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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Picking up friends children

63 replies

SweetieXPie · 13/06/2015 09:36

I have two DC at school and a very active three year old.
My friend has just go a promotion at work which means she will not be arriving at school to pick up her DC (who are in the same classes as mine) for about 20-30 after the bell has gone.
She has been flippantly telling other mums that as we have kids in the same class I could just grab them then wait for her to come to the school to pick them up!!
Now in fairness I do sometimes have a chat and hang around for about 10 mins (but not always)
Tbh I don't want the responsibility, we have always helped each other out here and there but this will end up being for the next 3-4 years, every day!
I genuinely think she hasn't thought it through and thinks that as I am there anyway it will be no problem, but if I have to talk to one of my children's teachers after school or rush off as I have something on after school it is going to become a pain.

OP posts:

clam · 13/06/2015 20:39

"Agree that if you bring up the subject she will construe it as an offer."

No, it will be obvious, by virtue of the fact you're asking, that you aren't intending for it to be you. If you leave it hanging, she will continue to assume that you'll do it by default.

That's all very well, but in reality, because the OP is nice person, she will end up hanging around for those kids because she won't want to see them suffer.

electionfatigue · 13/06/2015 20:44

We all sometimes need this sort of childcare that is for too short a time to e easy to find someone paid. I am already aware that I might need something similar in about a year. So, in about 6 months, I'll probably email everyone in my son's class to find out if anyone is interested in a reciprocal arrangement, where they help me out where I'm stuck and I do something in return at the time of day where they are stuck. That's what a grown-up does, not just assume that you'll do it without even having the balls to ask you!

SaucyJack · 13/06/2015 20:49

Hahaha!! Bless her.

What if it rains? Or in winter when it's freezing? Does she seriously expect you to hang around waiting for her every. fucking. day?

Jog on.

Potterwolfie · 13/06/2015 21:00

Last year I said yes when asked if I could help out occasionally, getting one of DS's classmates to school. 'Occasionally' turned into every morning, after the kid was dropped off at ours before 7am! I've no idea how it happened to be honest, as I didn't ever actually offer. After a couple of months, I told them I couldn't do it any longer (we don't get up til 7am, my Dcs routines were being affected, and honestly, I felt taken advantage of.) but I still felt really bad for a while, like I was letting them down.

Another acquaintance asked if I could pick up her DS and walk him home from school with my DS, then she'd come and collect him 10 mins later once out of work. I did this two days a week, for a year, it wasn't any big deal, and she would buy me little things to say thank you...not that I expected it, but it was a token of appreciation.

I work from home and therefore are seen as 'always there'...but if you day yes once, where does it end? With 30 kids before and after school?!

listsandbudgets · 13/06/2015 21:53

Don't do it op.

Dd has various after school activities and finishes at 4.30 on Monday, 4pm on Tuesday, 4.30 on Wednesday and 3.30 on Thursday and Friday. It's complicated enough as it is. If I had to be there to hang around with someone else's children before dd had even finished it would be a nightmare.

You don't know how things will develop. Don't commit yourself to something that could become more and more inconvenient

expatinscotland · 13/06/2015 22:47

No more hinting! No hinting! 'You do realise you need to make childcare arrangements for your children. I am not available for pick ups and childcare after school.'

AspieAndNT · 13/06/2015 23:02

I don't think she will even ask. I think she will wait until the day and text you with an "emergency" at work that she has to stay for and could you collect the kids. It will then happen again and again and again....

expatinscotland · 13/06/2015 23:08

Yep. That's why it needs to be clear to her. 'You do realise you need to arrange after school childcare for your child, as I am not available for it.'

'Oh, no! I thought . . . But it's next Monday!'

'Oh, dear. We have an appointment on Monday after school. And I am not available for after school childcare.'

'Not even an emergency?'

'Unfortunately, you need to make other arrangements, I am not available for after school childcare.'

'Just the once.'

'We have an appointment. You need to make other arrangements.'

dixiechick1975 · 13/06/2015 23:20

The children walking to her workplace sounds the best option. If it is so near by the time they get there she will just be finishing work and no hassles trying to park. But not your problem to sort out.

IDontDoIroning · 14/06/2015 09:56

If any one else mentions this to you look surprised and say - that's the first I know of it - she should have asked me before she told everyone and she's is going to be very disappointed as I'm not going to be able to do it anyway.

Floggingmolly · 14/06/2015 10:23

Could be a storm in a teacup... She hasn't actually mentioned it to you, has she? Ignore it all until she does; and then say no.
No point in living through a situation umpteen times before it actually happens.

clam · 14/06/2015 10:39

When does she start this new job? If it's not for a week or two, I would make jolly sure that I left the school premises straightaway for the time being, so that she can see that you're not an obvious choice to look out for her kids.

Another option, of course, is to ring her and say that you've heard people saying that she seems to be expecting you to be doing this for her and you want to make her aware that it's not going to be possible. Of course it's not your responsibility to do this, nor should you have to, but it would clear things up once and for all and you could stop stressing about it.

cosmicglittergirl · 14/06/2015 12:41

What flogging said, she's not approached you. Someone could just be taking something she said out of context.

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