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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed at DH's faffing?

54 replies

GreenStriped · 20/06/2015 13:51

DH is a faffer but only when it suits him. If he wants to go somewhere or do something that benefits him then he doesn't faff....

This morning he said he would do lunch for the DCs, which included going to the shop to get some bits for lunch. It got to 1.30 and he was still faffing around watching tv and I said that it the DCs would be getting hungry. So he then spent a further 20 minutes faffing around ready to go to the shop, doing things like re-laceing his trainers, and has finally gone now.

Anything that is of benefit to me and the DC, or isn't something that he wants to do particularly, is done with so much faffing around. We were going out last night and just as we were about to leave he decided to clean one of the car windows, then took ages wiping it rather than just a quick wipe.

It's really pissing me off!

OP posts:

irretating · 20/06/2015 18:12

I've been showing DH this thread saying ''this is you!''.

hiddenhome · 20/06/2015 18:13

Mine is always the last to leave the house.

He also runs a bath each morning and has to spend time drinking a fresh coffee and reading his book regardless of what time we need to leave. I have a five minute shower and can do my makeup and hair within ten minutes.

hunibuni · 20/06/2015 18:19

My best friend (otherwise known as the other wife) and my DH are like this. Her DH and I now factor in an extra 30 minutes where we have coffee and a catchup while the other 2 do whatever it is that they do that is sooo important Neither of them are ever late for work (thanks to us) and both get into huge strops due to anxiety if they think they will be late. The phrase "yes dear" is often trotted out when they are being totally U

MrsRossPoldark · 20/06/2015 18:22

Yup! I get all this. We ended up going out to a festival in our local park to have something to eat as DH said he was going to supermarket & didn't. I suggested I go out now (it's 6:00) as the children will be getting hungry soon and grocery shop & cook will take at least 2 hours. He insists he'll go as "I said I would didn't i?", but he's now gone to sleep in front of Storage Hunters. I am waiting for the first DC to come in & complain they are starving, while I have been catching up on the ironing (thinking he was going shopping).

hiddenhome · 20/06/2015 18:23

I wonder why they're like this?

Gileswithachainsaw · 20/06/2015 18:24

My dp does this. I take forever apparently but I'm always ready to go as are the kids i got ready. He just has to sort him self out. cue looking for a particular t shirt. like they are all old faded holy and you can't see the design on the front any more so why it matters i dont know. then five mins to go til leaving time and it's the toilet. Every sodding time. even if he's already been. He needs the loo again.

MrsRossPoldark · 20/06/2015 18:25

He's also the one who makes us wait as he will decide his bowels have moved just as the other 4 of us (& the dog) are ready to go.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 20/06/2015 19:30

Seriously, I wouldn't put up with this shit, I just wouldn't.

junebirthdaygirl · 20/06/2015 20:16

This post is like therapy for me. My dh and l were heading into town this morning. I was all set looked out the window and he was mowing the garden. When l questioned him he said but lm getting the grass cut. I have to breathe deeply. Also visitors coming one weekend so l decide to blitz the house as work well under pressure. He promised he would help and began to tidy the garage. It has a great big door that hides everything but lm supposed to be thrilled the garage is getting tidy. Why oh why?? Thanks for enabling me to get that off my chest and lm delighted others have this too.

RackofPeas · 20/06/2015 20:28

It's an evolutionary thing. As a hunter gatherer you want to be out early so you can get the good game first. But you don't want to be first out of the cave in case there's a lion waiting to pounce.
So... Dh gets up and fusses and faffs at us. We're all ready to go and that's when he'll decide to run off and do something random. Up early... But not the first out the door.

paddypants13 · 20/06/2015 20:30

My dh is a faffer of the highest order, especially if it's a task he doesn't want to do. It drives me demented! Just get on with it!!!

He accuses me of faffing when he wants to go somewhere with 5 mins notice but does nothing to help me sort out DD. I'm not faffing I'm just getting myself ready at the same time as a toddler plus doing all the things you have forgotten like locking the back door and turning the TV off! Bless him...

chipshop · 20/06/2015 21:12

DP is a faffer extraordinaire. He never checks out on time at a hotel, pissing about instead. The phone often rings or we get a knock at the door telling us to leave. He's always conveniently in the shower or on the loo so I am the numpty dealing with it.

DP mocks me for getting stressed about this. So now I head down to the bar or lounge to relax and leave him to deal with the maid seeing him in the altogether.

Topseyt · 20/06/2015 22:21

Mine went through a phase of just loving to play space invaders on his phone. He would even sit on the toilet playing it for ages.

One day we were supposed to be going over to collect DD1 from Uni to come home for the summer holidays, with all of her stuff. It is about a two hour drive away and we were supposed to be there at around 11.00am. By 10.30 am he was still seated in the downstairs toilet playing fucking space invaders. Whenever I asked when he would be ready he would just reply "in a minute" and it was infuriating.

I nearly had steam coming out of my ears by the time I phoned DD1 and she said she would text him. She did. She texted "Stop playing Space Invaders, get off the bloody toilet and get your arse over here NOW". Not one to mince her words, my DD1, and it had the desired effect. He emerged red faced and sheepish a couple of minutes later. I am not one to normally advocate offspring speaking to their parents in any such a way, but hey, needs must.

At least DD1 had already left campus and was staying with my sister, who lives about 20 minutes away from there, so hadn't been chucked out of her halls of residence onto her arse. My sister was doing lunch for us all and for my parents, which we finally arrived for at about 1.00pm, and we all teased him mercilessly about his toilet sessions of Space Invaders.

