to not want to pay £100 to guarantee that our kids can sit next to us on the plane

[mumsnit]

DH wants us to pay £25 each to guarantee that we can all get seats together when we go on holiday next month. Aibu to think it's a ridiculous cost to pay out

But I have heard that one airline refused to seat a family together as they hadn't paid the premium and tried to seat a 3 year old alone on the other side of the plane from the parents. We don't go on holiday very often - especially abroad and I'm already nervous about flying so don't want this added to the stress of travelling.

WWYD/WDYD - do you pay the extra cost?

I have seen far too many threads on here, and on FB, where the parents of children with ADHD have been told by strangers (and sometimes relatives) that their child is 'just naughty' and 'just needs a good smack', Ruperta - it is an unpalatable fact, but still a fact, that there are far too many people in the world who do look at a child with ADHD and catagorise them as naughty.

All elderflowerlemonade has done is to state a fact - she is not responsible for creating that attitude, nor does she share it - but it does exist - no-one can deny that - so why is she getting such a flaming for suggesting that another poster takes steps that can help mitigate that problem for herself and her child?

Tbh, I think you have been breathtakingly rude to her.

Yep what STDG said

Thank you for your support Ruperta - as you said DS2 has an official diagnosis, is under CAMHS, etc etc.

Just for info for others who might be interestedit isn't that easy to get to that point in the UK, btw. You have to go through the 'bad parent' test when you finally get to the top of a lengthy CAMHS waiting list, and then undergo lots of assessment.

However, I don't tick the 'disabled' box on forms for DS2 because I don't think he is 'disabled'. On a plane though, his additional needs would be quite significant and apparent.

elderflowerlemonade while I agree DLA can act as an 'entry' to other things, it isn't relevant to school. It is for the additional costs that having someone with additional needs costs. The schooling thing is entirely separate, and another battle, hence my lack of energy for the DLA fight at the moment. This is a scenario where your little experience and knowledge is a dangerous (and unhelpful) thing.

God knows, how do you hide threads?

I've been trying not to look but been aghast at people's responses (particularly on mumsnet!). Really didn't think so many people pay for their seats, I've def paid now that I realise what people are like - 1st thing I did this morning.

Probably time for a break from mumsnet really.

Out of interest, what do people get if the have pre-paid for their seats but move to accommodate someone who hasn't? Do they get a refund? Or freebies from the airline? Or just a grateful grin?

Because I'm wondering, if the airlines generally compensate someone for moving, they lose the extra income anyway and it seems a lot of fuss. Maybe all airlines should just increase their base fee and make it simpler?

Thank you, fastday and Stg - I really am grateful it is not just me who thinks so.

BarbarianMum pointed out the holiday itself was a luxury. fastdaytears said there may be issues over whether or not ADHD was a disability. I said you would need to pay to sit with someone who needed it (my understanding from someone who posted earlier in the thread with a disabled son.)

Yet I 'lack empathy' and am 'sarcastic' (I'm not; just baffled!) am 'trolling' and been told to 'shut up!'

Wtf!?

A lot of posters, the ones that expect other people to move in order for a child over 2 to be seated next to an adult they are travelling with, don't seem to grasp that there is probably a good reason why someone won't move. The reason will mostly not because they are selfish or rude, it'll be a genuine reason, and if they have paid for a specific seat then there will also be a reason for that payment.

I'm pretty certain that if the person sat next to your child over 2 is travelling alone and didn't pay for a specific seat that they will move, but what you need to understand is there is no guarantee that the person sat next to you or or child is going to be a person travelling alone and hasn't paid the extra fee.

Also what ARE the chances of a group of people travelling not being seated together or close together (across the aisle)? You'd need to be in the latter period of checking in to get this surely? I've already said it that airlines aren't going to separate you on purpose, only if the only seats left are separate.

Interesting discussion. Why don't parents who don't want to pay in advance take along in cash the allocation fee to offer if no one is willing to swap seats?

This way they would only need to pay for one seat, and be able to compensate the passenger who had paid so that they don't lose out.

It might not be necessary as you would get some people swapping anyway, but would be a great salve to those who had paid for their seat.

Wibblypig Re the ascertion made earlier that parents book separate cabins for themselves and their children. Yes, I've seen this ruse many times. Every single parent was invited to downgrade and sit in Economy with their children, or could have paid for business class seats for their children (no First for under 12s). The cabin crew can't and won't just look after unaccompanied children, or children in separate cabins from their parents. It just doesn't happen. Children who fly minus their parents can be looked after by the unaccompanied minors service, but at a fee.

It is perfectly acceptable for well-behaved children to be sat in a different cabin. My own 7 year old sat in Club recently while the rest of us sat (spread around the cabin) in Economy. This is the way things are when you are an airline employee and travelling on your standby tickets - you fit in around the people who have paid more than you. At no point was I asked to pay to have my child looked after as an unaccompanied minor, as she wasn't unaccompanied - she was with me, it was just that I wasn't sitting beside her. Let's not get too hung up on what constitutes a different cabin. It is just a part of the aircraft which has different sized seats and a different service separated from the other cabin usually by a curtain. You can be one row apart and in different cabins.

