who is BU ? me or boyfriend?

[maxxytoe]

So last night I fell asleep on the couch at about 9:00. My boyfriend told me to go to bed he was going to play FIFA for a bit but then he'd be in.
About midnight he comes in turns the big light on , starts asking me fuck loads of questions ; 'where's my charger' , 'orange is the new black was good wasn't it ' , 'should we go and watch Jurassic world ' , 'what you doing tomorrow'
He then turns on the tv REALLY loud and puts Russell Howard on and starts laughing his tits off!
He does it all the time !
Last weekend my son went to his dad's house at about 11.30 so I decided to go for a nap. Just dropped off when he decides to come in and announce we are going to do the cleaning and tidying !
WHY
He'd been up all morning and decides to do it now when I need a rest
Obviously I refused and lay there in bed. Next thing I know he's telling his daughter to play on her screechy hello fucking kitty keyboard (which is conveniently right outside our bedroom) and he's flying round the apartment with the bloody hoover! He had ALL morning to do this.
Everytime I go for a sleep he wakes me up or prevents me from resting
I have a 1 year old son who's up at 6 and had a terrible birth which has led to numerous blood transfusions and a suspected iron deficiency (I'm having blood tests tomorrow)
i think he's being unreasonable and he thinks I'm being boring !
(I may or may not have let my son bang on the radiators this morning to wake him up so he knows how it feels )

I'd be seriously questioning the relationship tbh. The problem isn't the length of the relationship but you appear to live quite differently. If he's a night owl & you aren't,how much time are you spending together?
Have you always needed so much sleep? Obviously if this is a symptom of health issues then hopefully there could be treatment coming.
How were you both when you met? Did you sit up & watch TV together/go out etc?
He sounds very unreasonable to wake you up but it can't be much fun to be with someone who sleeps all the time.
Perhaps you are simply not the right fit for each other?

I wouldn't be living with him.
Has he not even basic manners?

This is horrible behaviour. It will be dismissed (as will your feelings) and minimised, but the reality is it's controlling and needy.

If it were me there would be a proper sit down chat (don't do it in the heat of the moment or as lots of throw away comments - he is not taking them seriously). I would explain i needed to sleep and that while i had no idea why he was doing this, and nor did i care, this would be stopping on way or another. He could decide how it stopped - he either just fucked off and let me be, or he would be leaving - either way i would be getting my sleep. I would make it clear this was not a discussion, or a debate where he got an opinion or had a 'side'. It was just a fact. He didn't have to understand it he just had to respect me and stick to it. If he couldn't do this very reasonable thing for someone he loves then it would make him deeply strange and I would have to reconsider my position.

End of conversation. No excuses. No more talking about it. If he continued to bring it up i would repeatedly say, 'i have said all i'm willing to say on this - you know how i feel'. If he continued i would point out how weird he was being and ask why he had so little respect for my opinion and feelings. He wont like it. It will be a shock. but it might make him realise how unpleasant and cruel this is and also that what you say needs to be listened to and respected. It will be a valuable lesson.

How long have you been together?

Bloody hell, even when my DH needs to wake me up he approaches with caution I'm fairly confident he'd prod me with a stick then run if he could

This is hugely disrespectful and can be used as a form of abusive control, he needs to respect your needs.

He is hugely unreasonable, and sounds like an arse.

Now I couldn't live with somebody who stayed in bed late or napped through the day (unless for medical reasons) but I would never be so rude as to consistently wake them up!

It all sounds very unhealthy to me. I don't think it's just the DP that's at fault here. You are both BU.

You seem to need an awful lot of sleep. If you're fall asleep around 7pm, need a nap in the day, and then going to bed on a Saturday after your son has gone to his dad's then that is a lot. I wouldn't have thought blood transfusions a year ago would have this impact. Hopefully the GP can identify whether there is some underlying condition here.

His behaviour is arsey but maybe he is annoyed that you're lying in bed in the middle of the day when there's housework being done, he's been working fulltime and he's wanting family time with his daughter.

Agree with other posters. He's moved in very early in the relationship, particularly as there are children involved. Have you had a discussion about expectations, ground rules, mutual respect etc?

Other than this I cannot fault him , he cooks and cleans and has took my son on aa his own

How's he taking your son on as his own if he's rude and disrespectful to the boy's mother I.e you?

Why on earth would you move someone in after 6 months when you both have children to consider?

This sounds like an awful situation.
There is nothing worse than being sleep deprived.
You really do need to go to the doctor to get some help for the tiredness - blood tests etc and also work on a sleep routine. Go to bed when you are tired at 9 pm and not fall asleep on the couch. Also this means that if he wants to watch TV and do whatever in the living room until midnight he can. If he was a decent person with your best interests at heart he would do that and then come quietly to bed when he wanted to without making a big song and dance and waking you up.
However, I think he is behaving terribly. He sounds very immature and getting his daughter to play on the keyboard when he knows you need a rest is shocking.
Do you really want to spend years of your life with him carrying-on like this?

