Utterly bored and frustrated by living in a small town

[saltnpepa]

We live in a small town and I am so bored and frustrated by the mundaneness of it. I'm from inner London and here I am in the middle of effing nowhere and all the families are white and middle class and wear Boden. There is no crime and no bad behaviour from anyone at anytime. Nobody swears or cracks jokes, there's no vibrancy or creativity, everyone is the bloody same. The mothers are polite and very decent and the husbands are all doing the right things and I only know of one single mum. I stick out like a sore thumb and am sick of rubbing people up the wrong way unintentionally just because I'm different. My kids love it here as does my rather conservative husband, I feel like running down the street naked covered in talcum powder and jam just to cause a stir. It is a 'nice' life but unstimulating and I worry that my kids will grow up to be just like the locals.

Bunbaker, I think we're neighbours! I also grew up in the SE & lived in London but now live in a S Yorkshire village. There's loads to do, access to towns and cities, and far lower crime. Although Fred did have his tractor nicked last year

I live in a small town, so shoot me.

Most of our neighbours used to live in London but moved out when they had kids for better quality of life, schools and lower house prices. It's very leafy and we have lots of naice cafés and a new arts centre.There is life outside the m25 and we live 5 mins walk firm mainline station, it's only 40 minutes to kings cross so easy to go up to town if you really want to. Unfortunately lots of London dwellers have caught on so house prices have gone crazy.

As I've already said soundedbetterinmyhead, I've come across plenty of racism in London (family from the East End, there when the BNP won a council seat), but it's easier to get away from in a big city.

I haven't said that everyone outside the M25 is racist, or that everyone within the M25 isn't and those facts seem to be at least one thing that people on this thread agree on.

OP, I doubt you are as different as you think you are. People tend to be the same wherever, whatever, or at least similar types although they may have different external mannerisms to suit the society they live in.

I love Jane Austen because the worlds the characters move in are very small, but actually the personalities and themes can be found in any society.

If you have the confidence to be yourself you can be yourself anywhere and you will find like minded people wherever. But maybe introverts prefer cities so that they can escape intimacy/everybody knowing their business, which I can understand.

The two biggest racists I know are my MIL and aunt, both of whom live in London, but this may be more of a generational thing.

My DH is from a village and though it was nice enough going for visits when his parents still lived there, I would have gone nuts if we'd had to go live there or anywhere similar. He would like to live out in the sticks but I just can't see the appeal of being miles away from work, school etc and based on what I saw, the nosiness and busy bodying. I don't really care if people have wind chimes in their garden, what colour they paint their fence etc. I don't think that people from bigger places are superior but the way of life in a city or large town is more for me. I guess the OP is maybe aware of not feeling at ease and is noticing differences rather than similarities at the moment because of the stark contrast.

What a nasty thing to say, Puppy!!

I guess the deal breaker is wether you would want your children to grow up in this town or not? Are they feeling like square pegs too or have they settled in ok?

Yes auto correct fail! NO racist friends not nine! Oops!
christina you are constantly talking about small town racism, then say you don't think it's more racist than London. Which is it?

As I've said at least twice, there is racism everywhere, it's just easier to get away from in a city.

That's from my experience of living in cities, small town and villages.

A little quotee from upthread from me cardibach which I hope answers your question...

"I haven't said that everyone outside the M25 is racist, or that everyone within the M25 isn't and those facts seem to be at least one thing that people on this thread agree on."

I think you must live in the same town as me OP. Most exciting this that happens here is the annual country fayre.

So this is a goady, trolling thread about racism. OP isn't racist and proves it by telling us how racist an entire small town is - a town full of people whom she admits she does not know.

Oh dear,I think it's time to get the FOR SALE board up!!!

I think if you move somewhere rural and you are not happy about it, all the things that you would have normally overlooked will be amplified.

For me, this thread vindicates my reasons for never again living in London, despite being born there, growing up there and living there for over 20 years. When I lived in London, it wasn't try hard. We just cracked on with what we had. When I look at the Estate Agent descriptions of where I grew up, I laugh out loud! Some people will pay a million pounds for a rubbish house where I used to live. I will live happily ever after in the sticks! Being boring or whatever!

Jesus christ are you really more upset about the odd comment you disagree with than all the crime and bad behaviour you have left behind?

I know what I'd prefer for my kids ad after all you have much more influence on the views they grow up with than you do on inner city crime levels.

Maybe count your blessings OP?

YANBU white people are literally the worst. I don't know why we suffer them to live.

of course the rest is rubbish, they do if course crack jokes and have hobbies and cheat on their wives but they just don't tell you about it.

Cant imagine why

I live in a town much as you describe.. in fact David Cameron's constituency... very white, very middle class Boden wearing....

I'm from Birmingham, multicultural, busy, varied.. lots to do...

It took a long period of adjustment but my little market town is as alive as any city..you just have to make more of an effort as it's not thrown in your face . Over the ten years I have been there, I have realised that the Boden wearing Range Rover driving mums are just as filthy minded, swearing , fun people as any I left behind. And I have found clubs to join, people who have become great friends. I do sometimes miss the buzz of city life and the variety of faiths, cultures etc... but the pay off is a safe environment, gentle people (for the most part) and I've never been burgled here! I know my neighbours, and the local shop people smile and chat to me, and if anyone hasn't been seen for a while, someone will check if they are ok.. it's a gentle but kinder way to live.

My children have grown up here and while I do think they have missed out in some respects ..no 'other faith' friends or exposure to the excitment of other culture festivals etc that I loved as a kid, they haven't turned out as Cameron clones and two have gone to major Universities in places that are much more diverse..and have adapted to a faster pace with ease.

We even manage to go to shows, museums, musical events... it's called catching a train

Get out there and actually attempt to integrate...

TravellingToad I think you fail to grasp what racism is.

Why did you agree to move there? Your happiness matters as much as your dcs and dhs. Is a move to london (or other city) possible. I grew up in a small town and nothing would induce me to return. Cultural wasteland.

All these people who describe rural/small town living as being in a cultural desert, how many times a week do you actually go to the theatre/ballet/opera/classical music/museum/art gallery?

I live within half an hour's drive of three cities and have access to two national museums, several other museums, cathedrals, art galleries, theatres etc. I can see an opera or ballet, go to a classical music concert or music festival, I can get to York in an hour and a zoo in 40 minutes.

All of which I have done more often than when I lived in London.

Towns near me hold arts festivals, comedy nights and food festivals. We have three stately homes within five miles of where we live, one of which regularly holds music festivals. The village down the road holds a rockfest every year.

I don't live in a cultural desert.

Bunbaker - collectively we do many cultural activities every week. Not so much performance-related at this time of year. I really value the ability for DC to do lots of cultural activities with low organisation.

You'd be suprised by how many of the people around you may feel the same. In smaller places public behaviour can be just that.

bunbaker as a family we have a really active cultural life. Theatre/music/lectures etc. When we moved back to London (for part of the week) we agreed that this was part and parcel of our move.

I also attend a lot of literary events and salons etc (I'm a writer, and this is much more active in London) than the other place we live.

That said, I'm sure most people living in London don't attend these sorts of things. Just like everyone else I guess.

If we had to drive into Paris (or take the train) we'd never get to go to eg the Comedie Francaise on a weeknight. And lectures etc are often not very long and at odd times that would be difficult if you don't live locally.

OP, I completely feel your pain. I am in the same situation and it has been driving me insane for nearly 20 years. The only things that keep me going are a) regular trips into London b) finding like-minded people on the internet.