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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fuming with the school

48 replies

zobey · 15/06/2015 19:45

My 3yo dd has came home from nursery with a bite mark on her face and scratches all up her arm. The teacher knows it was done at school but didnt write it up in the incident book. My dd wouldnt tell the teacher who did it but when she got back to my mums house both her and another little girl said it was a certain little boy. Would i be unreasonable to call the school tomorrow and find out why it wasnt wrote up and what they are going to do about it and how would i be to approach this big problem.

OP posts:
Baies · 15/06/2015 19:47

Well you certainly should call the school and ask for more clarification and enquire as to why it was not recorded via the proper channels

It's not a 'big problem' though. 3 year olds do bite and frequently. It's the teachers job to try and prevent this so I'd be asking what they intend to do in the future

CocktailQueen · 15/06/2015 19:47

Well, I would be cross but I think you have to calm down. Explain your dd's injuries, say who your dd said caused them, ask what happened and why it wasn't written up in the accident book. Doesn't she go to nursery tomorrow? I think this would be best dealt with face to face. Why didn't you say anything when you picked her up today?

Original poster
zobey · 15/06/2015 19:51

I dont take her to school my mum does so i can work full time. Next time ill be in the school will be 9th july. So the way i comunicate with the school is on the phone.

OP posts:
Baies · 15/06/2015 19:51

Just give them a quick bell tomorrow then

arethereanyleftatall · 15/06/2015 19:52

Unfortunately, this isn't a major incident.
At dds nursery, someone would get bitten almost daily, sometimes my girls.
The procedure was always to tell you and apologise and explain how they tried to stop it/prevent it, but they'd never say who did it.

Original poster
zobey · 15/06/2015 19:55

They didnt even apologies or tell my mum what happened and its the fact that there is NO record of the incident of it happning at school whilst she was in there care thats annoyed the most. Thats what i want to complain about.

OP posts:
PtolemysNeedle · 15/06/2015 20:00

I wouldn't bother about complaining about their record keeping, that's not really your problem. A bite should go in the incident book though. How do you know it didn't?

It's worth asking for a bit of clarification on what happened, and how they intend to prevent it from happening again.

Original poster
zobey · 15/06/2015 20:03

My mum didnt have to sign anything when before when my dd fell and grazed her knee she had to sign the book.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 15/06/2015 20:10

How do you know it's not been written up ? Confused

I also think 'fuming' is an over reaction.
Sometimes some children go through phases of biting, or struggling with their behaviour in other ways. Ideally - if the staff know about it, then they will mention it to whoever is collecting the child at the end of the day. In the real world sometimes the child hasn't told anyone and it hasn't been seen, and sometimes it has been noted and dealt with, but at the moment they were picked up from school/Nursery, it wasn't at the forefront of the teacher's mind, and they forgot.

Why didn't your Mum go and ask them about it there and then ?

I would ALWAYS start a conversation with the school, by trying to seek more information. Starting by 'fuming' and 'complaining' isn't going to help at all.

BackforGood · 15/06/2015 20:11

x-posted with your last post.
That doesn't say it's not been noted though.

TopCivilServant · 15/06/2015 20:16

Might it have happened earlier in the day and was dealt with appropriately but they forgot to hand it over when your mum collected?
I'd ring but save "fuming" until you know what happened

TheFallenMadonna · 15/06/2015 20:21

When my DS was at nursery, we signed the book of shame when he was the biter, and not when he was the bitee. He was both.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 15/06/2015 21:06

They didn't document the incident.
You do know that they are legally bound to do so don't you.
Every incident by law that happens in a setting must be recorded.

BlinkingHeck · 15/06/2015 21:14

How do you know they didn't document it?
My child (6) was bitten at school last week, I didn't have to sign anything.
I wasn't fuming either, a bit upset for my Dc though.

Purplepoodle · 15/06/2015 21:23

Send you mum in to ask. Surely she can make a complaint and ask about the accident book, then school to ring you.

The biting and scratches - it happens BUT there needs to be a proper record in the accident/incident book.

LashesandLipstick · 15/06/2015 21:44

How does it affect your life whether it's doccumented or not?

I'd be more concerned checking she's okay rather than caring about whether it's in the incident book

TwinkieTwinkle · 15/06/2015 21:50

Why would your mum have to sign anything? When ds was at nursery the only time I had to sign the incident book was for a 'serious' injury i.e. one that required staff tend to it or monitor him. Kids bite and scratch, it's not a serious incident. Ideally your mum should have been told but sometimes there is a lot going on and people forget. I would think that being fuming is a bit of an over reaction though OP. We all make mistakes.

nicecomfymat · 15/06/2015 23:07

OP I'd be fuming if my child had bite marks on her face. My kids have been in 5 different nursery settings and have never been bitten. Scratched, pushed or hit but biting to leave a mark is pretty serious.

I'm really shocked at how everyone is normalising this. The only time any of my kids have been bitten is on a visit to a setting where a child with additional needs and behavioural issues (who had a 1-1 worker) was upset when we entered the room suddenly and his 1-1 didn't have a chance to prepare him. He felt threatened and lashed out. Their reaction was to be really apologetic and look at where they went wrong and how they could have handled it better (eg staff member going thru door ahead of us, warning the 1-1 and child in advance etc). They wrote it up, gave us a copy, gave did an ice pack and a carton of milk. Grin

Kids shouldn't just be biting each other on the face. Any setting where that happens has piss poor behaviour management or inadequate staff.

YANBU but you should try and calmly ask WTF is going on there.

nicecomfymat · 15/06/2015 23:13

And my experience is of a range of nurseries in inner London of all types: Sure start, early years centre, charity run, privately run, attached to school. Mix of kids from different social backgrounds, some with additional needs. It shouldn't be happening and if it is they should take it seriously.

It boils my piss when adults don't respect children. If I got bit on the face at work I'd press charges and sue my employer.

wheresthelight · 15/06/2015 23:15

I would definitely be phoning the school! Not writing it up is totally unacceptable.

My dd was scratched by my friends dd at the cm last week, nothing major just my friends dd being a bit forthright whilst trying to take my dds dummy (they have known each other from being a few weeks old and is an ongoing thing despite friends dd never having wanted a dummy) and we were both spoken to, was all written up on their own journals and an accident report filled in that I had to sign. A bite should have had all this and more imo

Littlefish · 15/06/2015 23:27

What you mean is that the incident hadn't been written up by 3.00pm ish when your dd was picked up. That doesn't mean it wasn't written up a little later, after all the children had gone home.

Just give them a quick call tomorrow and ask if your mum can sign the incident book next time she's in.

I disagree with the previous poster who said that a setting where biting occurs must have poor behaviour management techniques.

Children bite each other occasionally. It happens. In most children, it's a short phase and it soon goes away. It's upsetting, I realise, but not something to be "fuming" about.

Original poster
zobey · 15/06/2015 23:59

It happened between 12:30 and 1 she was picked up at 3:10 so no excuses for it not been wrote up im a level 3 nursery nurse (not in that field any more) but standards are still the same.

OP posts:
mmgirish · 16/06/2015 01:42

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Cantbelievethisishappening · 16/06/2015 06:24

It boils my piss when adults don't respect children. If I got bit on the face at work I'd press charges and sue my employer

Yes.... because this is exactly the same isn't it Hmm
In keeping with the subject matter, would you press charges and sue a child if they had bitten you on the face?

Littlefish · 16/06/2015 06:27

I disagree Zoney. It simply isn't always possible to write incidents up until after the end of the school day.