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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Nanny returning from Maternity leave - with her child?

36 replies

FromThePeg · 14/06/2015 12:27

AIBU to think that it's not ok for my nanny to return to work from maternity leave and assume that she will come back on the same exact terms, but bring her baby as well? (Our child will be 7 when she comes back.) I am willing to compromise - for example, have her as an after school nanny AND have the baby, but I just don't think it's fair to pay her full time when most of the time she's going to be looking after her own baby while our child is in school... She's a lovely person, but...

What do other people do?

OP posts:

6cats3gingerkittens · 14/06/2015 12:30

They probably don't have a nanny so the issue doesn't arise.

Wonkyparsnip · 14/06/2015 12:30

So what did she do in the day before she had the baby? I think it a bit odd she'd assume she'd bring her baby, surely it's like any other job. She should either ask for her terms to be changed or find child care.

StarlingMurmuration · 14/06/2015 12:32

No YANBU! That's insane. Your home is her place of work, it's not appropriate to bring your baby to your place of work. She needs to arrange childcare.

Though as an aside, what are you paying her to do while your child is at school? Not asking to be snide, I'm just a bit curious.

NinkyNonkers · 14/06/2015 12:34

If you agree to her returning with child then a renogotiation of terms would be expected surely?!

LashesandLipstick · 14/06/2015 12:34

Well a bit. I mean if your child is at school and you expect her to be at your house, why can't she bring her baby? It's not like she's ignoring yours, yours isn't there. Why do you need a nanny when your child is at school?

selsigfach · 14/06/2015 12:34

Why on eRth would you need a nanny in school hours? Is it to ensure she'll be there during school hols?

selsigfach · 14/06/2015 12:35

*earth

Earthbound · 14/06/2015 12:38

I think you need this moved to childcare.

But no YANBU. This situation needs to be discussed with the employer. It should never be assumed that it is OK for a nanny to bring a child to her workplace.

Koalafications · 14/06/2015 12:39

How long has she been on maternity leave for? Was your DC not at school before she went on leave? If your DC was in school what did she do during the day?

BeenWondering · 14/06/2015 12:40

Maybe the nanny cleans during the day.

Original poster

FromThePeg · 14/06/2015 12:41

She does a bit of helping me with my business (not masses - filing and stuff) and she does a bit of housework. And when it's school holidays, of course, she's taken care of dc. But we know we're over-paying her - we needed her for a transition time when dc was going to school and I was starting up my business AND studying a Uni degree. So my ideal would probably be to accept the baby but not full time.

OP posts:

PtolemysNeedle · 14/06/2015 12:42

YANBU at all. Your nanny is being unbelievably cheeky. It sounds like you'd be better off getting a childminder instead, unless there's some reason why you need to have your child looked after in her own home or you need the nanny to do late nights.

grabaspoon · 14/06/2015 12:44

As a nanny to a school aged child I can say that it is hard to find a nanny who is available to do morning drop offs and pick ups and is stil available in case dc are ill/inset days/class assemblies. Generally a nanny will do nursery duties/chores during the day.

Your nanny does not have to be allowed to bring her child back - you can offer her, her job back the same terms - which she can either approve or she will hand her notice in.

fairgroundsnack · 14/06/2015 12:45

I think you are getting a hard time on this thread OP! Your nanny has the right to return to her old job on her old terms, which includes her not bringing a child with her. If she wants to bring the baby then you are completely entitled to renegotiate terms of hours and salary. YANBU.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 14/06/2015 12:46

It think this isn't that unusual but the terms would need to be revisited.

SavoyCabbage · 14/06/2015 12:46

I can't believe that anyone would think they could go back to work with their baby without discussing it properly!

I think I would take the opportunity to renegotiate entirely and have her only after school. And get someone else to help with your business.

tumbletumble · 14/06/2015 12:47

My friend's nanny has her own child who is a couple of years younger than my friend's youngest DC. All the DC (friend's and nanny's) are at school now, but there were a couple of years when the nanny had her own child at my friend's home during the day while my friend's DC were at school. I don't think it was a problem at all for my friend (although it was different in that this nanny had her own child from the start of the working relationship). From the nanny's point of view, it would seem a bit ridiculous to be alone in someone else's house all day while paying for childcare for her own child!

BestZebbie · 14/06/2015 12:50

How long does she propose this going on and how old is the baby already?
I ask because I gave my job the option of me coming back after 6 months without the baby or 2 months but bringing the baby in with me until it was 6 months old (for feeding and because it felt too young to be away all day) and they jumped at the 2 months plus baby option - but now he is weaned and goes to nursery.

Mandatorymongoose · 14/06/2015 12:56

It's fine to renegotiate terms.

But - if she wants full time hours then be prepared for her to leave and look for alternative employment. Suddenly dropping her hours to just after school + holidays probably won't go down all that well.

From her point of view she might feel that as long as she completes all the work that's expected of her then what difference does it make if the baby is there or not?

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 14/06/2015 13:00

Loads of threads on here about this - search under NWOC - nanny with own child - which can give you guidance on adjusting terms.

Higgle · 14/06/2015 13:03

When this happened to us our nanny registered as a childminder and looked after our two sons at her home in the school holidays. Our youngest started nursery a bit sooner than we had planned and I did the school run and negotiated slightly different hours at work. She was lovely and this enabled us to keep her for 11 years all in.

Wonkyparsnip · 14/06/2015 13:03

Sorry when I asked that question I wasn't giving you a hard time I was interested. I think ydnbu.

Original poster

FromThePeg · 14/06/2015 14:04

No, I don't feel I'm being given a hard time (Wonkyparsnip and almost all others). I'm valuing the input.

What she does in the day with the baby (who will be a year old - or just less - on return) is not that material, except to the extent that it will mean less is done on the business / in the house. She is someone dc adores, but my concern is that - for me - dc has to take priority. I'm happy to renegotiate and be flexible, but the main thing for me is that dc needs to be cared for and to feel the focus of attention, and I'm just not sure that can work...

I'm borrowing trouble a bit here - it's been hinted at but return is not until October so I'm going to stick my head down for a few months and forget about it :-)

BestZebbie - you sound amazing! That's a really good approach... Sadly, not an option in our case, but I'd have really appreciated that.

Thanks all

OP posts:

selsigfach · 14/06/2015 14:28

I think that having another child around could be good for your child (sharing, playing together, being gentle with smaller children, learning they can't always be no. 1 etc), provided that the nanny can do her contracted work. This could be a good opportunity to make changes to nanny's contract that are mutually beneficial.

Plarail123 · 14/06/2015 14:55

The nanny's baby goes to nursery while she is at work. Like everyone else. It's a job. End of discussion.

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