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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that this was a bit cheeky and they should've taken a card and gift?

74 replies

bostonbaby · 14/06/2015 07:56

Old friend of dh got married.
They invited mil to the wedding. There was one of those money for honeymoon cringy poems in the invitation. So, as a gift, mil gave them the use of her property abroad.
They were thrilled with it as the flights there are quite cheap and properties on her complex rent out for 1k a week (only mil and her kids families stay-doesn't rent hers out)
So they toddled off on their holiday, 2 small kids in tow.
2 weeks later, they posted the keys back through mil's door in UK. Didn't knock on to hand them back, didn't send a thank you card, bottle of wine, not a 'thank you we had a lovely time' nothing.
We have also since found out that her parents joined them towards the end of their stay and didn't fly back until 6 days after our friends. Stayed in mil's place!
Aibu thinking that they have seriously taken the piss here?
mil doesn't know her parents from adam and doesn't rent her house out. And they never even said thank you! £2K of accommodation and they couldn't stretch to a tenner for a card and wine

OP posts:

DefinitelyMaybeBaby · 14/06/2015 13:10

I feel like I'm hijacking this thread a bit now with my card situation!! Sorry!
Yeah we have some nice couple ones but the photographer took a group one with every guest in it (the kind taken from above out a window) which no one else has. And We want to use that photo on the card coz then people might like to keep it afterwards.
The photos are due by next weekend at the latest according to the contract so it's a bit late to worry about it now. Hopefully any guests who are thinking we are rude now will realise when it comes in the next couple of weeks that we hadn't forgotten. We did have a 3 week honeymoon straight after the wedding so hoping that might mean people give us some leeway!

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 14/06/2015 13:13

This wasn't just money stuffed in an envelope though.

In a nutshell , MiL gifted them the honeymoon apart from the flights, surely that's worth going to the trouble of thanking her in person and offering a bottle of wine?

GatoradeMeBitch · 14/06/2015 13:13

"A gift to say thank you for a gift?! Where does it end?!"

A bottle of wine to say thank you for a free £1,000 holiday (not including the extra week their parents stole.) It's not like for like is it? Just a basic courtesy. Stopping off at the supermarket on their way would have cost them what, five minutes?

gamerchick · 14/06/2015 13:15

I think personally it's worked out alright as long as it was left in good nick. The chances of them asking to use it again are decent and now there's a perfect reason 'no, the last time uninvited people stayed in it so it was a one off' or the like can be said.

HeyDuggee · 14/06/2015 13:26

Are people reading the same OP? Am I misunderstanding?

The brides PARENTS STAYED A FULL WEEK AFTER THE BRIDE & GROOM left WITHOUT PERMISSION OR KNOWLEDGE of the owner (MIL)

And people think a thank you or a bottle of wine is too much???

Obviously the bride and groom also slyly knew no one was coming to stay the week after them and thought they'd just lend the house to someone else he owner doesn't know or has never met!

How many of you would let a friend stay at your lovely house as a gesture and not be upset your friend allowed someone else you don't know to stay there an extra week after she's left?

The point isn't that it's her parents, the point is MIL, the owner wasn't asked if they can stay an extra week and she doesn't know them!!

Momagain1 · 14/06/2015 13:39

I know it's a long time - I've been toing and froing about whether to just send standard cards without a picture on, coz I hate the thought of people thinking we didn't appreciate the gifts. But the photographer assures me the pics are nearly ready and I think it'll be a nicer keepsake for everyone if it has a photo on it.

Plain cards sooner is better. Very few people are going to sentimentally keep your thank you card. In all liklihood, most of those cards will end up in the bin, sooner or later so you will have gone to extra expense and delay for no reason.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 14/06/2015 13:48

Wedding etiquette wise, where I come from, thank you cards always have a photo of the bride and groom, and you have up to a year to send them. Yes, a whole year.

However this wasn't just any old wedding gift. YA mos definitely NBU!!!