Anyway. Children booked into different cabins is not a frequent thing, but it does happen. I know you worked for BA - here's a thing, so do I. And I am in charge of the aeroplane so I generally have a vague idea of what is going on back there. Having said that, reading threads like this I am rather glad I am locked into my little box. Something about flying seems to cause most people to lose their marbles!

I can't believe people are supporting the airlines by agreeing that it's okay to not automatically guarantee that a parent sits with their toddler / young child/ren.

Would anyone expect to book a parent & child onto a train and have the baby in one carriage and the adult in another?

It's bloody ludicrous. Totally, totally different situation to paying extra for a desired seat / location.

Up to a certain age, responsible adult should be seated with the child(ren) in their party. Complete no brainer.

elderflowerlemonade I was going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume your comments were just a little misjudged or ill informed.

However, you highlighting that (someone else said = deflecting the responsibility) there may be issues about whether adhd is a disability is quite telling.

I think if you are feeling all got at on here, you should walk a few miles in other peoples' shoes in real life.

I believe ADHD is a disability. Absolutely I do. Hence why I urged the poster to claim DLA.

Bollocks you wanted to 'give me the benefit of the doubt.' You wanted to be rude and unpleasant - as much as possible.

My comments are neither misjudged or misinformed. The only one I did misjudge was over the diagnosis.

What Wixing said.

People who have paid the extra have a reason for doing so and that reason - for them - is important enough for them to part with cold hard cash to guarantee their seat.

It might be a medical reason - disability, medication, allergy, special needs, flying phobia.

It might be a social reason - honeymoon, first flight, one of them is very ill so likely to be last flight

Or it might be a "because I sodding want to" reason. And that is ok to.

As I said - the reason is important to the person who paid the money and so it is important.

And should people be forced to list their ailments - some of which could be very very personal (I knew a lad in his 20s who looked like a rugby player but had a severe bowel problem which occasionally meant he needed helping to the toilet very very quickly or he risked soiling himself) - so that Mummy-of-the-year can judge whether or not she finds it good enough.

I actually like the current system. Nice cheap flights that dh and I took full advantage of in our child free years when we didn't care where we sat, now we have kids and do care where we sit we can pay to ensure we get that rather than having to check in 5 hours before take off, and I'm already looking forward to the lovely cheap flights we'll be able to get again in 5 years or so when my youngest is old enough that I'd be comfortable on a short flight that if I'm 5 rows away that as long as he has a lot of technology he'll be fine.

We are with jet2 and because we are travelling with an infant less than 2 years old we weren't allowed to do online booking. I was a bit annoyed that they separated us. I got the 20month old on my lap squeezed next to strangers and DH got the 3 year old who was easy and had his own seat. My 20year old would go ballistic if she knew I was in another seat so no swapping on the way home.

I know it's extra cost, but once we leave the house we're on holiday together and part of that includes sitting on the plane. Also, I wouldn't want the risk of my DD being sat on her own say three rows behind.

Last time we flew (a while ago) a group in front of us hadn't booked seats and they were told as many seats were pre-booked they'd have to be spaced out, and not close to eachother.

I am genuinely surprised at the number of people who pre book seats!!! I wouldn't expect another parent to move for me, or if someone said " no I'm sorry I have a disability" or " I'm a terrible flyer" fair dos. But as I have never booked a seat when not traveling with children I didn't fathom that I would be asking someone who had booked a seat as assumed most people didn't. I stand corrected. But as I would never book my seat when traveling alone or with my ( we can stand to sit appart for a few hours!!) partner I stand by happily giving up my seat to someone who needs it more.

I don't pay for my seat but absolutely would Not swap seats.

Mind you I am a PILOT

Depends how anxious you are about it. I have never paid and never been split up. When my children were younger I just thought an airline would have to be nuts to split us up and had never crossed my mind that there would be people who wouldn't be willing to swap. I would 100% always move seats, I would really not want to sit next to an abandoned toddler.

The last flight we were on the was a 7yo on his own on our row. He and DS2 got on like a house on fire and giggled away the entire flight.

But if you are worrying about it then just pay up.

Open ADHD is a recognised disability under the Equality Act 2010 so the bottom should be ticked when you book.

I think elderflower has been subjected to breathtaking rudeness on her from Ruperta quite frankly.

Thanks ils

The form should be ticked

On here

Apologies for typos.

elderflowerlemonade Sorry, your words just don't match the sentiment that is coming across.

Also, just because one poster 'with a disabled son' is prepared to pay for seats doesn't justify that 'if you need you pay'. Some people are more able to pay than others, some people have different needs - not all people with disabilities have the same needs. Sigh.

Honestly, you keep claiming you are not being nasty, but the meaning behind your words is suggestive of someone who doesn't actually give a poo about disabilities like adhd, or understand what it is like to struggle with things that many others take for granted.

WRT to disabilities, airlines have a special assistance number. It's on all their websites and they advise you to ring it, to make sure you can be accommodated before you book and pay for your flight.

Most of them will sit the disabled person and 1 other party member together free of charge. However this is not always the case any more because non-disabled people have started to exploit this. Some airlines are starting to ask for proof of the disability too, now.

No problem elderflower if I managed to point out that the child had medication and therefore a diagnosis and remain within the Talk Guidelines Ruperta could also manage to keep a civil tongue in her head.

I read elderflower's comment as it is good to have the DLA to refute ignorant judging, not that it was acceptable to judge.