Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Nanny returning from Maternity leave - with her child?

36 replies

FromThePeg · 14/06/2015 12:27

AIBU to think that it's not ok for my nanny to return to work from maternity leave and assume that she will come back on the same exact terms, but bring her baby as well? (Our child will be 7 when she comes back.) I am willing to compromise - for example, have her as an after school nanny AND have the baby, but I just don't think it's fair to pay her full time when most of the time she's going to be looking after her own baby while our child is in school... She's a lovely person, but...

What do other people do?

OP posts:
bbcessex · 14/06/2015 15:21

Plarail123 you are not correct. It is not unusual at all for a nanny to bring a baby to work with her. Most childcare professionals would not choose to look after other children only to put their own child / children in childcare.

FromThePeg.... I've had a number of nannies, two of whom have brought their babies to work with them.

It can certainly work but it's not without complexities and compromises. In my opinion, it is not ideal... I find that most families who allow their nanny to return with her baby, or employ a nanny who has her own child, do so because:

  • your nannying hours are irregular / limited and not attractive to a wide market of nannies
  • your children are similar ages and therefore will have common requirements / activities / equipment needs
  • your nanny has been with you a very long time, is part of the family and the work won't suffer or you wish to retain her at all costs
  • the nanny has agreed a lower rate to allow for the 'shared care' aspect of the arrangement and this is appealing to you

My advice is to not put your head in the sand about it. If your nanny has hinted already, it's not fair / reasonable to dodge the subject.
Have a think about what you want to do, and communicate it to your nanny so that she understands what her options are in good time.

In your situation, if you have school aged children, but employ your nanny during the day for housekeeping / emergencies / sick care cover, then I personally would lean toward not wanting her to come back with her baby unless I was particularly attached or had found it hard to recruit.

If you do allow her back with her baby, make sure you change the contract to reflect the new situation, and also bear in mind things like sickness etc. She will need to have a good plan in place if her child is sick, and things like your children having bugs will take on a new meaning for her, so you need to be clear up front what your expectations are. If she drives your car, you will need a car seat. You will need stair gates / high chairs etc. It's not easy for a new mum to lug her child around to swimming lessons / horse riding / help with homework etc.. It's hard enough juggling your own children, but when you are paying for those services, it can be galling if you feel your DC are being short-changed.

wizzywig · 14/06/2015 15:31

bbc essex is spot on. we have been in the same situation twice (where a nanny was adamant her child was easy-going and would fit in with our kids plans). it didnt happen. its sod's law that any activities your child will do will coincide with her baby's feed times, that she wont be able to be hands on with your child as her baby takes up so much time. plus your house will be full of the baby stuff she will bring with her. and trying to work/ study whilst a baby is crying is really difficult

Ebb · 14/06/2015 15:34

Why don't you just write to your nanny and tell her that you are not prepared for her to bring her baby to work with her? That way she has time to find childcare or you have time to find a new nanny if she decides to hand in her notice? YANBU though, she should not assume it's OK to bring her baby to work.

CaptainSwan · 14/06/2015 15:46

Totally agree with bbcessex it's very common for nannies to find jobs where they can bring their own child with them. Nannying is not just like any other job, at all.

Why would you stick your head in the sand about all this op?! That's hardly fair. Tackle it now and decide what you're going to do. Has it been discussed at all? Is she on maternity leave now? You must have discussed what the plans were before she left, surely?

StackladysMorphicResonator · 14/06/2015 16:19

YANBU.

TBH, I wouldn't be happy, as if she'd running around after a one-year-old she won't be able to engage your seven-year-old much - I'd imagine your DS will be left to play quietly by himself a lot, since toddlers take up a great deal more time and energy than older children.

KittyLovesPaintingOhYes · 14/06/2015 17:06

I don't know about nannying specifically but babies in the workplace are less than delightful - I took my dd to work with me from 7 mths to 2 yrs, as bookkeeper to dh, and now do in half a day what used to take me two. I also think the other staff were very pleased when dd started playgroup...

GymBum · 14/06/2015 17:18

I like to think I am a reasonable person but this situation wouldn't work for us. I would give her the option of coming back on the same basis or ending our arrangement.

saintlyjimjams · 14/06/2015 17:27

Don't stick your head in the sand. Have a conversation with her now. Tell her what you want/need on return & then she can either accept the new terms, or decide that's not what she wants & hand in her notice (not sure about the legalities of renegotiating during maternity leave - but presumably you can get advice so that's watertight).

What you can't do is force her to work in the way you want - I.e. If she chooses to hand in her notice that's her choice - but have the conversation now so you both have time to sort arrangements out.

FlorenceMattell · 14/06/2015 18:50

Maybe the nanny is only suggesting it because she feels loyal to you. She might be relieved to give notice.
Before and after school jobs are very difficult to fill.

FlorenceMattell · 14/06/2015 18:52

Nanny / Office assistant jobs also hard to fill. Most nannies do the job because they enjoy working with small children.

DragonWithAGirlTattoo · 14/06/2015 18:55

What about if she discounts her fees by some because shes bringing her child? Instead of her paying for her own child care?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page