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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

It's (yet another) wedding one

63 replies

MrsArthurFarnsbarns · 21/06/2015 08:05

Why do weddings seem to cause so much bloody hassle?

A very longstanding friend told me she is getting married. 2nd marriage after being single for many years so I am very happy for her.

It falls on a weekend when my teenage DSS will be with us (50/50 shared care). Rather than text her to say would it be OK for DSS to come to the wedding, I arranged to chat and explained about DSS, and offered to pay for his meal.

Suddenly it was "That would be great, thanks sure you don't mind paying for your meals" and I was being asked to pay for all three of us!

After a week think about it I feel hurt, but well is that the norm nowadays? Maybe AIBU .... I just think if you are invited to a wedding you don't end up paying like its a night out! I don't want it to sour the relationship.

OP posts:

swimmerforlife · 21/06/2015 10:14

I can't believe you had the gaul to ask to bring another guest, not just cost that is a problem, there will be seating arrangements etc.

I bet she doesn't even want your DSS there and through gritted teeth said yes because your a good friend. And I am sure DSS will have a whale of time, having to go to a wedding knowing very few people.

Op, I would just suck it up as you have probably already caused her unnecessary hassle.

KoalaDownUnder · 21/06/2015 10:15

Ooh, awkward.

I don't think you should have asked, to be honest.

But I also don't think she should expect you to pay for all three meals - you and your husband are her invited guests.

A bit of a manners fail all around, I'd say.

maddy68 · 21/06/2015 10:16

I wouldn't have asked to bring the child. That was rude. If they wanted him there they would have invited him in the first place. Get a babysitter. Like I would do or ask of he can go to his friends that day.
Then the problem is solved, you don't have to pay, friend gets the wedding she wants

I think she knows exactly what she was doing with the align fir the meals. She doesn't want the child to go!

EatDessertFirst · 21/06/2015 10:19

You were rude asking. Our wedding is set to be a very small affair and adding an extra uninvited person would cause havoc with seating plans, venue numbers etc. Its not about the money. Its not your wedding to invite anyone to.

You definately should have text/emailed her rather than put her on the spot.

pictish · 21/06/2015 10:21

Hen honestly, no one sane is that precious about their wedding day.
Most people understand that their guests have lives/children/commitments out-with their role as honoured witness to their magical union.

Charging them all for their meals isn't gracious...it's weird.

Still think OP and her OH should have just assumed the lad would sit it out at home, but you're making it sound like they killed a fairy or something.

KoalaDownUnder · 21/06/2015 10:53

I agree to an extent, pictish; I generally think people are getting ridiculously precious about their weddings.

But really, it's not even about it being a wedding. I wouldn't ring up and ask if I could bring an uninvited teenager to any formal event, especially one with a sit-down dinner. It's rude.

VelvetRose · 21/06/2015 10:56

Well perhaps it's just that we're planning our own small wedding and while I can see OP's request isn't a crime by any means I can see how it can make things really difficult for the couple. If they say yes then they may feel they have to ask other people's children who haven't been invited. In our case that would increase the guest list by 12 people which we can't afford. I don't think that's being precious.

MrsBermondsey · 21/06/2015 11:15

That was a shock, wasn't it!

It's a bit off to ask you to pay for all three meals but I wouldn't have asked to bring another guest to start with. I think it's rude. You either accept the invitation for the two people on it, decline it or reply personally saying that only 1 can make it as the other has a prior engagement but that the one who can make it would love to attend if that's ok. You don't contact a bride to be who is juggling with numbers, seating arrangements and spaces and ask if you can bring a third party.

Fauxlivia · 21/06/2015 11:16

Bride should just have said no if adding an extra guest was a huge problem. If I was in OPs position I would not be upset if I was told that adding an extra child would make things awkward because I'd already asked other guests not to bring dc or that numbers were tight.

I think the bride is being weird here. She ought either to have said no or accepted payment for dss meal. Anything else is grabby or PA.

MythicalKings · 21/06/2015 11:30

She's not being weird she was put on the spot and gobsmacked at the cheek of OP.

MrsBermondsey · 21/06/2015 11:37

MrsArthurFarnsbarns what exactly is wrong with your teenage stepson having to be left alone while you and your husband go to a wedding?

expatinscotland · 21/06/2015 11:38

Simple. Take the amount she quoted you, divide by three, put a third of the amount in the account. It's a second wedding, not the Second Coming.

BatteryPoweredHen · 21/06/2015 14:24

It's a really sad day when actually being allowed to choose your own wedding guests is seen as 'precious'

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