To think it's a cop out when people use the 'just being honest' line to be really hurtful?

[MakeThemEatCake]

Was told today at work by a colleague that I'm very overweight. It's not the first time he's said it either, or the first comment he's made about my appearance and personality. He even saw me taking my antidepressants once and said he's going to take them off me and 'destroy those evil things'...

He looked me up and down today, very concerned, then said: "Wow you really have put on A LOT of weight lately". When I told him how out of order that is to say to a person he told me he was just very worried that I'm ok and then said: "Would you rather I just don't tell you the truth then, and lie when I don't believe in lying? Wtf. I said it's not helpful to say things like that to people who already have low self esteem and that it actually comes across as very rude, but he was unapologetic and maintained that he did me a favour.

I have health issues he has no clue about, physical and mental, and besides all that, my weight (which is not that bad btw) is none of his business!

I'm too polite and 'nice' in rl to say anything to these people who comment on me (others do too in various ways), so I usually make some attempt to defend myself then end up agreeing and even thanking them! I do have very low self esteem and also am crap at confrontation and I think some people sense that in me and go in for the kill.

It just annoys me when people say the most vile, cruel things and then excuse it by adding - "I'm just being honest!"

Oops, accidentally hit 'post'

The very next time the two of you are working together, wait til the place is quiet and just pull him aside for a word. Approach him in a similar manner to how he approaches you so look him up and down and maybe seem like you're debating with yourself whether or not to say anything.

Tell him that you know how much he values and appreciates honesty, that you have been wanting to say something for a while but it's only his recent comments about honesty that have finally spurred you on to be honest with him.

Then tell him he smells. It's really off putting. Nobody wants to be the one to tell him but, considering how strongly he believes in being honest and telling it liked it is and not lying, you've decided it's only fair to him to be honest.

YANBU. Can you perhaps spike his tea with laxatives, or something?

Ha I love the laxatives idea!!! That is the kind of thing I dream about but could never bring myself to do, but it is up there with my list of fantasy revenge moves.

Pumpkinpositive I have wondered this briefly in the past but I don't think he does, I genuinely think he is disgusted by my appearance! He's about 25 years older than me and he kind of talks to me in a 'dad' type fashion sometimes, commenting on my clothes and hair and giving 'advice' about many things including my relationship and just me in general!

I have to say he isn't always horrible, he does say some ok-ish things sometimes and he isn't horrible only to me but bitches about pretty much everyone else too, which I don't like, and I always do stick up for others when he does this.

Adele I will try this, I think it might be the only way as he doesn't pick on people who challenge him (he will just slag them off instead), and I would fully expect he'd carry on behind my back but at least I'd be unaware then.
Telling him he smells would be a complete sucker punch from me, he would NEVER expect me to do that, so I think that's an interesting avenue