To think counselling isn't always the answer to any problem

[Cheesenredonion]

Any problem relating to low self esteem or difficulties in childhood, that is.

I wish people would acknowledge that firstly counselling is out of reach of most people due to the cost. I know it is available on the NHS in some areas, but this tends to be for limited periods (it's 6 sessions here) and there's a long waiting list.

Plus, although depression and anxiety are medical issues some problems are not. Having a difficult childhood isn't, having slightly low self esteem isn't, and so on.

It's not always easy to get to if you have young children and/or don't drive.

Also, is it effective for everybody? I'm concerned as I feel counselling is, to be blunt, the new cure-all, but I don't think it's helpful for everybody but every problem on here at the moment - 'get counselling!'

I have had counselling which I didn't feel was enormously helpful, but this isn't saying it is never helpful - it's saying its a possibility amongst other possibilities.

I've just read through this thread with interest, as a counsellor currently on a break. I've worked with the NHS and with a national charity meeting, working with a mix of clients and other counsellors. It's important that counselling as a profession doesn't shy away from scrutiny nor answers concerns with defensiveness. Even if it can be a little harder for complete transparency because of the nature of the business and the imperative of confidentiality.

I have trained and worked with, both personally and professionally, some highly effective and ethical individuals but I have also come across some that I would have grave concerns about. Is this any different to other professions? Well no, but the potential for harm is greater in an arena of mental health vulnerability. And that is a major drawback to giving the advice of choosing wisely. It is often at a time of extreme vulnerability that we seek counselling and so choosing wisely is sometimes hard to do. My red flags are listening to my gut feeling if it doesn't feel right and walking away if there is an expectation of endless counselling sessions.

Actively listening to someone and offering them empathy, not judging them and being honest and real is hard hard work. It is often the only hour of complete freedom a person can have to openly explore all that's going on inside them without being judged or silenced. For this to happen there has to be mutual trust between the two and a relationship of this purity is often hard to come by in real life. The client has to work hard and the counsellor works hard. It isn't a friendship, it's a working relationship.

As individuals in society I think we all bear a share of responsibility to listen to those around us and try and walk in another's shoes for a mile. It's difficult. Most of us want a fix and counselling has been sold as a fix. So when a friend is struggling we suggest counselling. Maybe the counselling relationship does help the friend but she needs the support of her friends too and often an individual feels more unsupported in this counselling era because her own network have handed over responsibility to the "expert".

Counselling can be life changing and life saving, with an unethical counsellor it can also be unhelpful and dangerous. Just as with every other service in life you need to choose wisely. If in doubt walk away and try someone else.

Great post annie

annie, I could not agree with you more.

I feel that the counselling industry does have a downside which isn't often talked about. Many therapists see it as a personal critism if someone says that counselling does not work or worst still makes them more ill. (Afterall if someone is "mental" (horrid word, I am being diliberately provocative) their opinons or thoughts cannot not be deemed valid among health professionals.)

"Counselling can be life changing and life saving, with an unethical counsellor it can also be unhelpful and dangerous. Just as with every other service in life you need to choose wisely. If in doubt walk away and try someone else."

Many clients are not knowledgable enough to spot an unsuitable counsellor before it is too late and the damage has already been done. A client often has no idea what they are getting themselves into. There is a tenancy for the counselling industry and health professionals to blame the client rather than admit that the counselling approach is wrong for a particular client.

Issues like transference and counter transferance are an area of research and not fully understood. A client rarely has any undestanding of transference and it might emotionally affect them. Counsellors should have training and support to help them with counter tranference, but sometimes they get overwellmed.

I absolutely agree with everything FSlipper has posted on this thread so far. I am someone who needed to 'sit on their fanny' and cry solidly for 3 sessions before even attempting any CBT strategies. I felt very safe with my counsellor and I was never able to cry in front of friends even though they are very supportive.

I don't think you are alone in your view OP.

www.theguardian.com/society/2014/may/26/misjudged-counselling-psychological-therapy-harmful-study-reveals

Counselling can do more harm than good

When it's bad to talk

Debriefing can actually make it more likely for the individual to get post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)," says Peter Fonagy, professor of clinical psychology at University College London and a practising psychoanalyst. Reflecting this new caution, British military personnel who suffer trauma are now given at least a month to talk to family, friends and colleagues before professional help is suggested.

I think the idea of counselling can be a way of acceptably saying - I don't want to hear about this or offer you support.

I suspect that probably very true with grief - in our society grief and death do seem to be brushed under the carpet and no one wants to talk about or deal emotionally with it and at same time many of the older rituals surrounding deaths have disappeared.

Really do you actually have any counselling qualifications?

Counsellors who are working ethically all access minimum CPD (I do far more than the minimum as do most counsellors I know) and explore transference and counter transference extensively in supervision.

There is often a misconception about going over past events.

In my opinion it's so important because it helps to understand feelings that are projected onto/into people and situations in the present but actually belong in the past. And sometimes the first session or two are used for talking about the past because it really helps the therapist to have a history of the patient's life in order to begin to identify these patterns and links.

Sometimes therapy does take several months or years and when I was working in private practice I was honest about this with patients. They are also free to end at any time. It might seem therapists want to stretch out the therapy to make money from it, and of course this is complicated in private practice.

Saying that, I know very few therapists who are getting a high income from just doing private practice. The therapist is paying for room hire, supervision, insurance, CPD, publicity etc. and has no sick pay or paid holidays. I admit to feeling defensive when people suggest therapists should offer a free first session - why should we work for free, no one would suggest a hairdresser offers the first cut and colour free.

Transference is well known to all 'helping' professionals
Counsellors and therapists are supervised rigorously and are trained to question not only what is being said in the room but also in what is going on and not being said.

Often counselling and therapy is unsatisfactory for both parties for a while but it is the goal to move forward together safely that often makes the most difference ime

Quite often therapists kick themselves for inaccurate empathy or an unsubtle challenge but if a patient knows it has happened clumsily but for the right reason it is often overlooked.
Sometimes a therapist moves too quickly for the patient due to the time constraints placed upon them by the number of sessions they are afforded. All this can feel wrong if the patient is delicate and/or resistant.

My general understanding is that given the option the therapist wouldn't rush building a bond or allowing things to sit with a client but financial restraint driven by the NHS etc has undermined their best therapeutic aims.
Sometimes a defensive or resistant patient will try to shift responsibility to counsellor failing rather than speak honestly about what is or isn't working. Often however the therapist will address this before it occurs and good movement can start.

As I said before there are still unfortunately good and bad in all professions. Listening and empathy can be impacted by all manner of things in a counsellor's life and therefore can at times be patchy. Hopefully the therapist and their supervisor spot this and rectify.
Therapists are v highly qualified, regulated, supervised and often unpaid/underpaid for the work that they provide. I fail to see them as a fly by night or unthoughtful/ uncaring group of people. sometimes we need to kiss a few frogs....

My experience is variable but for me even the 'crap' therapy gave me something later.

Really I'm not not a counsellor or psychotherapist. But I do work with patients in private practice. Even we were taught about transference and contra transference.
Because it happens A LOT in any clinical encounter.

A counsellor who would have heard about transference would be very surprising for me.

Having said that, I know of some people who have done a couple of weeks training and then could call themselves 'counsellors' and were, allegedly, able to see clients. That I would be weary about and I certainly would and have checked the training of the counsellor.
My experience with friends around me is that Relate, for example, doesn't always have properly trained counsellors which then creates lots of problems when couples are actually dealing with abusive behaviour and it's not spotted by said counsellor.

Don't you mean a counsellor who would not have heard a bout T or CT would be very surprising to you