To ask why everyone is pro choice when it comes to pregnancy, but not when it comes to birth?

[LashesandLipstick]

It's considered pretty "old fashioned" and even rude to loudly proclaim you're pro life and to tell other women what they should do. It's accepted that decisions around a woman's body are hers, and that we should respect her choice, even if we disagree with it.

Why does this seem to disappear when it comes to birth? Suddenly EVERYONE has an opinion on what you want. Oh you're having an ELC? You're obviously trying to schedule your baby around your selfish lifestyle. You could at least try. You want a homebirth? Don't you know the risks? You're having an epidural? Women's bodies are designed to cope with labour pain, you're being a wimp!

I could go on. Shouldn't we be respecting women's choices on this, even if they're not a choice we personally would make? I honestly don't understand why someone else can have such a strong opinion on another woman's birth choice!

somewhere what an utterly shit excuse. Oh you're having an op on the NHS that we all have to fucking pay for regardless but let me have an opinion on that.

And this is why l despise the NHS and the attitude of saving money on it.

Somewhere what the actual fuck, that can apply to ANY medical proceedure for one and two, that's not how the NHS works. Luckily most people see human beings not "my money"

I got to the point where I did once say to somebody that unless they were prepared to push my baby out of their body they got no say in my decisions regarding labour. They were appalled that I wasn't prepared to plan an epidural as my most important need.

Sadly, said person was a midwife and scheduled a planning appointment with the anaesthetist anyway. He was fine when I said I hoped I'd only have to see him in an emergency, and said he'd be glad to get my midwife to back off.

I hope you enjoy the rest of your pregnancy Lashes :)

Procrastinator exactly! They're not the one giving birth so I don't know why they feel they have a say.

Thank you :) I'm enjoying it a lot more now, at the beginning I was terrified of MC, then I was terrified of VB (bad medical experiences of losing control and physical problem meaning I have more chance of it going wrong). Feeling better now I have my birth plan, and sod anyone who has a problem with it!

they get no say, they are always allowed an opinion. Yes it can apply to any procedure - and it IS how the NHS works - NICE balances cost with outcome for different options all the time.

Somewhere, experts decide that, not people moaning about tax money

Lovely bit of generalisation, OP. I'm guessing you've been updating the spreadsheet with precise information about who has said what about various aspects of pregnancy and birth and performed a statistical analysis on it? Or are you not at all stalkerish, really, but are simply making an assumption?

Ourvye, what? I'm not sure I understand your post. Where have I generalised?

Honestly, I haven't met anyone who held strong opinions about my birth choices. Nor do I care what choices other women make. I do find it endlessly fascinating to hear what other women choose to share about their dicerse range of experiences.

In your assumption that the same people who are pro choice when it comes to pregnancy are, in your eyes, anti choice when it comes to birth.

And, FWIW, please don't count me in your "EVERYONE". I couldn't give a shit how you have birth, so long as it's safe.

Ourvye, I was meaning that most people appear to be pro choice, but a large number of people also seem to have an opinion on others choice of birth. Therefore, some people must be in both, logically it seems strange that they'd be pro choice in one way yet anti choice in another

give birth

And that's not everyone, then, is it?

Ourvye, you're really objecting to my title because you took it literally?

It's accepted that decisions around a woman's body are hers, and that we should respect her choice, even if we disagree with it.

Not by everyone it isn't. It's an unpalatable truth that a gestating woman doesn't necessarily have 100% perfect judgement on the best thing to do at each and every stage of pregnancy and birth. She may do - and statistically very often will do, a contributory factor in the UK's relatively low mortality rate - but not always. What people often struggle with (often under the umbrella of feminism - actually the two things are wholly unrelated In my mind) is that they jump to the conclusion that the alternative is a woman being forced into x or y intervention. Which of course isn't the only option (and should only ever happen in absolutely extreme cases, very rare, and normally court ordered with the mother's own best interests in mind).

We have all come across instances where a pregnant woman has vocalised her preference for, say, an extreme "natural" experience, eschewing any form of intervention to the point of demonising obstetrics and any type of medical assistance....only to end up having to have an emergency C Section to save either or both of mother and baby's life.

I am consistent in believing that often pregnancy and childbirth are not straightforward, and it simply isn't possible to have a blanket "hands off the mum at all times and in all circumstances" approach to things. Some pregnant women simply are ridiculously unreasonable and/or unrealistic. I keep my views to myself, but I judge.

I'm reading your original POST. Not the title.

It got to me most about what MIL said because I know if I do need to be transferred to hospital for whatever reason (and its not uncommon) She will have a total air of 'I told you so' about her and say we should of listened to her in the first place. She will make me feel like a total failure.

Tha exactly! I'm getting the same from my dad on my planned second home birth. He just refuses to believe the research on it and he and my step mother keep talking to me as though I'm stupid and don't get it.

Things could go wrong in either setting, but I bet I wouldn't be blamed if they went wrong on a hospital!!

I agree with you Op.

People are far too judgy or parenting decisions generally but it's especially ridiculous re the birth.

I know two women at least who have been made to feel almost less of a woman for having a elcs . And both were having twins!

YANBU. I agree either pp who have saud that it doesn't stop at birth choices. It's everything. Good luck with your pregnancy.