To get my kids to ask dog owners if it is okay to stroke their dogs?

[CruCru]

I've been teaching my kids that if they want to stroke a dog, they have to ask the owner if it is okay first. It gets a bit of a mixed reaction - some people are overjoyed that I haven't done that "There is a feral beast, keep away before it eats you" thing. Some people say no because their dog is funny around children (awesome, this is why the kids need to ask first).

However, some people seem to think it's a bit weird for kids to want to stroke their dogs. AIBU to do this? I like dogs a lot (and the kids LOVE them) but don't have one myself (we live in central London, it isn't practical).

From your description it sounds as if owners are trying to be funny/friendly, not that anyone objects to your DC asking?

It's definitely a great idea to ask and I always appreciate it

Really Stars?
I stroked a gorgeous St Bernard yesterday after asking first, just because it was such a lovely looking dog.

Yy to the pp who said about learning about dog manners, to add to that, a wagging tail does not always mean that they are friendly, so many people seem to make that mistake. Also just because they're huge and fluffy that doesn't make them friendly!

I have as I said, I'm obviously the weird one

Ah thanks all, I was wondering whether it was getting on dog owners' nerves.

My dogs adore being stroked and fussed over, but I taught ds to always ask before approaching a dog, and it drives me nuts that people will just come up and stroke without asking.

Stars - I like to fuss other peoples dogs if they are types I like (and I always stop to chat to a sighthound owner), but have no interest in other peoples babies

Totally reasonable. It's a good rule for adults too.

Even if a dog is great with everyone most of the time it might not appreciate someone grabbing it from the rear end if it's just had a bad encounter or something, so asking puts you in the front of the dog being introduced by the owner and reduces the risk to virtually zero if they say yes.

Even if your very young child reaches out to the dog before you get a yes, at least you're in that front of dog, next to owner position, which means that even an unfriendly dog doesn't feel very threatened and is more likely to move away and/or growl than bite.

I also live in Central London and have never had anyone be offended at my daughter asking to stroke their dog. Very slightly annoyed, perhaps, probably because they were on their way somewhere and we didn't realise, but then I notice that and make it a short visit.

It's also a good idea to have a culture of asking because it means that people with dogs who don't like kids have an easier time of it taking their dogs on walks on leads. Those dogs are not necessarily nasty wannabee child-eaters, but maybe they just had surgery so are sensitive, or are mistreated rescue dogs being gradually introduced to the world - dogs don't learn instantly any more than children do. The people I know with such dogs avoid school kick-out times and such but they can't avoid kids totally and having parents ask first would help.

I think you anbu. I do the same with my dd. she is dog mad for some reason...
It was funny when she picked up a lolly stick to throw for a pup in the park. Great Dane pup. He was handsome!

YANBU!

I like children to ask and I like it when they stroke her. Also I show them how to do it if they are small, rather than a hand coming down on the top of her head I tell them to gently put their hand low down in front of her and then once she sees that they just want to stoke her then can stroke her down her back or tickle her ears.

Today one of the dog owners ignored DS when he went to ask her. It's possible that she didn't hear him or was foreign and didn't understand him.

Definitely YANBU! I wish everyone did this - not just children! We have an incredibly cute puppy who we have been taking pains to train to not jump up when he greets people. That means never ever fussing him until he has four paws firmly on the floor. It's tricky when people come rushing over and get him all hyped up and encourage the jumping (which admittedly isn't an issue while he's a cute little puppy - but it really will be once he's a full-grown vizsla). And also, puppies, while cute, are likely to be mouthy and nip with very sharp teeth - I don't want to be responsible for your children or anyone getting a play bite. I always warn parents and direct kids to stay away from the sharp end if they still want to stroke him (he is very very friendly really and thankfully the nippy stage passed quite quickly). Don't get me started on the people who come over and shove their hands straight into his mouth - argh! It undoes so much hard work.

