To ask why everyone is pro choice when it comes to pregnancy, but not when it comes to birth?

[LashesandLipstick]

It's considered pretty "old fashioned" and even rude to loudly proclaim you're pro life and to tell other women what they should do. It's accepted that decisions around a woman's body are hers, and that we should respect her choice, even if we disagree with it.

Why does this seem to disappear when it comes to birth? Suddenly EVERYONE has an opinion on what you want. Oh you're having an ELC? You're obviously trying to schedule your baby around your selfish lifestyle. You could at least try. You want a homebirth? Don't you know the risks? You're having an epidural? Women's bodies are designed to cope with labour pain, you're being a wimp!

I could go on. Shouldn't we be respecting women's choices on this, even if they're not a choice we personally would make? I honestly don't understand why someone else can have such a strong opinion on another woman's birth choice!

I hear you OP!

I am about to have my baby any day and for about the first 6 months of my pregnancy, I was polite and entertained the opinions of these people.

Then I realised that they were being rude and just throwing their own issues around the place and since then I have told them to mind their own business, or if they haven't got anything nice / supportive to say then they should keep their opinions to themselves.

I am also very clear that the only people I will be discussing my birth plans with are my husband and my midwife. Just in case they need clarification for the future.

I have found being a bit rude much less stressful as there is no judgement (apart from them potentially thinking I am a bit of a stroppy cow but I am fine with that) and also as these kinds of opinion are usually accompanied by some birth horror story about a "woman I know has a friend who..." - I don't want to know, thanks - what kind of person says things like this to a woman who is about to give birth?

Stick to your guns. It's your body and your baby - you decide what's best.

I hate all this judgement too OP. I would never give unsolicited advice or criticise other people's choices but got snipey remarks the first time like 'oh I had a similar situation but still managed to have a natural birth' and 'you shouldn't feel too disappointed with yourself' erm I'm trying not to but thanks! .

We want another DC at some point but DS was born by EMCS after a very traumatic labour, failed epidural and failed forceps. I really don't think I can face it all again and I am still pretty traumatised. I think that I would try to push for an ELCS next time.

I might keep our plans to ourselves as I don't want people judging or commenting with their 'helpful' advice. It's not as if we haven't already agonised over the options and spent a long time come to the right decision for us!

Purring, what I meant about the healthy baby comment was to imply that our choice shouldn't matter, what matters is that you deliver your baby in the way that is best for you.

I had a very difficult labour which has resulted in me having permanent pelvis and lower spine damage. So I went on to have a section which people feel they can comment freely on, asking personal questions or implying you just can't be bothered

But OP quite a lot of people are not pro choice In fact it's a long standing debate that gets people from both sides really really angry (which is probably why we don't discuss it so casually on a day to day basis with everyone we meet).

Just don't take any notice. I had two home births and I was told many times about how dangerous it was and people questioned what I would do if anything went wrong ect. I found out the facts for myself and did what I felt suited me best - just be strong and stick with your gut instincts of what you need.

Moomin that's how I feel, I spent ages coming to my decision and it wasn't easy. I researched it a lot, asked advice from midwives, other women who had had cesareans, women who had had natural births, and eventually came to my decision. I just wish people would respect that with regards to birth choices, most people make sure they're informed and don't need to hear others opinions!

I originally only told my mum and DP, but my partner doesn't drive (we're students) and needs to be up here for the birth so now his family know, and I had several friends ask me "oh are you going for a natural birth?" and now I wish I'd just said yes!

Also, people who have had abortions or are thinking about one don't come out and say it so there's no room for most people to say anything about it. Whereas you're freely discussing how you're going to give birth with others. You should then expect that people will have an opinion.

YABU to compare the two things. Some people believe that one involves the unnecessary killing of a baby.

But people should respect your birth choices, of course.

Viva, not everyone, however the vast majority of people seem to be or at least have the decency to keep their opinions quiet

Viva you have a point with that, even so, I think it's strange others can feel so strongly about someone else's birth...

Quite, people aren't all prochoice at all which is why abortion is a really taboo subject and out of the third of women that are meant to get an abortion in their life time I only know of a couple. People simply don't discuss it in general circles like you do a baby's birth.

You are right though, it is a real pain when people feel able to give their opinion about how you are giving birth. CS are rarely given without a medical need so I don't know why people make out it is a choice.

I an EMCS with my first and a natural birth for my second. I didn't feel like my second birth was any more of an achievement than my first. I was just happy to have 2 babies. I also was really annoyed by a midwife that tried to talk me into a home birth with my first, she kept on and on and I just said I wanted to be near a hospital in case anything went wrong (and it did so I am glad I didn't listen to her).

