Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To get irritated by their disappointment?

49 replies

ImSoCoolNow · 19/06/2015 15:30

Currently expecting DD4. We found out at a private scan a couple of weeks ago that she's a girl.

Before we found out what sex the baby was, everyone kept saying to us: are you hoping it's a boy? Now I understand that, given the fact I haven't got a son (DP does with his ex wife) people would be expecting for me to have a little boy, or at least want one.

I admit, to have a boy would have been nice. But it's equally as nice to have a girl. Babies are gifts and I'm already so blessed to have 3 beautiful daughters and are going to have another one soon. I couldn't care less if she was a girl or boy. As long as she's happy and healthy.

Anyway since finding out and telling people, all we seem to get are these disappointed looks and comments and people saying; oh no 'ANOTHER girl?' How are you feeling about it (cue sympathetic head tilt) one person actually said 'aw that's a shame I was hoping it was a boy' I know people aren't meaning to upset me or be nasty but I just can't help get annoyed by this. Do they think we will love her any less just because she's a girl? Do they think my life is incomplete just because I won't have a son? (This is our last we have decided)

Some people aren't as blessed to have even one child, never mind 4, and I hate their comments! I feel as though I have to keep explaining myself to everyone that I'm really very happy to be having another girl and she is very much wanted!!

AIBU?

OP posts:

EponasWildDaughter · 19/06/2015 21:35

4 girls here too.

Perfectly happy about it, and would, if i'd had a choice, chosen it that way in fact.

My XMIL, upon the birth of DD3, said 'oh - never mind'.

My new MIL, upon the birth of DD4, said 'ooh you jammy moo! How do you do it!? And how lovely!'' Bless her

LatriceRoyale · 19/06/2015 21:41

I have two girls and can't have any more but four girls sounds fab.

loveandsmiles · 19/06/2015 21:42

I am due DD5 in 7 weeks time. I have 1 DS too. When I had DD4 I got so many nasty comments - "not another girl, your poor son, your poor DH, imagine all the hormones when they are older etc...." - nothing positive at all. With this pregnancy I've hardly told anyone (not got a big bump) as some people just suck the joy out of everything - DH and I just love our big family regardless whether they are girls or boys.

Enjoy your family and never mind what others say x

Original poster

ImSoCoolNow · 20/06/2015 00:46

Tonight at the baby shower an inlaw actually said: I was so disappointed for you when I heard you were having a girl. My poor wee bump!!

OP posts:

Astrid28 · 20/06/2015 08:43

I'm one of 6 girls OP and my mum said it has always been the same.

People assume that you're somehow being saddled with yet another daughter and 'join' you in commiserating!

We sorted through some old new baby cards at our mums place a while back and found a card to my Dad from his sister upon the birth of girl number 4, which said 'So AstridDad, another girl? You'll get your son soon God willing' If emoticons had been a thing, I imagine she'd have thrown in a few sad faces for good measure!

We found it hilarious, but it probably wasn't great for my Mum to read at the time.

I wouldn't change my sisters for the world (most of the time) and we actually say imagine if we had a brother - his poor wife would have to deal with all of us!

Sod em! A new addition to the family is a wonderful thing - Congratulations!

SaucyJack · 20/06/2015 08:51

How horrible!

You must need to work on your SMOG (smug mum of girls) face tho. My 3 DC are all girls, and I wouldn't change it for the world.

Original poster

ImSoCoolNow · 20/06/2015 09:03

Thanks everyone. There were loads of sympathetic faces last night. I just kept smiling and saying how delighted I was and how I can't wait

OP posts:

bippityboppitypoo · 20/06/2015 09:10

I'm expecting dd4 too! I felt so pressured by these comments.

It upset me when people said "at least she's healthy" what so not having a boy means a consolation prize of a healthy at least girl? no! I am delighted to be having another daughter

bippityboppitypoo · 20/06/2015 09:11

I also remember a woman I hardly know being really upset when I told her, my face must have said "why the fuck are you upset?" Because she soon was full of apologies

Yarp · 20/06/2015 09:12

Those people are tactless, rude fools.

Don't feel you have to justify how you feel to them or us.

Congratulations!

Original poster

ImSoCoolNow · 20/06/2015 09:34

Congrats bippity I know their comments shouldn't get to me but I guess I'm a sensitive soul just now with my hormones. I can't wait for a house full of girls personally :)

OP posts:

Mrsjayy · 20/06/2015 09:41

You know some people just say stuff its like they have a stock of phrases for different situations its like a twin pregnancy its double trouble or just you wait till they are teenagers the aww bet you wanted a boy is something they say it is tactless mind you but try and not take it to heart

Mrsjayy · 20/06/2015 09:43

I had 1 woman look in my pram after dd2 said what did you have aww never mind you can try for a boy

Original poster

ImSoCoolNow · 20/06/2015 09:44

The tactless 'making conversation' comments aren't bothering me as much it's the family members who are genuinely going all out and telling me they are 'upset' and 'disappointed'

Why is my tiny daughter upsetting and disappointing them so much?

OP posts:

Timeandtune · 20/06/2015 09:49

I wonder why you would tell people the gender in advance anyway? It is up to you how much or how little information you disclose to acquaintances and friends. You are not obliged to share this ( or any other) info.

Gwenci · 20/06/2015 09:52

I'm one of the apparently 'lucky' ones with a 20 month DD and 2 month old DS.

I've had a lot of the 'how lovely, you can stop now' 'one of each is perfect, how clever of you'.

I absolutely adore my DS (obviously!) but I'll admit, I was initially disappointed when we were told he was a boy. I'm one of three girls and liked the idea of a gaggle of girls of my own!! (I'm totally over that now!)

But why does everyone assume one of each is best? You can't reuse clothes, they can't share a room. It's easier to have the same! It's an odd fixation people have.

Original poster

ImSoCoolNow · 20/06/2015 10:06

Because I'll be damned if people do the sympathetic looks and dissapointment when she's here! Post natal hormones may take over!

OP posts:

Imnotbeverley · 20/06/2015 10:11

I am currently of with DC2, a second boy and there have been very subdued reactions from pretty much everyone we have told.

It makes me feel sad and annoyed.

YABU, and also it isn't unreasonable to hope for a healthy child as someone up thread claimed

EveryPenny1 · 20/06/2015 10:23

This is why I never wanted to find out the gender before my dc were born!

OpalQuartz · 20/06/2015 10:26

I would just say, "Sorry you're so disappointed by my new baby daughter."

TheDowagerCuntess · 20/06/2015 10:26

Four girls, how utterly delightful. Congratulations!

YANBU, needless to say.

Original poster

ImSoCoolNow · 20/06/2015 12:39

Thank you everyone for your congrats and Opal I think I may start using this

OP posts:

hackmum · 20/06/2015 13:54

File under "People are twats".

GlitzAndGigglesx · 20/06/2015 14:14

I'm pg with twin girls and when I told people it was always "ahh I bet you wanted one of each" or "how will you cope with 3 girls?"

Flip

1 2