Fatmomma99 · 14/06/2015 13:49

A personalized card will me lovely, Definitely. I don't agree with Momagain at all.
Anyone muttering to themselves at the length of time taken will forgive you when they get something you've obv gone to trouble over.

clam · 14/06/2015 13:53

If you want to be technical, the "friends" parents were technically trespassing that following week, as they had no permission to be there and it was without the owners' consent.

Bang out of order. I would have to say something or let it be known that I was cross about it.

BeenWondering · 14/06/2015 13:54

But fatmomma99 the point is no-one (bar parents maybe) will keep the cards framed or treasured. The majority of people will look at it and think 'how nice', the card will then invariably end up in the bin or somewhere under a pile of papers in a desk.

I totally agree with Momagain1 Just send the cards and be done with. All the extra effort and expense is not worth it. To be honest a phone call would even suffice.

KoalaDownUnder · 14/06/2015 14:09

Hearts, where do you come from where it's okay to send thank you cards a year after the wedding?!

Are you sure you're not getting confused with the idea of guests having up to a year to give a gift?

GERTI · 14/06/2015 16:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 14/06/2015 16:40

YANBU. Not surprising, though, anyone who puts one of those grabby 'Pay for our honeymoon' poems in a wedding, you can expect them to be tacky.

And yy, she needs to change the locks.

Phial · 14/06/2015 16:48

YANBU. I'd be okish with everything apart from the parents staying. Maybe b & g were to embarrassed about that to face mil. A card should follow in due course.

SoldierBear · 14/06/2015 18:00

Incredibly rude.
As is this new trend for not sending out thank you letters for weeks after the wedding. You don't need to spend money on getting cards printed up with a wedding photo - just a pad of writing paper, some envelopes and stamps. Thank you letters should be written as soon after you get the gift, and in this case because of such a generous gift, an additional note should have been written, saying specifically how much they had enjoyed their stay. It would have been lovely to have brought a small gift as well
Very, very cheeky to bring the parents along - that is really abusing hospitality offered. It's like brining along uninvited guests to a dinner party!

ZanyMobster · 14/06/2015 18:00

I think a card and a bottle of wine is the least they could have done really, not really the same as other gifts IMO.

The lack of thank you cards pisses me off these days really, I was brought up to write or produce personal thank you letters as my DCs do now. I can kind of understand generic thank yous for birthdays etc as there are so many children invited so is a lot for them to write but I hate it for weddings.

My sister in law printed out generic wedding thank yous 5 months later saying thank you for making our day special. I can't stand that but it is acceptable now it seems

SoldierBear · 14/06/2015 18:04

Definitely - actually, the three week honeymoon (aka holiday) makes your tardiness even worse. You weren't working overtime or anything like that - you had more time than normal to take five minutes per person to write a few lines thanking them for thinking of your. And then when the cards arrived, stump up the cost of another stamp and send that to them as well.
An overdue/belated thank you always comes across as an afterthought.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/06/2015 18:07

Cheeky for letting unknown people stay in your mums flat without them there, and very very rude, to not say even a thank you with a card.

pearpotter · 14/06/2015 18:07

I sent our thank you cards 4 weeks after the wedding - 2 weeks honeymoon, a further week before the gifts were delivered then it took me a week to hand write and post 60 or so cards.

HermioneWeasley · 14/06/2015 18:14

How do you know the parents stayed on?

fastdaytears · 14/06/2015 18:16

So the card thing is slightly rude but I wouldn't get super upset about it. Will probably turn up eventually.

Letting their parents who are strangers to your MIL stay in the house? Absolute madness...

opalfire · 14/06/2015 18:28

Agree. Outrageous to have parents there the next week. They weren't invited by your MIL. it's not a free for all. Quite right to be furious.

BreadmakerFan · 14/06/2015 18:33

The inviting the parents to stay is worse than no thank you in my book. Watch out for next year when they want to celebrate their first anniversary in the place they had such a lovely honeymoon.

howdoyousolvethisproblem · 14/06/2015 18:51

Definitely a bit rude, doesn't cost anything to at least say thank you in person. Could they perhaps have left something at villa to say thank you? Clutching at straws ...

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