Talk about faffing and procrastination.

IUseAnyName · 20/06/2015 22:42

Op, since when has watching telly been faffing?... Thats procrastinating!

My dh seems to always put the kettle on for a brew, 5 mins before we're due to leave the house! Wierd!

MrsRossPoldark · 21/06/2015 12:51

Quick update re supermarket shop:

DH fell asleep in front of TV again & we ended up with fish & chips from takeaway last night. This morning being Fathers Day, he has just come out of the shower (it's 12:45!); DS3 has given up on a promised trip down to the track to do some training (he's a county level sprinter) and gone into town with his mate. I've done the laundry & am about to start the ironing. He still insists he's going to supermarket but I'm bored- weather is gorgeous & I'd rather be out with the dog than waiting for him but if I went on my own, he'd be insulted! On top of that, he is travelling back 'up north' later today as he has a course to deliver this week and is away from home so we can't go out for (the rest of) the day anyway.
I feel a supermarket shop tomorrow coming on (when I'm back at work too!). If I just did it all myself instead of waiting he'd have a go cos he said he'd do it!! Can't win!

OliveCane · 21/06/2015 13:33

Yanbu. You are describing my DH. I've given up on it - I just make my own plans now.

Whatdoesaduckdo · 21/06/2015 13:52

MrsRoss
Do an online shop now for delivery tomorrow when you come home from work, you have until 11ish tonight to cancel so on the off chance he bothers it's fine and your covered.
My husband is a faffer we have 6 children and I now can't be arsed if he's not ready to go when we are we go without him, if I do cook for him (not often any more) I plate it up and put it in the oven. He has improved slightly but my life is immeasurably better as I'm not stressed out being late and disorganised

Topseyt · 21/06/2015 13:56

Mine is currently rodding out the drain outside the kitchen window as it had begun to block and overflow over the patio whenever the sink was draining or the dishwasher pumping out.

I guess that means I can't complain today, as it us working and he is doing OK. He saw the urgency of that one when I started looking for the plumber's number yesterday.

Most of the time he is the arch procrastinator and faffer though.

MrsRossPoldark · 21/06/2015 14:00

Whatdoesaduckdo: he finally went half n hour ago, saying "I'm not doing a full weekly shop, just enough for today and tomorrow breakfast", so I'll still need to do a big shop tomorrow! Will wait until he's driven off for work tonight & get online.

Just feels like I spend my weekends waiting & waiting & waiting. Given up on the older two DS17 & DS16 as they don't want to come out with parents any more which is fine, but all this waiting to do stuff with DH is painful.

Just as well I always have a book on the go so I get a few chapters in while I'm waiting or I pop outside & do some weeding!

FryOneFatManic · 21/06/2015 14:06

For some people, faffing is a form of control.

I'd not be able to live with DP is he was a faffer, and I've now got the DCs into realising they need to get themselves ready early than 1 minute before we go.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 21/06/2015 14:08

"It's leaving the house for us. Makes my blood boil when people 'joke' about women taking forever leaving the house. Frequently DM, DD and I are standing by the car while FIL, DF and DH are arsing around, all separately, in the house."

Yup - this is my dh too, MrsTerry. What gets me is that he'll be at the front door, asking if the rest of us are ready and saying 'let's go' - so we leave the house and stand by the car/get in the car and then, and only then, he vanishes back into the house for some faffage!! I have no bloody idea what he does.

And yy to the tidying thing too. One Christmas, we'd got MIL and BIL staying - and on Christmas Day, I was rushing round like an idiot doing all the cooking, and I asked him to whizz round with the vacuum, and sort out the dining room. In fairness, he did vacuum downstairs - but then vanished upstairs to give our bedroom a deep clean instead of tidying the dining room. The bedroom did look lovely, but as I wasn't planning to dish up the meal in there, I would have preferred a bit of tidying up in the dining room. He still doesn't really understand why I wasn't totally happy with his efforts.

Athenaviolet · 21/06/2015 14:11

He could be a lazy arse or it could be an autistic trait.

Have your done an aspie quiz on him.

If a lot seems familiar explore it further.

OliveCane · 21/06/2015 16:56

SDT, that's exactly what my DH does when it's time to go anywhere! It frustrates the hell out of me ...

DollsHouseTeaParty · 21/06/2015 18:31

...and then suddenly appears ready so while you've been reading MN while you've been waiting for him for the last 30 minutes and runs out to the car and calls out to you "HURRY UP!!)

I now tell him an earlier time that we have to leave to ensure we leave on time.

Went to the cinema on Monday and told him we had to leave by (earlier time) got to actual time we had to leave and so told him we were going and my daughter and I just walked off and left him. Looking for a packet of screws for some reason. He ended up chasing us up the road in the end.

I'm not putting up with faffing and him causing us to be late any more!

MrsRossPoldark · 21/06/2015 19:36

Having finally done the shop DH then went to sleep on the armchair again. I went into town for quick coffee with a girlfriend whilst he supposedly was helping DS1 with his cv.

Then I got a call saying he was taking DS3 to the track & would I hurry up and come back if I wanted to go too. I told him to go & that I'd make my way home & join him there (we have 2 cars). When I got back he was still discussing cv with DS1 & we went out 15 mins later.

Did an hour and a half at the track. Then he whinged as he wants to cook tonight before leaving to go up north. I suggested I'd cook but he said no & then promptly went back to sleep on the sofa. (He'd been coaching DS3 by the way, whilst DS3 & I did the actual running)

He really has turned procrastinating into an art form!

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