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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that this was a bit cheeky and they should've taken a card and gift?

74 replies

bostonbaby · 14/06/2015 07:56

Old friend of dh got married.
They invited mil to the wedding. There was one of those money for honeymoon cringy poems in the invitation. So, as a gift, mil gave them the use of her property abroad.
They were thrilled with it as the flights there are quite cheap and properties on her complex rent out for 1k a week (only mil and her kids families stay-doesn't rent hers out)
So they toddled off on their holiday, 2 small kids in tow.
2 weeks later, they posted the keys back through mil's door in UK. Didn't knock on to hand them back, didn't send a thank you card, bottle of wine, not a 'thank you we had a lovely time' nothing.
We have also since found out that her parents joined them towards the end of their stay and didn't fly back until 6 days after our friends. Stayed in mil's place!
Aibu thinking that they have seriously taken the piss here?
mil doesn't know her parents from adam and doesn't rent her house out. And they never even said thank you! £2K of accommodation and they couldn't stretch to a tenner for a card and wine Angry

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 14/06/2015 09:15

I'm sure they'll get round to doing thank you letters in time.

They don't sound that rude tho. If your MIL shares your attitude then I find that far ruder. Presents should be given graciously. One does not give to receive an arselicking back.

tobysmum77 · 14/06/2015 09:18

stillclassy I don't understand why the op is so invested in someone taking the piss with her MIL. Wouldn't most people just nod and forget as she walked out of the door?

grapejuicerocks · 14/06/2015 09:30

Was the place left in a perfect condition?

It was cheeky and rude.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 14/06/2015 09:36

tobys The groom is an old friend of her dh, wouldn't you be pissed off if a family friend did this ?

tobysmum77 · 14/06/2015 09:38

All they have done is not give her a card. If she was so uppity about them using the place why did she offer it?

And 'an old friend of dh's' wouldn't be someone central to my life I imagine.

tobysmum77 · 14/06/2015 09:39

You don't normally give someone a present to thank them for a wedding present. Other people may have sacrificed more to give a less generous gift.

ohtheholidays · 14/06/2015 09:43

YANBU that is so ungrateful how rude.I can't believe adults behave in this way.

They were out of order inviting they're parents along in the first place and then to not thank your MIL for such a generous gift is awful.

We sent Thank You cards for all the gifts we received from our wedding.

Pancakeflipper · 14/06/2015 09:43

I think it's rude.

A thank you face to face telling MIL how much they enjoyed it etc.. well that's hardly difficult to do.

CluckingBelle · 14/06/2015 09:46

Was your Mil in when the keys were posted? Maybe they came with a card and gift and want to give them to her in person, and thought it was important the keys were returned promptly, so posted them.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 14/06/2015 09:50

tobys each to their own and all that.

If someone had offered me free accommodation for a fortnight in an expensive resort as a gift I'd make sure I handed the keys back in person with a bottle of wine.

It wasn't £50 for the honeymoon shoved into an envelope, it was the honeymoon destination and accommodation from one person.

HeyDuggee · 14/06/2015 09:52

Parents staying with couple - not so cheeky, probably there to help wih kids so couple can enjoy themselves. Staying a full week AFTER the couple have left?! If I was your DH, I would be extremely angry with this friend for taking advantage.

tobysmum77 · 14/06/2015 09:55

But you can't go round getting offended and uppity on behalf of MIL every time someone doesn't behave exactly as you would Confused is my point. People think differently, and do different things. I probably would have too, but why is that relevant?

They didn't trash the place, they didn't invite 50 people round for a party and offend the neighbours.....

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 14/06/2015 10:05

I would have been pissed off on behalf of my MiL in this instance, like the OP.

DefinitelyMaybeBaby · 14/06/2015 10:06

Was your MiL definitely in when they took the keys back? Maybe they did knock. Also I agree it's a bit soon for cards. It's been 6 weeks since my wedding and I haven't got the official photos back from the photographer so haven't done thank you cards yet. I'm worrying that people think we are rude the more time that passes. I reckon they will definitely get a card when everyone else does.

tobysmum77 · 14/06/2015 10:10

I wouldn't, I just don't have the headspace.

carabos · 14/06/2015 10:25

It's not what it cost, or didn't cost the MiL that makes it special, it's what it saved the couple. She basically gave them their honeymoon and gave their kids and parents a holiday. That's a mighty present and deserves special recognition - or at the very least the standard recognition of a thank you card Hmm.

Five years ago I gave up three days of my time to help a friend whose daughter was getting married. I went with her to choose the wedding flowers, I taught her how to make table centres and pew ends and I went to the venue to do the church flowers. I was given a handbag size handcream by my friend as a thank you and nothing from the bride and groom. Nothing - not a card, not a phone call, nothing.

desertmum · 14/06/2015 11:26

the sad part about this is that it puts people off helping or offering stuff again. I was asked by a friend for recommendations on what to do in a country that I had lived in - gave her masses of info and advise and places to go and things to do that tourists usually miss out on - insider stuff. Loooong email with all the details, contacts etc. Not so much as a thank you back or acknowledgement she has received it - then she went on FB and prattled on about they were such great travellers they found all the hidden gems . . . . silly cow. I didn't do it for a big thank you or round of applause but because it gave me pleasure to share what I know about a country that I love. But a thank you would have been nice and polite and not grabby and rude. So I totally get where the OP is coming from.

And Definitely - 6 weeks is a long time with no thank you letters sent out - which has just made me realise we haven't had a thank you letter from a wedding we went to in April . . . . perhaps it's a thing now?

KoalaDownUnder · 14/06/2015 12:52

It's rude and ignorant.

A phone call and/or card to say thank you so much and, oh, by the way, everything was fine at your property when we left...not much to ask.

DefinitelyMaybeBaby · 14/06/2015 12:57

I know it's a long time - I've been toing and froing about whether to just send standard cards without a picture on, coz I hate the thought of people thinking we didn't appreciate the gifts. But the photographer assures me the pics are nearly ready and I think it'll be a nicer keepsake for everyone if it has a photo on it.

BeenWondering · 14/06/2015 13:01

Yabu. A quick phone call to say thanks, we had a great time would have sufficed.

BeenWondering · 14/06/2015 13:01

I mean Yanbu...

Haggisfish · 14/06/2015 13:03

Surely someone else took a half decent photo you could use instead of an official one? Sorry-no thank you cards annoy me, too. Eight weeks is my cut off!

Fatmomma99 · 14/06/2015 13:06

Agree with everyone except Tobysmum and Saucy. It's very rude.

What a lovely MIL you have, Boston.

I totally understand why you're upset on her behalf. Is your DH fuming? Really, he's the one who's best placed to say anything to the bride and groom.

Incidentally, I've been to 4 weddings in the past two years or so. Only one thank you. Assumed people are just rude nowadays.

coolaschmoola · 14/06/2015 13:07

A gift to say thank you for a gift?! Where does it end?!

A thank you card, yes definitely but I agree it's a bit soon for official thank yous. I had over a hundred, all handwritten and personalised, mentioning the individual gift etc. It took me a couple of weeks just to write them all and that was after we received the photos and had the cards printed.

HarrietVane99 · 14/06/2015 13:10

I think if mil wasn't in when they returned the keys, a quick call or text to make sure she found them would have been in order. Then they could have added a few words of thanks. Just dropping the keys off without a word is a bit off, imo, even if 'official' thank yous are going out later. And her parents staying on is definitely out of order.

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