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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Facebook 'couples'

79 replies

Lolimax · 16/06/2015 22:11

A few friends of mine on Facebook have become couples- ie instead of Jane Smith they've either become Jane and John Smith if married or Jane Smith and Harry Whatever if not. And it really annoys me. Firstly because I don't actually know who is writing especially if I don't know the other half and it also worries me about a huge lack of trust. Aibu?

OP posts:
owlborn · 16/06/2015 22:51

My dad and stepmother share a FB account and e mail address.

They are older people who don't use the internet much and use it strictly for practical things - I think they use it to see pics of their grandchildren when they go up on FB and their e mail is very brisk - not chatty or personal, more 'we will be visiting next week'. So they don't really see the point of having multiple logins or anything. It just saves one showing the other things.

Seems to make sense to me. If I have something private to say to one of them, I phone.

CrystalHaze · 16/06/2015 22:51

"Hello thank you for trying to add me, unfortunately my mummy only lets close friends and family members be my friend on facebook as I don't know how to read yet!"

Shock Shock Shock Shock Shock

I hope you unfriended the mother!

ollieplimsoles · 16/06/2015 22:53

I slapped my hand so hard against my forehead it nearly went through my skull...

Professionally the mother is great, but this baby profile is ridic..

SistersofPercy · 16/06/2015 23:01

See I don't think the baby profile is a bad idea either. I've got friends who post every time the baby farts (thank the Lord for the unfollow button) so to keep all that to a profile where is only seen by very close friends and family who want to see it, I think, is a good idea.
I guess she's realised that repetative baby updates bore most people and doesn't want to share pics of her pfb with some oddball she went to school with so this is her solution.

Not everyone realises you can now tailor posts to certain audiences.

Gabilan · 16/06/2015 23:01

One friend of mine uses her husband's FB because she's a teacher and if she has one in her own name she risks all sorts of shite from students. I don't put anything personal or sensitive on FB so have no problem with this. And one older couple I know just have an account in his name because she worries about computers and the internet but wants to keep in touch with friends. It's sometimes about control but other times really not.

Joint email accounts likewise. One friend of mine, as it turned out, her husband is a bastard control freak who has rather successfully isolated her but presumably sometimes it's just convenient!

lampygirl · 16/06/2015 23:01

having 'yummymummy' or 'proudmummy' or 'mummytoXYZ' or 'soontobe[newmarriedname]' , or anything similaras middle names on facebook is an instant unfriend.

I do sometimes think I should have a profile for my dog though, I like posting pics of her doing funny things, and a seperate profile would give people the opportunity to keep in contact with me without having to see my lovely slobbery,stinking hound's life story. I like seeing the odd cute baby photo, but for cringey statuses like the above, I think I'd prefer the option for it to be a seperate profile I could ignore.

m0therofdragons · 16/06/2015 23:10

My auntie does this because she is a head teacher and doesn't want parents and kids to find her. She finishes her comments with her first initial so you know it's from her. Why would that bother me?

A friend also has a page for her baby. It's for family and friends to see updates relating to her baby who has had 6 brain operations in her first year and many trips in helicopters being airlifted to where specialist consultants are. She doesn't want to go into detail for everyone on her fb feed so set up a separate page specifically for everyone to keep up to date with baby's progress.

People are very easily offended. It's fb. people do what works for them.

corgiology · 16/06/2015 23:11

The proudmummy middle name goes right through me.

CrystalHaze · 16/06/2015 23:17

'The proudmummy middle name goes right through me.'

Be fair. It's handy that these people kindly differentiate themselves from the rest of us, who are not proud and could not give a shit about our kids.

MrsMook · 16/06/2015 23:40

The joint couple thing bugs me. I've got a school friend that does it. I live in different area, but we see eachother sporadically and I want to remain in contact, but I don't know her husband so well and it does intrude on the way I interact with her. I can tell when he's blathering about sport, but some topics could be either of them and not knowing who I'd be responding to puts me off.

My friend had a separate baby profile that was kept much more secure than hers which was more open for professional reasons. Seems sensible enough to me.

DoJo · 17/06/2015 00:19

Being so codependent that you would never want to share your own thoughts or opinions. Not an individual, just half of a couple.

That's a really odd interpretation of what I said - it is really depressing that you would assume someone relies on having their own Facebook account to be able to express their thoughts and opinions, rather than using it occasionally as a communications tool!

For some it's a way to look at photos of the family and make occasional arrangements for joint events - sharing an account for that doesn't make a couple co-dependent unless you believe that Facebook plays a significant roles in everybody's lives.

sykadelic · 17/06/2015 02:27

Yeah it's odd and shows a lack of trust and co-dependency. Having EXACTLY the same friends and family (as someone said above) is a little sad really... to have no individuality or independence.

In none of the examples that people have provided has it been necessary for people to "share" an account.

  • Grandparents: one can get an account or neither
  • Computer illiterate: one can get an account or neither
  • Teachers/professional: use your maiden name or a nickname for your first name

These random accounts (shared, pets, babies, inanimate objects) aren't actually allowed by FB and will eventually be shut down. If you want a random account (such as baby/animal/product updates) then make a FB page. Easy peasy. You still have friend control, you can make it so no-one can even see it unless they're in the group.