"he decides to come in and announce we are going to do the cleaning and tidying !
WHY
He'd been up all morning and decides to do it now when I need a rest angry
Obviously I refused and lay there in bed. Next thing I know he's telling his daughter to play on her screechy hello fucking kitty keyboard (which is conveniently right outside our bedroom) and he's flying round the apartment with the bloody hoover! He had ALL morning to do this."

Are you gender-swapping stories from past mumsnet threads to see if people reverse their opinions?

I mean good job if you are, a double standard is a double standard - I'm just curious.

How is the OP unreasonable for wanting to sleep? Does she owe her DP her constant attention? Why does he get to decide when she does her portion of chores?

I think that's a completely normal amount of sleep/tiredness level if you have a 1yo. I always take the sleep when i can and housework (as long as it's not unhygienic levels) can wait.

I dont think shes BU in wanting to sleep but its a personal thing. It may be a reasonable amount of sleep to one person but to me it's very excessive. And I have a dd who has only just started to sleep through at nearly 3 so I do understand tiredness.

Are you gender-swapping stories from past mumsnet threads to see if people reverse their opinions?

I mean good job if you are, a double standard is a double standard - I'm just curious.

I was wondering that myself.

He was incredibly rude, but it sounds like you are incompatible to an extent. He needs considerably less sleep than average and you seem to need far more than most of us. I would definitely go back to the gp and see what they say.

i feel like i've slipped into a parallel universe. How does needing more sleep than your partner make you incompatible? Are you not allowed to sleep when others are awake in the house? What difference does it make to them if you are asleep? So what if he thinks it's excessive? So what if she needs more than most people? Why does he get an opinion on her sleeping? Unless OP comes back with a massive drip feed about not having done any housework for 6 months and leaving everything up to him, i just don't see how this affects him in anyway. People don't owe us their attention.

Ok, well maybe they are incompatible because her bf is too immature to let the op sleep when she needs to.

I think we are all agreed that his behaviour is unacceptable, but ggggllll has a point. We have had threads on here with the genders reversed and posters have agreed that the man who sleeps all the time should maybe get himself to a gp and that the woman should wake her partner up to do his share of the housework.

In any case I would be fuming if my husband behaved the way this man did. I frequently go to bed before my husband and he would be dead if he so much as turned a small lamp on. So I do sympathise with the op.

MrsKoala sleeping during the day would probably be a deal breaker for me. A healthy adult who has no medical conditions and gets a good amount of night sleep, being in bed during the day would drive me up the wall, and I wouldn't be compatible with that person. It might not matter to you, it would to me and neither of us are right/wrong.

Needless to say he is still an arse.

We have been friends for a number of years before we got in a relationship.
I have not always been like this it's been since I gave birth to my son .
I am having a blood test tomorrow to see if its an iron deficiency which I've suffered from terribly in the past

I'm usually in bed before dh, who is a night owl. I'm an early bird like the OP - up with the lark and good to go. If it's possible to do so, I often sleep on the sofa in the afternoon.
I don't mind a bit of racket when I'm snoozing on the sofa because I don't expect the rest of the household to hold my nap in any reverence...if I was that bothered I'd go to bed.
Neither do I mind that he puts his lamp on to read when he finally comes to bed after midnight. It doesn't disturb me.

My jaw swung open on reading about the big light, loud telly, inane questions and chatter.
I mean...just how does he tell himself it's okay to do that?

OP you know...you could always set an alarm and do the same thing to him a few times. Wake that fucker up at 6am, demand to know where your keys are, put the radio on, open the curtains, bounce on the fucking bed!

If he doesn't get it after that, he never will.

We have been friends for a number of years before we got in a relationship.

So presumably him acting like an inconsiderate arse isn't a surprise to you then?

Really Strawberry, don't you think that's pretty controlling? What about if they wanted to go to the Gym or an art exhibition without you, would that be okay? if so, what's the difference? It's their free time to do with what they wish. How does it affect you in any way?

How about reading in bed for a couple hours - are they allowed to do that? Is it just the eyes closed that bothers you?

Controlling because I don't think a healthy adult needs to be in bed during the day? Okay then ....

My dp goes plenty of places without me and vice versa, I just think it's a bit lazy but it's only my personal opinion and nothing to do with free time.

No, controlling because if that's their free time why do you care what they do with it? What if they didn't need the sleep, just enjoyed it? Do you have issues about perceived laziness?

Why are you so bothered about my personal opinion? People can do what the hell they want in their free time, but I think being in bed during the day when there's no need to a bit lazy and is not something I'd find easy to live with. Others will agree others won't I don't care

I thought this was a discussion forum. You gave an opinion which i didn't understand so i wondered about it. You do sound pretty uptight tho - perhaps you could do with a nap

I could never live with someone who slept as much as you. 7pm until the next morning? And sleeping in the day or at 11.30am? Some people need more sleep than others but presumably you are young and you say yourself you are only in uni two days a week. That doesn't sound right to me at all op so yes you should get yourself checked out.

And I know what it's like to be up with little ones in the night and work full-time.

Mind you, his only needing 4 hours sleep a night is very unusual too. Both two extremes so I cant see how you could be compatible.

Not going to comment on why he is living with you when you have been together less than a year as not relevant to the thread.