, I live with DH. He is very good with helping with the housework / cooking etc. When I was at my very worst, he worked long shifts and still helped out as best he could. He's changed jobs now, and finishes at a reasonable time. I feel like I should be able to pick more of it up, as its only fair now that I am feeling better mostly.

We have a lot of stuff, yes - I do really need to sell if I can though. We are in a situation where any penny makes a difference.

I like the idea of earlier nap times, I just don't know how to fit lunch for her into that? She takes a while, and will sit down and enjoy it, whilst reading a book or toy. Sometimes she will sit with me & we watch a Disney film.

We have stairs to our place, so being in a pushchair wouldn't work (although I wish it did, that idea would be helpful.

Does anyone have any routines they find helps?

De-clutter as suggested, it can be very cathartic and making lists is a good idea - I get a huge sense of achievement when I can cross something off. Try to have a place for everything, so you don't have to think about where you are going to put something and also, you won't have to spend ages looking for it.
Make a game with the kids of clearing up their toys, if they will oblige and don't try to worry too much about the rest. Don't feel guilty, enjoy your kids, the housework will still be there when they don't want to play with you anymore (and for teenagers times that housework by 2!!!)

Google Marie Kondo if you want to declutter successfully

OK, so with the de-cluttering, and the fact I need to sell it all (some is on FB already) How do I organise this?

How many toys is too many?

And if anyone can please share a routine, or an idea of me to come up with one, that will help immensely.

Two threads on much the same topic, so I am copying my response from the other thread:

The Reasonably Clean House

This lady really put into so many words what I didnt really absorb from my mother, who always had a clean and organised house. I lived in it, I helped out, but I didnt really grasp the big picture.

The blog is written by a big family on purpose Catholic, so there is a bit of prayerfulness, but not so much that you cant skim if it bothers you.

She divides housekeeping into 3 categories. Cooking, Clothes and Cleaning. This link goes to the cleaning, but the first thing she says is, you cant clean if there is laundry in the way and you have no dinner plan, and she posts links to a series of posts to help you organise those. Dont try to organise all 3 at once, get one under control, then the next, then the last.

She is also good at helping teach you how to rope the kids in, which really is a must in big families. It is in smaller families, for the sake of the child learning, but I admit, it is easier to just do than to get bogged down teaching . i must try harder on that.

all the Kondo threads are helpful for the organising of stuff and reducing your workload aspect. i wonder if a thread on living like Auntie Leila would be as popular?

Hi OP.
Others have given you some great advice here, I just popped in to say that it will get better coping with the clutter, to have a small dc at home always means your days just whiz by in the blink of an eye, mine used to. Also tbh if you sit and watch a Disney movie with your DC that's precious time, and relaxing time for you too, so go for it !
Some advice from me, re your stuff to sell, I used to do what you do ( still do !) but I found a local car boot sale, and I take what I need to sell, either for one or two weeks in a row and then if I don't sell things I sent to the charity shop or advertise, "bag of boys clothes age 6 - £5" on the noticeboard at the supermarket. If you share a boot with a friend, then it costs you half as much for a pitch too.

Oh and I have lots of plastic boxes in my house with "stuff" in...but at least it's away....
Good luck
Hope this helps.

I had PND twice so I sympathise with that. I used to feel my house was a mess if it wasn't absolutely perfect. Think that was part of depression. My friends would look at me as if I were mad and tell me that my house was always tidy. What I am saying is that it might not be as bad as you see it!!

Lists are my friends. They make me feel in control and focused. On Sunday night I sit down and make a list of jobs for the week. I then cross off things as I do them which gives you a sense of achievement.

Also enjoy your toddler. Before you know it they will be a grumpy teenager making different sorts of mess around the house!

These are great ideas, thank you. I can see that if I get rid of clutter, that will help. Even that overwhelms me though.

I struggle a lot with guilt about playing with DC too at the moment.

I will try the lists, and see if that helps. I really need a routine at the moment too, so at 7am / 8am /etc

The problem with a routine is that they're hard to stick to and you'll be upset and beat yourself up when it doesn't work!! One of the DC need you and you miss something on the routine, it might not be helpful.

You probably have a rough framework already and it's probably more about developing good habits than following a rigid schedule.

But mine would look like
Get up, hot drink, empty dishwasher
Breakfast, get dressed, make lunches
Put a wash on
School run
Home and
Activity with DC who aren't in school
Hang up wash, lunch, few minutes tidying
PM activity, nap, school run
Snack, start dinner
Bath, bed etc

If your DD at home is still quite young I think moving her lunch forward a bit won't harm.

I have 5DC and I always stuck to 12 for lunch for ages(was just what my parents had done)but when I needed to move the LO's nap time,I moved they're lunch forward to 11.30,I worried that they'd moan.Honestly they didn't even notice.

With selling items I was going to suggest FB,I would stick all you want to sell on there.You could take all the pictures,write a short bit about what it was,condition,size ect and then stick them into albums together on your Facebook,Items for Sale.

I was also going to suggest selling sites like Preloved,Freeads,Gumtree anywhere that you can sell items for free.

Thank you for the routine frame Lyndie. It makes sense to plan without using times.

I didn't think about moving lunch forward, 11.30 is a good idea, I Will try THAT this week (and let you know)

When l was home with little ones l did one hour housework every morning and stopped . In that hour l went flat out knowing it was only that length. Then l played with toddler went for walk with buggy met friends for coffee etc. You could become a slave to bloody housework . Better to go like mad for that hour that fiddle around all day feeling guilty . Five hours a week got a lot done and l had some fun too.