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AIBU?

To feel sad about writing in Fathers day card

69 replies

whatisforteamum · 20/06/2015 19:24

I have a lovely card and the words say it all.Mentally ive had a few "lasts" with Mum and Dad having advanced cancer now this will be my Dads last Fathers day for sure.I have to work the whole day due to staff shortages until about 11pm.
I just feel reluctant to write in his card and he doesnt want to see my sister or anyone sunday(he knows its his last too).My heart goes out to others who have lost their lovely fathers

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LadyGlen · 20/06/2015 21:17

to everyone for whom tomorrow will be difficult.

It will be the first Fathers Day my children will have had without their dad. He died last November. Not sure how any of us will feel, TBH.

elderflowerlemonade · 20/06/2015 21:18

I'm so sorry Lady, how sad to lose a husband and father so young

MrsBobDylan · 20/06/2015 21:21

for you op. I am in a similar situation and have bought my Dad two cards, one of which is so emotional, he'll wonder what's got into me . I just want him to know how much he is loved.

I can't bring myself to write in it though as it just makes me cry.

2gorgeousboys · 20/06/2015 21:23

Thinking of everyone who will be missing someone tomorrow.

Tomorrow will be the first Father's Day for DH since his Dad passed away in February. Its difficult for everyone and our boys are struggling too with missing their Dgdad. DS2 had chosen a Best Grandad pint glass and some flowers and is going to use the glass as a vase on his grandad's grave .

AbsentMindedNumpty · 20/06/2015 21:23

Oh OP, it's a distressing time for all of you, sort of like a limbo. My dad died in a hospice last November, they looked after him so well. I have been walking past Father's Day displays all week feeling sad. So sorry for your and your children's loss, Lady.

Theas18 · 20/06/2015 21:30

Hugs to all.

Taken dad his card colouring books and CDs. Bloody impossible - no idea what to get him- he stashes edibles, and doesent do anything really unless prompted ( apart from moan about the " broken" CD player - he plays eith all the switches so it's always on " radio" setting or something ).

Took him out for a concert that I think he enjoyed ( he's in a home) .

2boys2girls · 20/06/2015 21:32

My dad died 22years ago and I miss him more as the years go on as hes missed so much in my life ... I buy cards for him and put by his grave with a bottle of beer ... My children draw a picture to put on it and we let a balloon off! In fact everytime my children get a balloon they let it go for grandpa

Musicaltheatremum · 20/06/2015 21:34

I sent my dad a fathers day card. He is nearly 83 and in great health but it is so sad as I bought it when my son was with me and his dad(my husband) died in 2012. I know I am so unbelievably lucky to have my dad and my mum and even made an impromptu visit to see them yesterday for 24 hours.

Musicaltheatremum · 20/06/2015 21:37

Tryingtokeep sorry for your loss too.

PercyGherkin · 20/06/2015 21:38

Torr good luck with the 10k. I did it last year for 25 years since mine died. I felt in such good company, was really lovely to spend it with other people, so many people also running for their fathers. And watch out for the zoo animals as you go past!

Rowgtfc72 · 20/06/2015 21:40

My first father's day without my dad.
Went up to my mums grave where we scattered dads ashes at Christmas and the rose tree we were going to dig up because we thought it had died is blooming with small red roses. Dad was a big rose gardener, it would be nice to think the old man had a hand in this.
for all who will find tomorrow difficult.

whatisforteamum · 20/06/2015 22:33

thank you all i "manned up" wrote it and popped round to find him out taking photographs.The card said how much he had benn there for me and taught me things etc basically what i wouldve said.I took fancy chocs as he has cleared out the house to make things easier for MUm who also is on 4 months cancer checks.She told me he only has months and end of life pain relief has been discussed..we focused on the fact she has had way longer than her yr This is her 7th and Dad has has bit longer than his 2 prognosis.Dad drove up as i was leaving so i gave him a hug.He knows how much me and the others love him he is one in a million and im sorry so many of you are having such a hard time,I dont feel tearful though and know sunday is cooking lots of lovely food for many other Dads.I will be thinking of mine too and thanks for sharing. x

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girlandboy · 20/06/2015 22:48

I am glad that you've seen your Dad whatisforteamum. I'm sure he will treasure it. It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate at the moment. He knows that you love him lots, and I'm sure he'll love the chocs too.

I shall take my Dad some chocs too, but this is the first year that he won't know me. He has Alzheimer's and has now forgotten me. But like your Dad, I'm sure he'll appreciate the choccies.

Hope your day goes well.

LadyGlen · 20/06/2015 22:53

Thank you, elderflower and AbsentMinded.

I've been thinking about this thread all evening. I can't adequately put into words what I want to say but I'll be thinking of you all tomorrow.

whatisforteamum · 20/06/2015 23:04

oh im sorry girland boy about you Dad alzheimers seems such a cruel illness as are so many.The pain is there all the time isnt it more heightened when we here what a fab time others are having (christmas is the worst).

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whatisforteamum · 20/06/2015 23:07

Ladyglen i am so sorry for you and your dcs

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mumeeee · 20/06/2015 23:10

I know what you mean OP. It is sad he doesn't want to see anyone tomorrow but I'm sure he knows he is loved and he sounds like a lovely man.
I'm sad as tomorrow will be my 2nd Father's Day with out Dad. He died 18 months ago and we buried my Mum yesterday.

whatisforteamum · 20/06/2015 23:15

mumee so sorry i think this will happen to us tbh life can be so cruel i hope you have friends in RL .x

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DrElizabethPlimpton · 20/06/2015 23:17

My DF has dementia and although he still recognises me, he can't really communicate anymore. I hate the thought that this is likely to be the last Father's Day when he knows me.
to everyone missing their lovely dads.

LovelyBranches · 20/06/2015 23:18

So sorry for you. My father was my hero and I miss him dearly.

He never met his grandson, my 8 month old DS. It's a terribly sad reminder but I've been determined to make this a lovely celebration for DH as it is his first Fathers Day.

Iwonderif · 20/06/2015 23:21

for you whatisforteamum. Hope work distracts you. Not fully obviously but I hope it stops your mind from wondering.......take care of yourself. Be gentle on yourself too.

whatisforteamum · 21/06/2015 08:17

I hope today passes with reflection on how great our lovely Dads have been and i must admit to having a few tears and im not the crying type.So sorry to those of you whose husbands have died leaving young dcs and those who are about to lose a great Dad.My parents do agree with mothers day and fathers day but it still tugs at the emotional heart strings !!

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Minifingers9 · 21/06/2015 08:32

I lost my dad 5 years ago. On fathers day I think about how very lucky I was to have a kind, responsible and loving father for 44 years. And I give thanks for my wonderful DH and FIL (81, severely disabled, housebound, but still laughing, and teasing the kids and driving us all mad).

Sorry OP that your dad is so poorly. :-(

whatisforteamum · 21/06/2015 08:47

thanks Mini at least we know this is happening.Im sorry about your Df.

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LadyGlen · 21/06/2015 09:08

Ladyglen i am so sorry for you and your dcs

Thank you, whatis and I do hope you get through all that you have to face as gently as possible.

for you and mumeeee, DrElizabeth and everyone else having such a difficult time.

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