Penguins starts with what you can and can't eat in pg, goes on to how you want/do end up giving birth - then how you feed baby and just goes on. It does die down as the DC get older I've found and found technique of just refusing to discuses stuff with people.

It's odd - sometime I think it a need for you to do what they did to somehow validate their choice/experience - other times it's people making conversation and not engaging their brains.

Lost some word there - Penguins right as and it starts ...

DoJo, some relatives and some acquaintances.

Well, relatives I suppose might be unavoidable, but you are not obliged to share details of your birth plan with acquaintances, so I would just stop telling people your plans if you are fed up with hearing their reactions. I don't think I really shared my birth plans with anyone beyond 'I'm hopingl end up with a baby when it's all over' and if anyone pressed me then I reminded them that they were basically asking me about my vagina, which seemed to shut them up!

DoJo, I was asked, but reminding people they are asking about my vagina is a pretty good response It's the same question as "was the pregnancy planned?" really it's like that's not an appropriate question AT ALL

"It's accepted that decisions around a woman's body are hers, and that we should respect her choice, even if we disagree with it." That is far from true with regards abortion. women's rights are being eroded all the time on that front. Look what is happening in America. And it is coming over here. NI doesn't respect women's right to choose. Many countries don't respect women's right to choose.

Women's choices are never respected. There are always caveats. There are always challenges to that. Nadine Dorries, anyone? Even what we have in the UK is subject to two doctors agreeing for a woman to have an abortion. We don't have abortion to full term. So it isn't anything to do with respecting women's choices. Women aren't trusted to make those choices. Just as they aren't trusted to make choices about their pregnancy, birth, parenting.

I agree OP. You are judged for all of your choices...I was treated appallingly in the shite hospital I gave birth in, and my experiences there have convinced me that next time I want to give birth at home...when I told my mum this, she looked at me like I had just pissed on her shoes, and proceeded to tell me that a hospital is the best place and I might die giving birth at home...Yeah. Cheers for the support mum!
You do whatever feel right for you and your baby For example, I have been told by my health visitor that I should make every bottle up from scratch at every feed, my baby should be sleeping on her back, in her cot, and that because I carry her in a sling, I will make her clingy...Well guess what?! I make up 5 or 6 bottles in the morning and use them for day time feeds, DD sleeps on her tummy (refuses to sleep on her back!), more often than not she ends up in bed with us for a few hours early in the mornings, and she loves being in the sling...she's fine. Don't let anyone tell you that you are doing something wrong if it works for you and your baby, and you are happy your baby is safe
And as for the birth thing?! It's your body going through it, so screw anyone else's opinion, you do it your way! When the time comes, it's incredible how much primitive instinct just washes over you, and you just do what your body is telling you...as long as your baby arrives in the world safe and sound, who really cares?? I know I didn't...and my entire birth plan went down the shit pan!!

I'm pro life so this doesn't apply to me.

What relevance does that have Burke really? That is you're pro forced birth that you have a right to comment on women's birthing choices? Keep your nose out of other people's foofs.

Actually madcapped it posted before I could finish. I'm pro life but when it comes to birthing choices I do keep my nose out as it's not my business. I'm glad that we are in agreement.

Issues and choices about pregnancy and birth bring out the hidden misogynistic attitudes a lot of people don't appear to realise they have.

I guess if you are paying for it privately no one else gets an opinion, if you are being treated on the NHS with the differing costs of each option, then why can't people have an opinion, they are not forcing you to agree with them, merely having an opinion on how some of their tax money is spent...

Manic I'm not quite sure I follow?

I was recently told to have a natural birth as it's amazing and empowered her etc etc.

I had a fucking horrendous birth with dd1 and just want to get through it for dd2. I want to tell this woman that l just want to survive. But no, she had an air of I'm a great mum because l had no drugs.

A really tiny nasty part of me wants to say no, a good mum wouldn't chose two dead-beat men to have dc with. But l know that is massively me being unreasonable

It is astounding that people think they are entitled to an opinion, untrained and unaware of the full facts! I think that as the person giving birth, it should be accepted that you have a vested interest in it going well, so as long as your choices are informed ones, they should be respected.

I love the advice about mothers always being in the wrong! I've found that people will and do judge, but occasionally, you get a gem about how you're doing a great job/your kids are well behaved/happy and that's what's worth holding on to.
Happy baby making and delivering!!