I think it's going to be a disappointment to him when people stop crossing the road to say hello to him when he's not so cute any more! He already doesn't understand that not everyone wants to say hello all the time!

We have a dog who loves to be fussed by anyone. I'm always glad when either the parent or child asks first though even if Eric just laps up any attention thrown his way.I absolutely hate it when random children run over without checking first even though I'm 99% certain they are safe because I think every dog has potential to act out of character.

my DS always asks even though until recently we had a German shepherd. he is 6 and he knows that all dogs are different and some may be scared, or nervous of children and that some may not be trained very well etc so he will always ask first and sit there for ages when he is allowed
my dog was very boisterous and would get excited if a child ran over to him (he was always kept on the lead around others) and try to play, which meant they would see this big lump of fur jumping and being a divvy with me having to shout stop to the kids before they get slobbered all over. if they approached calmly and asked then he was fine and would happily sit and get attention from anyone.
surely asking is the right thing to do, I preferred it as it kept everyone calmer (dog and children) but I have come across people who are really miserable and grumpy and ask why DS is asking erm, in case your dog is vicious... I would think that was obvious. not all dogs are friendly.

It's definitely the right thing to do. My little cousin has had it drilled into her since she could walk & talk that she has to ask first (which is very often because she loves dogs!). I'll certainly be doing the same with DD when she's old enough.

Yanbu my dog is a bit scared of little children so if parents ask it gives us time to get him to sit nice sometimes we say know cos he is being a pain its better being asked than hildren lunging and scaring them

YANBU. I wish that everyone was like you.
Stars, you're unusual in the dog owning/dog loving stakes. There's little that gives me more pleasure than to meet and fuss a new dog. I'm forever stopping in the high street to make new canine friends!

YANBU I was taught to ask as a child and have done exactly the same thing with my children and mindees.

No* obv. I always got dds to ask too

That's what I've taught my DCs To do.

YANBU and if people don't want random people stroking their dogs they only have To say - no. As long as people are not persistant after being told no there's no need for anything else.

May I just ask AliceAnneB why never hug a dog? Is that a dog who doesn't know you or all dogs? We have dogs and one of my DDs hugs them but knows To let go if they pull away or wriggle even a little.

YANBU, I would much prefer if people ask to stroke our dog. He is very cute and gets lots of attention but has been known to bite when people grab his snout, but a pat on the head always goes down well

YANBU. I wish everyone would do this. One of my dogs loves to be fussed by anyone/ everyone whereas the other one really doesn't like it and might snap if I didn't stop strangers randomly stroking him. Have to be very vigilant as he's really cute ands kids tend to make a beeline for him. He's never left unattended obviously.

AdoraBell

I know that my dog hates hugs from anyone but me - he will growl and has even snapped at DP's ear when he hugged him and didn't let go. It's not like DP is a new person in his life either, we got him together when he was 10 weeks old.

I, however, can play with him like a ragdoll and suffer no consequences

No, I think is the best thing to do!

The main problem with my dog would be that once he is being made a fuss of, he doesn't want to stop.

Frankly the people who see it as a bit weird for kids to like dogs? Their dogs might not have been brought up child friendly, anyway.

YADNBU I have two dogs, one loves fuss and I am happy for anyone to stroke him. The other I would not trust to not nip someone who just pounced on him. If people ask I always say that ones fine but not that one and always praise children that ask and am quick to say don't touch them to those who don't just in case.

I witnessed an incident in pet shop before hen a younger girl was told repeatedly by a woman not to touch her chihuahua and the girl kept wailing doggie and trying to get to it, the dog was yapping and not happy, woman couldn't pick her her dog up to try and stop the girl and as she had hands full the girl ran and pounced on dog and dog snipped at her. The mother of said girl gave round of abuse to dog owner - I personally thought it should have been the other way round. Surely if an adult asks you to leave their dog alone as a parent you would step in.

I petted some sort of mountain bearpuppy last week in pets at home people were queuing to have a squidge it was so cute i might have squeed a little petting dogs is lovely its theraputic