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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think that if a friend brings round a bottle if you're cooking them supper it should be more than a third full!

45 replies

PoppyField · 17/06/2015 23:56

That's it. Had an old friend, whom I see regularly, round the other night. It was raining and she was on the doorstep all wet, so I ushered her in. She handed me a bottle of wine in the process and while she dried herself off, I shoved it in the fridge, thinking it felt warm and we could drink the wine I already had chilled. We had a nice dinner and drank the cold bottle with the food.

The next night I fancied a glass of wine and went to fish hers out of the fridge, and, I shit you not, it had 275ml (I know, I had to measure it, for the full excitement of this) of wine in it.

I was somewhat gobsmacked. I mean, who does this? Tight yes, but why bring anything round at all, it's kind of worse than nothing!

p.s. I'm seeing her this w/e and am thinking of concocting a little story. Something along the lines of 'Oh that bottle of wine you brought the other night must have been slightly open and must have leaked in the fridge, as there was only a bit left in the bottom when I went to open it the day after. I was so disappointed!'

Any other ideas welcome...

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 18/06/2015 18:52

She's a repeat offender So yeah, pull her up on it.

KiteKit · 18/06/2015 18:59

I would be a bit about that too but not sure how I would handle it really.

Years ago dh invited a friend of his and the friend's girlfriend round for dinner. I cooked a very nice meal with a dessert etc. As they walked into the house he handed me an open packet of biscuits and said 'oh we bought you these but ate some on the way'. I dutifully put them on the table when I was serving my home made dessert and of course no one touched the biscuits. They went straight into the bin as soon as they left. Oddly I felt more insulted that they felt it was ok to still give them after they had been pawing them in the car than if they had arrived empty handed. It was NOT down to money either. Just a lack of awareness I think.

Fromparistoberlin73 · 18/06/2015 19:01

Yabu

She is an old friend - so fucking what she bought what she had ?

spanakopita · 18/06/2015 19:06

I did the same once by mistake with a bottle of Irish Cream, it was the host's favourite. In my haste I had picked up a bottle that had already been opened without realising. I was mortified

velourvoyageur · 18/06/2015 19:08

Haha! bless her. Is she the scatterbrained type?

at a house party we once had a guest ask to retrieve their beers from the fridge before she went home. So a) she wanted to reclaim HER property and b) she was keeping tracks on how many of HER beers were being consumed. My housemate couldn't get over the stingyness, her face omg, loved her reaction, which was very unmoderated and unBritish. I found it hilarious. It was two little bottles. In fact I'm grinning now thinking about it.
Maybe it's common practice though? It's one of those things that's not objectively terrible but it's terrible if you're not used to it....

MrMcGintysGoat · 18/06/2015 19:10

Ahhh, but what sort of wine was it?
It could have been a really expensive one!

Wouldn't bother me, but when I invite people round, it's for their company.

Ethylred · 18/06/2015 19:37

MrMcGG raises an important point.

Also, how good was the dinner? Do you have form for some spaghetti horror or other?

Original poster

PoppyField · 18/06/2015 19:43

MrMcGinty truly you are a better person than wot I am.

CakeLady - I've had years of this, and have decided that it is not a dealbreaker on our friendship, doesn't mean to say I can't have a good whinge about it when she does it.

Maybe it's a cultural thing i.e. how you're brought up. My mum's from an Irish background and would never turn up 'with long arm as long as the other' as the saying goes. And she usually sends people home with food. I have inherited this so, for me, people turning up at my door with nowt or nearly nowt is noticeable, or a bit shocking in fact. I understand however that not everyone is as adorable as moi though.

OP posts:

MrMcGintysGoat · 18/06/2015 19:55

I would always take something to a hosts house, but just don't judge if they don't reciprocate, and certainly wouldn't be a bit shocked lol.

If you've had years of it, you are either:-

(A) obviously prepared to overlook it, as you are happy to cherish her as your friend.

(B) A tightwad

(C). A martyr

mileend2bermondsey · 18/06/2015 20:03

people turning up at my door with nowt or nearly nowt is noticeable, or a bit shocking in fact. I understand however that not everyone is as adorable as moi though
Perhaps you should let your 'friends' know what you expect from them and that you will be judging them and calling them cheap accordingly.
It wasnt a dinner party, it was just a friend popping round for supper. Honestly OP you sound quite nasty.

Melonfool · 18/06/2015 20:13

I always take something, but people often don't and it doesn't bother me.

I would find an opened bottle of wine odd, but would assume they grabbed it from the fridge in their way out the door (which is what I do as I leave) and didn't notice it wasn't full. [unless someone else in the house drank some?]

Conversely, a guy I dated for a while, on about our third date, turned up to dinner with me [just me] with three bottles of wine. Three!. I can imagine bringing two - one red, one white, and saying 'did't know which to bring so brought both' and I have taken two when I know there are a few people going to be there. But three bottles, the same, for two people?

Was soon explained when he told me they were on 3 for 2 in Tesco. That came across as pretty odd too. I may have bought them on 3 for 2 but left two in the car.

Dp's sister never offers us a drink when we go there so now I take a bottle or two of wine (we always stay, too far to just visit for dinner, she doesn't cook anyway. She's never brought anything when she's come to stay with us) an open them when I want to, I offer them some but they never want any - so I also take any leftovers away with me. I never used to but it got on my nerves that I took wine to offer them as a house gift and it was shoved in a cupboard and never opened and I knew they wouldn't drink it either. Now I take flowers for them and the wine is for me!

Original poster

PoppyField · 18/06/2015 21:01

It's true mileend. I am a wee bit nasty.

OP posts:

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 19/06/2015 00:30

You should have put LIGHTHEARTED MOAN in the thread title poppy Tut tut!

TheHumourlessHarpy · 19/06/2015 00:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

CrystalSkull · 19/06/2015 01:15

I'm also surprised you didn't notice the (lack of) weight, even though you had your hands full. My guess is that someone drank it - either your guest or someone in the house. Does anyone fit that bill?

FeijoaSundae · 19/06/2015 01:24

Bahaha, YA sooo NBU. That is tight.

When I invite people around it's for the company (of course it is!), but I would judge, and judge harshly, if this happened.

Nobody I've ever invited has done this though, it's clearly bad form!

drspouse · 19/06/2015 02:28

I went to book group the other day and it is always cake wars and I'm trying not to overindulge so didn't take any (usually I do and it didn't stop me but hat's another story).

The friend who gave me a lift had a packet of biscuits to take with her and went to get them out of the car but realised her DCs had been at the packet - only 1 or 2 missing but she was mortified and left them in the car (have totally outed myself now, hello friend!)

(There was as usual mountains of food at the group so nobody even noticed that neither of us took anything).

Catsize · 19/06/2015 08:04

Reminds me of the time my OH took some chocolates round to her friend's house for a party but ate her favourite ones first. It was confessed and laughed off. She's generous in spirit and it was just very 'her'.
I have taken part-opened bottles round to good friends' houses before now if it is an informal impromptu thing. Usually take full though. Or both.

Original poster

PoppyField · 19/06/2015 17:47

Thank You feijoa I love you!

OP posts:

cardibach · 19/06/2015 18:21

I'd have noticed on the night. But only because I would have opened the friend's bottle as well as a new one!

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