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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get irritated by their disappointment?

49 replies

ImSoCoolNow · 19/06/2015 15:30

Currently expecting DD4. We found out at a private scan a couple of weeks ago that she's a girl.

Before we found out what sex the baby was, everyone kept saying to us: are you hoping it's a boy? Now I understand that, given the fact I haven't got a son (DP does with his ex wife) people would be expecting for me to have a little boy, or at least want one.

I admit, to have a boy would have been nice. But it's equally as nice to have a girl. Babies are gifts and I'm already so blessed to have 3 beautiful daughters and are going to have another one soon. I couldn't care less if she was a girl or boy. As long as she's happy and healthy.

Anyway since finding out and telling people, all we seem to get are these disappointed looks and comments and people saying; oh no 'ANOTHER girl?' How are you feeling about it (cue sympathetic head tilt) one person actually said 'aw that's a shame I was hoping it was a boy' I know people aren't meaning to upset me or be nasty but I just can't help get annoyed by this. Do they think we will love her any less just because she's a girl? Do they think my life is incomplete just because I won't have a son? (This is our last we have decided)

Some people aren't as blessed to have even one child, never mind 4, and I hate their comments! I feel as though I have to keep explaining myself to everyone that I'm really very happy to be having another girl and she is very much wanted!!

AIBU?

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 19/06/2015 15:32

No, but yabu unreasonable for the "as long as she's healthy" as I'd hope you'd love her even if she's born and she's not healthy.

MrsNextDoor · 19/06/2015 15:33

Gosh YANBU. I have two girls and would love two more quite frankly. Whatever you get is marvelous! Four girls will create a fabulous home life and loads of amazing memories Congrats!

Original poster
ImSoCoolNow · 19/06/2015 15:36

Oh of course I'd love and care for her regardless. I just mean your main priority when having a baby is not their gender but their health. I feel like everyone, on both sides of the family, are disappointed. There is no need to be.

OP posts:
oldguygirl · 19/06/2015 15:36

people seem to think its ok to have opinions about other peoples family. I have one child and people tell me I'm selfish!
I have come to the conclusion that the only family configuration that doesnt make people comment is 1 boy 1 girl.
At the end of the day its none of their business and yes they are bvu.
Either tell them to mind their own business or shrug off theit stupid opinions

FuckitFay · 19/06/2015 15:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RedDwarfPosse · 19/06/2015 15:40

Put these people straight - tell them you aren't bothered by gender and you're delighted to just be having another much-wanted baby. They'll be the ones feeling guilty then, instead of making u feel shit for not providing everyone else with a boy!

textfan · 19/06/2015 15:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ImSoCoolNow · 19/06/2015 15:45

I do say to them we are over the moon but I feel like I'm constantly having to explain this to people. Why the hell should I? Why would I not be delighted? My hormones are also starting to take over!

OP posts:
nailsathome · 19/06/2015 15:49

I have 1 girl and 1 boy and people feel the need to comment on that too! Things like "I bet your pleased you've got 1 of each" and "you're lucky you don't need to have any more now". We're planning at least another 2 and don't care at all what they are.

scarlets · 19/06/2015 15:49

Yanbu. Terrible manners.

elderflowerlemonade · 19/06/2015 15:50

YANBU but I guess I do wonder why pay for a private gender scan if you're not bothered?

Sandbrook · 19/06/2015 15:50

I was the opposite. After three girls I had a boy and most people irritated me by saying you must be delighted it's not another girl Hmm

Original poster
ImSoCoolNow · 19/06/2015 15:51

So sorry for your losses textfan. I do realise how very very lucky we are to have our girls. I just wish some others would realise this too and keep their mouths shut!

OP posts:
Original poster
ImSoCoolNow · 19/06/2015 15:58

Actually, the gender scan was for a number of reasons. Due beginning of November and wanted to have gender specific clothes etc in because I'm not keen on shopping more during the Christmas rush with 4 kids. Plus I hadn't found out with the other 3 so everything was lemon or white when they were newborn and wanted to have clothes in for when she is born. The biggest reason though is the fact that we are moving home and didn't know if we had to look for another 3 bedroom or a 4. Plus the gender scan was on special offer and I'm an impatient git :)

OP posts:
elderflowerlemonade · 19/06/2015 16:01

You don't have to justify it to me Smile I love them and have had them with all mine.

I wish i was someone who genuinely didn't care but I do - I suppose I just tend to think it gives the impression that the sex of the baby is something you care about and I think it's reasonable to assume that with three girls you might want a boy.

Not that it excuses rudeness!

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos · 19/06/2015 16:12

Like Nails, having two of each, I get an equal number of silly comments to which I now tend to answer "Yes, didn't I organise it well?" with a smile fixed to my face, as if I had any hand in it whatsoever!.

Original poster
ImSoCoolNow · 19/06/2015 16:58

I suppose it doesn't matter what your circumstances are, someone will pass judgement. I think it's really on my mind as I'm going to a baby shower tonight (member of DP family and she's having a boy) and I know folk will be giving the head tilt. Cannot be bothered

OP posts:
Charlette1 · 19/06/2015 17:08

You're not being unreasonable not at all, I know where you're coming from despite not having 4 dd's myself. My first child was a boy so naturally when I announced dc2 a couple of years later everyone was telling me how much they want a little girl and asking me what I'd do if it was another boy! Lol. It just so happened dc2 was a little girl, so afterwards I was told oh you're done now aren't you, you've got one of each you don't need anymore lol. So you can imagine people's shock when we told them five years later we was having dc3!

I got asked repeatedly why we want another baby when we already have one of each! Like I was being greedy or something lol, then I got told oh I bet you don't want another girl as they'll do nothing but fight when they're older lol, and of course dc3 was a boy so that shut people up. I honestly think people will have an opinion on absolutely everything, like it's there business.

QuiteLikely5 · 19/06/2015 17:10

People are just trying to make conversation

Sigh

You can't please everybody

Original poster
ImSoCoolNow · 19/06/2015 18:12

Family telling you: 'I really hoped it was a boy, that's a shame' is not just making conversation QuiteLikely these are people who I converse with on a regular basis

OP posts:
3CheekyLittleMonkeys · 19/06/2015 19:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

saturnvista · 19/06/2015 21:00

YANBU

We're having a boy and have already got a girl. It irritates me that everyone assumes this is the best outcome/what we wanted. I like girls and would have been happy with a girl, equally so with a boy. What's so good about mixed gender families?? Surely it means there's less common ground as they get older, anyway.

RackofPeas · 19/06/2015 21:07

If someone had acted disappointed that my second child was another boy I'm honestly not sure what my reaction would have been. Probably quite rude. I really don't get this kind of thinking. My neighbor did ask if I was going to try for a girl - when ds2 was barely a week old.
I gave her this Hmm look

MehsMum · 19/06/2015 21:16

YANBU. Some people people are just making conversation, some people do genuinely feel sorry for you, but either way, it gets annoying.

Esp when you're pregnant or newly delivered and a mass of hormones.

KateLennard · 19/06/2015 21:28

When I had ds2, the nurse in the hospital, when I had just given birth said. 'Oh well, you can always have a girl next time'

Like I was disappointed in the small, perfect person I had just pushed out of my body.

I was too done for to say anything at the time but the memory still makes me angry.