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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To blank someone at the school gates who has stopped speaking to me?

62 replies

Nuggie1 · 10/06/2015 16:46

A mum aquaintance who used to be a reasonably good friend (but we had drifted apart), had a go at me on Facebook for not inviting her to my birthday dinner. She adid this in a group on FB which contained fsome mutual friends.
We had a spat, where I said I didn't have to invite her. Then I unfriended her and the next time I saw her I looked at her to see if she would smile and she turned her ack.
I don't want to make up with her as I did nothing wrong but lots of mutual friends want me to talk to her to sort it out. Why should I? I did nothing wrong!

OP posts:

steff13 · 10/06/2015 17:13

I don't invite every person I know to every function I have, but if someone asked me why they weren't invited, I would be honest and tell them that I felt we had grown apart, and that I was sorry if I had hurt their feelings.

morethanpotatoprints · 10/06/2015 17:14

Are you 7 and using mummys Mnet account?

BettyCatKitten · 10/06/2015 17:15

The curse of FB!

findingmyfeet12 · 10/06/2015 17:17

Do people seriously complain in public about not being invited to stuff?

Aside from that, given the spat, why would you even look towards her for acknowledgement at the school gate? Surely it's obvious that the two of you wont be speaking any time soon?

EmmaGellerGreen · 10/06/2015 17:20

Well given that you are an adult, you were BU for having a "spat" on Facebook and defriending her. Washing dirty linen in public is rarely a good plan.

BifsWif · 10/06/2015 17:21

Doesn't unfriending her on Facebook send a clear message that you aren't friends? Why would she then want to speak to you?

YABU

SaucyJack · 10/06/2015 17:23

Ok then. Sensible answer. Has she previously done something to hurt you? How many other school-mum friends did you invite?

I don't invite everyone I've ever met to everything admittedly- but I would not go out of my way to deliberately exclude a member of my friendship group from a night out somewhere that I wasn't paying for didn't have limited numbers- in fact I might even be looking forward to having a catch-up with them.

Incandescentage · 10/06/2015 17:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TeacupTravels · 10/06/2015 17:24

You had a spat in public, then unfriended her....

... and wonder why she's not talking to you?!?!? Nothing to do with the dinner, but the way you handled it!

flowery · 10/06/2015 17:28

I'm also intrigued about the logistics of blanking someone who is not speaking to you.

LazyLouLou · 10/06/2015 17:28

So... she threw her rattle out of the pram on fb and now doesn't talk to you because you told her the truth and then defriended her because she was making a scene over your birthday invitations?

YANBU. She's a poppet princess and needs to get over her sense of self importance.

TwartFaceBeetj · 10/06/2015 17:29

You're not a Wendy are you? And this other person a wendied?

That would make more sense.....

HeyDuggee · 10/06/2015 17:30

if someone I'm no longer close to was rude to me because I chose not to invite her to something, and angrily and publicly confronted me demanding to know why... I would not apologise. That's a bit like when someone runs into you and you still mutter "sorry".

Momagain1 · 10/06/2015 17:30

Of course it wasnt an oversight. You think you have drifted so far apart that you arent friends anymore. Her statement indicated she thought you were still friends, but that life has been getting in the way. Of course the response is something kind that implies you regret the mistake.

Why have you drifted? If there is no particular reason on your side, can it be that she has been struggling with issues you dont even know about. What you saw as a dwindled friendship she may have seen as a someday when things are better lifeline.

Hoppinggreen · 10/06/2015 17:33

Sorr she blanked you first so you are now the blanked rather than the blanker.
You'll have to be a bit quicker off the mark next time - or maybe you could just, you know, grow up?

Fluffcake · 10/06/2015 17:33

Since when did we have to invite people we are not close to, to a birthday dinner? For all we know numbers may have been restricted and op may have had to limit her guests. If op (unintentionally) hurt this woman's feelings and apologised, I don't think there is much she can now do. I think it was quite rude of this woman to have a moan on Fb about not being invited and rather passive agressive. Would have been much better to talk face to face. I think unfriending her was a bit childish - in hindsight, op should have just blocked her.

Momagain1 · 10/06/2015 17:35

I don't necessarily mean smile but I thought maybe she would feel bad for having a public go over something so petty.

Well, it might have been able to reach this point if you hadnt thrown your toys out of the pram about it.

However I don't see why I have to be the one to try to smooth it over when I did nothing wrong

You tossed her surprise at being excluded in her face, and unfriended her. You got the last word, so any making up does indeed have to come from you. You are the one that needs to make things OK for your mutual friends.

ImperialBlether · 10/06/2015 17:37

Eh? Is this a reverse?

We had a spat, where I said I didn't have to invite her. Then I unfriended her and the next time I saw her I looked at her to see if she would smile

Why the hell would she want to smile at you?

FiveExclamations · 10/06/2015 17:48

IMO YANU for not inviting her to the party.

She was U for having a go at you on Facebook.

You were not exactly unreasonable in engaging in the spat, I imagine you were embarrassed and feeling defensive, but it would have been better if you'd taken the high road and dealt with it in person e.g. "sorry you were upset, but there were only so many people I could invite and we haven't seen much of each other lately".

You were not exactly unreasonable for de-friending her, but it wasn't the kind of move that was likely to defuse the situation, again, it loses you the high road.

You were not unreasonable to look to see how she was going to react to you, you are not unreasonable to not extend an olive branch if you don't want to, you would be unreasonable to expect your other friends to pick sides.

That's what I think anyway.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 10/06/2015 17:53

Toys out of pram OP?

ceebelle83 · 10/06/2015 17:55

I think you both belong in the primary school playground, tbh.

Coconutty · 10/06/2015 17:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mamus · 10/06/2015 17:59

So you want her to smile so that you can blank her?

If your friends are suggesting that you be the one to make an effort to sort it out, it sounds like general opinion is that you were the one in the wrong in the first place, tbh.

Incandescentage · 10/06/2015 18:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumeeee · 10/06/2015 18:03

YABU. You shouldn't have had a spat on Facebook and then unfriended her. It seems to me that you really hurt her feelings. I think your friends are right and you need to make an effort to speak to her and sort it out.

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