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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel sad about writing in Fathers day card

69 replies

whatisforteamum · 20/06/2015 19:24

I have a lovely card and the words say it all.Mentally ive had a few "lasts" with Mum and Dad having advanced cancer now this will be my Dads last Fathers day for sure.I have to work the whole day due to staff shortages until about 11pm.
I just feel reluctant to write in his card and he doesnt want to see my sister or anyone sunday(he knows its his last too).My heart goes out to others who have lost their lovely fathers

OP posts:

peppersaunt · 21/06/2015 09:21

Lost my DF suddenly last summer. Every milestone since (esp his birthday) has been tough. Can't go near card stores around now as it makes me tear up. to all the other fatherless children, whatever our ages.

MrsTedCrilly · 21/06/2015 09:38

It's awful isn't it, this is my first fathers day without my dad.. Bastard cancer He didn't even like the day! It's just hard seeing others talk about their dads and all the adverts.. I hope you get maximum time with him OP

Jakadaal · 21/06/2015 09:44

It's my DFs 88th birthday today as well as Fathers Day. We are lucky to have him but he has dementia so is unlikely to recognise us when we visit today. If found buying him cards really difficult this year knowing he wouldn't really understand them and also that this is potentially his last birthday/Father's Day.

Thinking of all of those in similar circumstances or who are without their DFs

ChishandFips33 · 21/06/2015 09:56

Sending hugs out to everyone and special ones to my dad who's looking out for me elsewhere

Poppet1974 · 21/06/2015 11:22

to all who are finding today difficult.
This is my third Father's Day without my adored Daddy. I understand how hard it is

Original poster

whatisforteamum · 21/06/2015 16:59

halfway through work and the shift hasnt been too bad the thought of it was worse tbh.I feel they could let me finish earlier and have asked although i think it will be 10 ish.Oh well no tears were shed at work and i hope they get shownsome compassion when their dfs are in their final weeks.I hope you ve all done ok getting through today with more happy memories than heart ache

OP posts:

Fallout4 · 21/06/2015 18:49

It's my first without my lovely dad. It's only been six months and today has been difficult. I miss him so much.

Original poster

whatisforteamum · 21/06/2015 23:35

OH IM SO SORRY fallout.Im glad today is over tbh,

OP posts:

EmmaGellerGreen · 21/06/2015 23:58

This is my 7th. He died on June 2nd, birthday was June 5th. June is a hard month now.
Whatis - there are no words that anyone has that can make things less horrid for you. Be kind to yourself. x

Original poster

whatisforteamum · 22/06/2015 08:12

Shame my collegues couldnt let me finish earliest as one had promised the woman decided it would be emotional blackmail if i went first (and let 2 of them do the last cleaning) like i did last week.I got in 1045 and my daughter gave me a hug x

OP posts:

PeppermintCrayon · 22/06/2015 09:29

You're all lucky to have dads worth missing; I would trade my living abusive dad for one who gave me good memories. I'm not saying your grief doesn't count but be glad of what you did have.

PointyBirds · 22/06/2015 09:36

That's not cool Peppermint. I'm sorry about your dad, but that post is the equivalent of people going onto a thread about toxic parents and telling them they should be grateful they're still alive and how you should treasure your parents because you'll miss them when they're gone.

Both sentiments are fine, but there are places to express then and this isn't the place to make comments like yours.

PeppermintCrayon · 23/06/2015 10:30

No sorry, people who lose nice parents have no idea how lucky they are.

PointyBirds · 23/06/2015 13:00

FFS, that may well be the case but you don't have to tell them that on a thread where they are saying how sad they are. What are you trying to achieve?

MrsTedCrilly · 23/06/2015 13:13

I lost my wonderful dad and absolutely agree with Peppermint. I feel very lucky to have had him and lost him than to have a horrible one still alive. Because his lovely qualities are within me and the great memories will always be there. I think it a lot actually and it's comforting. But it's not the right thread to say it.

PeppermintCrayon · 23/06/2015 17:08

Sorry - you are right that it's not the right thread.

MrsClueless · 24/06/2015 08:06

This was my first Father's Day without my dad. He only died 12 days ago. My Father's Day card will be going into his coffin when he is buried in a few days time. I didn't really know what to do with myself in Sunday and kept wanting to pick up the phone and speak to him until I realised he wouldn't be there. I agree, it's not fair :(

herecomesthsun · 24/06/2015 08:17

aah, my dad died 15y ago on 9th July, have been thinking of him lots

MrsTedCrilly · 24/06/2015 20:54

Sorry for your recent loss MrsCrayon, look after yourself It's awful isn't it, how can they be there one day and then never again. I'm 3 months in and it is getting easier but he's on my mind all the time.. On Fathers day I thought I was doing okay but seeing the posts on facebook was hard and I was unusually tense my DP says. Some dates will be forever sad now but hopefully tears will be mixed with smiles.

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