To wonder why 20 something men seem to have a lax attitude to contraception?

[QuantumErica]

e.g "condoms unnecessary " etc

TattyDevine - my ex also wouldn't wear a condom so I can relate to your experience with your friend. Sorry to hear he was 'caught out'. Life is so unfair at times.

I guess it's part to o with the hiv scare which the people in their 30s have been taught about with scary graphic pictures of benetton ads
people in their 20s not as much.

Yes you're right keeptothewhiteline. I admit I did ask him to wear one - he refused and promised to be 'careful'.

To answer your OP question - porn and poor sex education.

(Ps You can still conceive before ejaculation. )

Yes mous mous - think your right about HIV scare

So he refused- maybe you should have refused too.

But OP, it doesn't matter if they don't ejaculate inside- there can be sperm in the pre-cum, it only takes 1. Proper condom use means putting it on as soon as he is hard.

I don't think you can make such a generalisation tbh.

And the slight air of contempt/ridicule at the protestations by ex boyfriends saying they could 'hold back' is negated by your proceeding to have sex with them.
If it was ridiculous for them to say it, it was at least as lax for you to go along with it.

Yes I should've refused - just I know some people who've used natural methods effectively and at the time gave him the benefit of the doubt.

Or say* they've used natural effectively

And yes avocadotoast I probably was generalising. I'm glad other people have had better experiences.

Oh Erica.

Who are these people who used natural effectively?

Girl from Catholic family, as it happens - she was one of 5

I know both partners should be equally responsible for contraception BUT a resulting pregnancy usually impacts the woman more than the man, so women really need to empower themselves and be in control of whether they conceive or not.

But -and I'm sorry I'm not trying to be rude - you and he both used a risky/ ineffective 'method'.

You are kind of implying that he was stupid, lax and manipulative whilst you were too trusting and tricked.

The reality is you were both just foolish. But he is not more responsible that you. Why is it more his fault (and now something 20 plus males all do recklessly) when you both made exactly the same choice. Why is he Machiavellian and you the innocent, duped victim?

Do you see what I mean?

quantum thanks, I think I do, ds1 laid them out on the table and snapchatted a pic to his mates saying 'this is what my DM thinks I am going to be doing on my hols' yup ... and judging from the gossip I think I was right!

I was religious using a condom in my 20s (only on a Sunday ) - but then I became sexually active just as the AIDS campaign (which has been hailed as one of the worlds most effective, despite Mrs Thatchers opposition) was getting into full swing. It was like a dam had burst, and all of a sudden this word "condom" which previously had been almost exclusively the preserve of playground giggles; was now on national TV. Every night.

Sadly it seems (like drink driving) that these campaigns are generational, and once one generation learns, people think there's no point anymore, and the next generation grow up freshly ignorant . Probably with some bean counter crossing the "public education" line off a budget muttering "AIDs awareness ? Doesn't everyone already know ?"

So it's not surprising that 20 year olds haven't got the same understanding .

I don't think age matters in this situation. I've heard excuses like "it's like sniffing rose in a gas mask"
And they mostly have been said by men in their 30s.

Like Lurking said I think it's generational. Our generation don't have the "fear" of the aids crisis to scare them. However it's all smoke and mirrors as HIV rates are climbing (probably because of lax use of condoms) so the fear should absolutely be there, it just isn't. When people talk about safe sex often pregnancy is the only negative outcome mentioned. Little emphasis is placed on sexually transmitted diseases, how they contribute to infertility, or worse.

When my brother was in his 20s (not yesterday) i was in my early teens. His attitude was that since he wasn't the one who got pregnant, it wasn't his worry. He also thought that he wouldn't catch any STDs because he was superior to everyone he knew. He was most pissed off when the gf who became wife no2 refused to sleep with him unless he had a condom, as she wasn't on the pill at the time. He certainly taught me a few things that i don't think he intended to!

The majority of men I've been with have been dreadfully lax about it, always had to be brought up by me and often met with disappointment that I had.

I am mid thirties and whenever I have dated this has been my experience (generally 20-30 yr old men). Pretty much all of them assumed I was on the pill and would have been happy to not use a condom without even asking.

As a result I have no sympathy for men who are 'caught out' unless they were actually lied to. If they merely 'assumed' the woman was on contraception then it was a risk they were knowingly taking.

The guy who didn't act like this is the one I'm still with, incidentally.

reading with interest. DP and I were pretty drunk 20 somethings the first time we ever slept together (the British way) and didn't use contraception.

we were careful thereafter, but four weeks later we found out I was pregnant with DS. our relationship was very new.

I would never change our lives now, we are a ver contented family, but I hope I will instil a sensible attitude to contraception in DS. it could have been so different for us.

'Natural methods' is about more than just pulling out, though. That's not reliable at all. All you can say about pulling out is that it's better than nothing, but that's about it. Proper NFP involves charting, sometimes temperature taking and mucus checking, it's quite labour intensive in fact. The FPA says it's comparably effective to condoms.

www.fpa.org.uk/sites/default/files/your-contraceptive-choices.pdf

This is if both are used correctly, of course, and I reckon these are two forms of contraception that often aren't! Having sex with someone who says they'll pull out, without you knowing whether you're fertile at all at that point, seems like the NFP equivalent of bunging a condom on just before the end and hoping for the best.

I agree with pp about giving teenagers loads of condoms. I did this for my younger brother when he was about 15, got a job lot from the family planning clinic and told him he'd best use them if he didn't want cock rot. My mother pretended not to know but was secretly pleased with me.

When my OH and I started sleeping together we had never had the contraception talk. I had the coil fitted and we were together and exclusive... It wasn't until we were in bed 2 weeks later he asked me if I was on the pill.

I said no and he almost fainted. Men are careless in their 40s too! He was 43 at the time

I think it's the subconscious/animal urge to procreate, and women do it, too.