To think it's not the job of teachers...

[Sidalee7]

To show children how to behave?

I was in a cafe earler where at the table next to me there was a 4 year old girl, her dad and her granny. She was being a bit whiney, nothing major but they were talking about how difficult she was (in front of her) and then the dad said "When she starts school it will improve as the teachers will show her how to behave".

AIBU to think this is the parents job - not the teachers?

I would say its obv parents job, and they're being unreasonable to think that its someone elses job. But i think teachers/school do have a huge impact on the behaviour of kids as teachers do praise and discipline good and bad behaviour

I think it takes, and needs, both parents and teachers, for different aspects of behaviour. It's not the main job of a teacher obviously but I do think for some children teachers have a big influence on behaviour.

Add to that the wider family circle - "it takes a whole village to raise a child" and all that.

They sound like they have had generations of poor parenting modelled to them. You would think someone would try and seek help.

Well before they go to school or nursery. It is down to the parents. However once they start school/nursery it should be a partnership betweeN. Parents and the school.

It's the teacher's job to reinforce behaviour not teach it for the first time

Yes it is the job of a teacher simply to reinforce good behaviour. But children who are poorly behaved, often improve massively after 6 to 8 months at school.

Takes longer than that and uses a lot of teaching time and resources.

It is really shocking.

It isn't possible for teachers to teach children to behave. We can punish bad behaviour , but it is a massive drain on the time and resources available to the school and makes sod all difference if good behaviour isn't taught at home.

It's amazing, isn't it? An entire family has had years to teach a child how to behave -- but expects the teacher to accomplish this within the framework of a few hours each day while she's caring for and instructing a roomful of other people's children, as well.

This pisses me off!! It's the children who have no behaviour expectations in place at home that are the biggest disruption and drain in a classroom. The main role of a teacher is to TEACH, caring for the whole cohort and reinforcing positive behaviour in collaboration with parents.
Sending a child to school without this having begun at home is massively unfair, not so much to the teacher, but mainly to the other approx 29 children in the class who have their learning time disrupted so that negative behaviour of the minority is dealt with.

This attitude is shit. I am fed up of hearing shit like this. Because that teacher is then not spending the time with the other pupils they should whilst trying to deal with a child who has not been given guidance at home.

That said ds has been taught to behave but doesn't always act how he should and his behaviour improved after starting the nursery at school when he was 3. But it was more being round other kids that influenced him. He used to struggle to sit down for more than 30 seconds at home. At school the teacher says he always sits down well and quietly when asked. So the school environment has helped. I don't however feel it's the teachers job to teach behaviour and if he wasn't behaving at school we would be dealing with it.

Saying that I am a secondary teacher and sometimes the most responsive to rigid boundaries, praise and firmness are those with chaotic car crash home lives. Shame really.

Everything is down to teachers, even anti terrorism surveillance

As for the nappies thing, some children have medical conditions, it's not always lazy parenting.

I think they are partly right.

Having the other kids around her sitting still, being quiet etc will help her to see that it's normal to do those things.

Plus the teacher will explain rules and help the kids to follow them.

Both the teacher and the parents should be showing the child how to behave.

I admit to relying on my cm to sort DS out sometimes. She's stricter than me and a lot more experienced

I have a 4 year old and my main concern is that school teaches her to be kind, generous, friendly, courageous and fair. This is as much my job as it is the school's and is equally influenced by other family members, peer groups and society.

Not too bothered about how she sits in a chair.

In general yanbu but it should be remembered that some children will find it difficult to transfer things taught in one situation to another. When ds started school he didn't climb on tables at home because I had spent a long time stopping him but he did at school.

I think it's more unreasonable to expect 4 and 5 year olds to sit down and be quiet all day at school. It's not the best way for them to learn and is actually pretty cruel. It is convenient and cost efficient though

I was going to
Say what formidable said.
You said the behaviour wasn't that awful. It could be an off the cuff remark not phrased entirely well about struggling to get the girl to sit still and being in a classroom and realising she isn't the only one that this is expected of.
I liken it to friends in the past have said when one of their dc isn't listening will you tell him/her. Not because they are eubbish parents because sometimes hearing from someone else that the behaviour isn't acceptable can help the dc realise that their mum isn't just being a nag and that oh hold on other people don't like this.

Sadly schools are being expected to do more and more whilst still increasing academic levels which is where our real focus should be. As a society our focus and expectations have changed and not all parents are supportive of school anymore. If I had been told off at school I certainly didn't go home to tell mum as that would have meant a second telling off! Not true anymore. I'm not parent bashing but there are too many who think that teachers lie and their child never does! None of this is supporting good behaviour which is what we all want for the next generation.

Mijass99. I am yet to go into a reception class where they are all sat down quietly all day. However they are expected to listen when spoken to, clear up when asked, be polite and develop positive relationships with their peers and adults as modelled.