To wonder why 20 something men seem to have a lax attitude to contraception?

[QuantumErica]

e.g "condoms unnecessary " etc

LadyCuntington

A man who would actually say "Sniffing a rose in a gas mask" surely needs no other form of contraception?

knowsaymuhfuh

I think it's the subconscious/animal urge to procreate, and women do it, too."

That's interesting.
I think it's Hollywood/romantic/porn ideas of sex where men have a laser guided penis, there is no wet patch and no one says 'just a minute..."

Natural method isnt the guy uselessly promising to not let any sperm escape him.

Pagwatch works for me!

@Pag - it seems to me from the way people self-sabotage sometimes when it comes to contraception, that the imperative can be quite wily when it wants to.

Yes Pagwatch - I see what you mean - I did ask him to use a condom - he refused and promised that 'holding back' was the method he would rely on.

And Momagain1 - yes he promised 'not to let any sperm escape him' as you say, rather than 'pulling out' - I see the difference.

Yeah from my experience they're not too fussed, actually, this is embarassing but before i had DS i had literally only ever used a condom with a guy once, and that was when i was 16. I'm actually amazed i didn't get pregnant until i was 21 and i was really suprised id ended up pregnant, even though i know full well that i could have got pregnant/diseased i just had a really dumb mind set where id figured it hadn't happened yet so will probably be fine. I imagine that's what these guys are thinking, just a kind of dumb feeling that you're invincible and bad things only happen to other people and theyve got away with it so far so itll probs be fine kind of thing

I think as men in their 20s didn't live through the AIDS campaigns, and AIDS is not as feared now, most other STDs are seen as curable or not a big deal by men, and men can't get pregnant, the motivation is just not there....whereas worst case for women is risk ending up with a baby chasing the guy for maintenance, have an abortion, or get pelvic inflammatory disease from untreated chlanydia and become infertile- much more motivation!

@idoki - that sounds like potentially quite a lot of unprotected sex, which is fun and all but did you have your state of health checked?

You need to up your standards!!

idoki - sounds as though you and I dated men with the same kind of attitudes! Men can't understand how sick etc we feel when we're pregnant - if these symptoms happened to them they'd always be careful!

And from what people have said, the AIDS Campaigns of the 80s sounded v successful - but they were before the time of men who are now 20 something.

Knowsay- it wasn't loads, but I have had checks etc and am lucky everythkngs always been all clear. I know how dumb I was believe me, there's just something about being young and stupid that makes you assume there's never any consequences
For me, its the fact that i have to deal with a douche bag ex for the rest of my life

I think as men in their 20s didn't live through the AIDS campaigns, and AIDS is not as feared now, most other STDs are seen as curable or not a big deal This in a nutshell happygirl

I grew up in the 80s and remember being terrified by the adverts that said IF YOU DON'T USE CONDOMS YOU WILL DIE, FACT. It's never entered my mind to not use a condom because I grew up thinking that that's just what people did when they had sex.

I think taking this a step further, me and my friends are all massive drinkers having also been the alcopop, cheap shots and 50p pints generation. I've noticed that my friends who are 10 ish years younger than me who grew up with anti binge drinking, the actual enforcement of underage drinking (pratically unheard of to get ID'd when I was a teenager) and minimum pricing for alcohol campaigns drink far less than my friends in our 30s but their attitude to safe sex is far more lax than ours.

Natural method isnt the guy uselessly promising to not let any sperm escape him.

Which is about as possible as a woman saying, "it's OK I haven't let an ovum out of my ovary yet"

On a related note I showed some students a film from You tube - it is just news reports over 10 years related to AIDS/HIV starting before it the name (GRID, HLLV, 4h) up to about 1990.

I was only going to show a clip but we ended up watching the entire hour (possibly longer), them in stunned silence.

One unit they have to look at health campaigns and then produce their own, I always tell them to look at HIV/AIDS for behaviour change.

Iv had long term relation ship with two men in their early 30''s both were lax with condoms.
one has four known kids to 4 different woman.I'm one of them.

2nd one I was all coiled up but before I got it I got told he "probably couldn't have kids anyway" as he has none so far.
and condom was either tossed to the side or an afterthought.

Woman are responsible for their own bodies, when you have sex it is a mutual agreement and you both know the risks.
It is not the man's fault he didn't use a condom and you got an STD or pfb
or your fault you are pregnant with his dc.

I agree with the I'm young and free and it won't happen to me until it happens mentality.
Probably more men are lax than woman only because they don't have to deal with or consider growing a baby.

I definitely agree AlwaysAFool that if men had to grow babies inside them - they would in no doubt use a condom!

It is a myth that withdrawal/coitus interruptus is only just better than nothing. It is actually almost as effective as condoms.

I wouldn't rely on it unless it wasn't a problem getting pregnant, but it really is far better than most people think.

www.guttmacher.org/pubs/journals/reprints/Contraception79-407-410.pdf

If the male partner withdraws before ejaculation every time a couple has vaginal intercourse, about 4% of couples will become pregnant over the course of a year. However, more realistic estimates of typical use indicate that about 18% of couples will become pregnant in a year using withdrawal. These rates are only slightly less effective than male condoms, which have perfect- and typical-use failure rates of 2% and 17%, respectively.

Maybe worth pointing out how much men in their 20s will have been having 'anti HIS stigma'. My experience is mixed, but it's always me who raises it but some don't mind. I know some of it is the assumption you're on the pill.

I know of a 59 year old man who once asked if condoms were necessary. He should remember that campaign. I doubt he was living under a rock in the 80s.

I think attitudes towards contraception are the same as they ever were - "it won't happen to me" - I went on the pill at 17 with my then boyfriend and when we broke up I continued on the pill. Everyone I slept with after that just trusted me when I said "I'm on the pill". It never occurred to them that I could be lying. It never occurred to me that they could have an STI even though I'm a smart educated woman. I was preventing against an unwanted pregnancy and to me that was my main focus.

I now have two small boys (young so I don't have to worry about this for a good few years!) but I will bring them up with the fear of God in them about using protection and not trusting anyone who says "I'm on the pill" unless they're in a committed relationship.

20 something women do too, not just men. 15-24's have the highest rates of STI transmission out of all the age groups. We've become complacent about STI's, they're not necessarily death sentences any more if diagnosed and treated, but some of them are sure as hell life changing.

I don't think it's just men, I think thousands of people in this country are happy to dice with contraception if they use it at all. We have so let go of the idea of responsibility over the years, sad really

Most men I have slept with have not initiated condom use and some have tried to put it in without a condom without even asking if it was ok
The ages range from 20s to 40s and in fact the 40 pluses have been the worst I think because their erections are not as strong and seemed to wilt when the condom was put on.