Hygellig · 17/06/2015 09:38

I've only seen this on groups but it did strike me as a bit odd. Why not each have their own personal account? Perhaps it is to save them constantly tagging each other?

AlpacaMyBags · 17/06/2015 09:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pagwatch · 17/06/2015 09:45

I can't set up an account t for my dogs because their updates would be
Went for a walk
Had a big shit
Slept on the sofa

and my fb would look dull in comparison

Skiptonlass · 17/06/2015 10:09

I actually got several 'concerned' emails from people aghast that I hadn't linked myself to my husband on Facebook, or posted our wedding photos on there. Apparently our love is doomed because we don't slobber all over each other online.

These are the same emotionally incontinent people who post multiple duck faced bathroom mirror selfies a day and constant 'wuv my hubs he's sooooo amaze balls' type shit. Yes I'm sure he is. Just tell him that, as he's sitting next to you...weird.

I suppose FB is just a mirror, really. I find it fascinating. I've moved around a lot in my life so I do find it a good tool to keep in touch with people from various places I've lived. Most post pics from their latest climbing trip/bbq/travel/random family life and that's fine by me. The weirdly self obsessed minority is just amusing. I find it incredible how open people are on FB.

And yes, anyone using proudmummy/wifeof... Monikers is a twit.

Whathaveilost · 17/06/2015 10:10

DH and I have a joiint email. To me it is the equivalent of a letter box. Emails came in and who ever was on the iPad would sift through them.
Most of the emails are news letters or Groupon offers anyway. Hell, I even let my sons when they were younger use the address!

Certainly not a control issue- we've been married for 24 years and there's no worries at all. In fact I find it odd that there are a chorus of 'someone has cheated' as the third poster claimed because someone has have a joint account whether it email FB whatever.

Re face book when I first saw couples do a joint one a couple of years ago and my initial reaction was that it was a bit odd but really don't care.

Then I saw a couple that I knew and it made sense. One hardly ever uses the iPad/ computer / whatever at home as they spend all day at work on one and can't be assed with it in their free time but mutual friends include them on stuff and will occasionally have a look. However the DH picks up most of the events and invites. My mum and dad have done a joint one. Fair play to them. My mum uses FB the most but now the family that is spread out can include dad on the posts.

Oh and by the way we don't 'have his and her dressing gowns'! What a strange statement!
I find it odd that people think it's because people are 'bizarrely' reliant on each other as stated in the 4th post. Eh? How come? Sure I rely on DH to do something's but seeing that I have my own wage, my own holidays, savings,night out with friends etc. How does having a joint FB or email make you 'bizarrely' reliant on your partner.

Strange thought processes on MN at times! A complete non issue.

SayThisOnlyOnce · 17/06/2015 10:15

DH doesn't do Facebook due to his job. However he reads mine sometimes. Saves me passing on family news. I think he's commented 3 or 4 times over the years, always saying 'this is DH' first. Which is fine with me. I see it as the same sort of thing as if he answers my phone to a friend when I'm driving.

Stepawayfromthezebras · 17/06/2015 10:16

A friend has joint facebook account, email address and mobile phone with her husband. I find it quite odd but then I'm not even FB friends with my DP. I spend enough time hearing his rubbish jokes without having to wade through them on my facebook feed.

spouseofaMNer · 17/06/2015 10:18

"Joint Facebook account = huge trust and control issues.

One or both has cheated or is suspected of doing so."

Wait, really? DW once suggested this to me, but there isn't any mistrust or control there. Confused

chrome100 · 17/06/2015 12:07

I am friends with an acquaintance on FB whose wife, I assume, does not have her own account. So shes posts using his but after each post writes "from Paula" (not her real name) which is highly confusing because the posts display his name and photograph. I don't get it.

Frostycake · 17/06/2015 12:13

Yes, it's like joint e-mail addresses jon&[email protected] for couples who are joined at the hip. You have no idea who you're e-mailing and who is responding. Very confusing.

They are the same people who say things like "oh, we don't like the cinema do we darling." Or, "We don't watch television now that the children have left home."

Merged identities.

Bloody annoying.

Can you tell I know a few of these! Grin

Bishopston · 17/06/2015 12:23

I'm currently pregnant - what shall I do - set a Facebook account up for the 'bump'? I'm sure people will be fascinated to hear updates such as 'Mummy saw me on the scan' 'I love how mummy keeps rubbing her belly.. "

I'm suffering from quite bad sickness I DO NOT NEED TO SPEW ANY MORE!!

longlistofexlovers · 17/06/2015 12:26

I know a couple that do this. Its not distrust. They are just internet-illiterate and don't see why it is weird.

MNpostingbot · 17/06/2015 12:26

"That's almost worse DoJo.

Being so codependent that you would never want to share your own thoughts or opinions. Not an individual, just half of a couple.

And it takes like 46 seconds to join FB hmm .

I stand by my original post."

Well, dojos post is in line with how we use it. Facebook is almost entirely a pointless waste of time, we have an account on there so people who insist on sending invites on there can find us and very occasionally it's useful for local stuff like the village facebook page.

I would flip your being so codependent comment to say we are not so narcissistic that we have the misconception that anyone cares about your opinion on there. My friends know the opinions I hold that I wish them to know about, we don't need our own pages to share our irrelevant views with people we barely know.