To ask my friend to give my fiancé a hug?

[PollyCazaletWannabe]

My fiancé and I are in a long distance relationship at the moment- we haven't seen each other since the end of March but will be together again permanently in August . He works in a big city abroad where he basically has no close friends, only colleagues. One of my old female friends also lives in the same city. I put them in touch and they met up for a coffee recently and got on well. I was really pleased for my DP because I thought it was nice that he had met a like-minded person at last- I knew they'd get on as they have a lot in common.

Anyway, tonight my DP went to an event also attended by my friend. I knew they were both going and messaged my friend asking her to give DP a hug from me. She did so. DP was pleased, as he has found it difficult only having 'professional' contact for so long. We are both pretty tactile people- I hug my friends and family all the time, and I can't imagine not having a hug for months.

When I told my mum about this, she was horrified. She said that I was 'throwing them together' and 'encouraging them' and lots of other things which really upset me, because the thought of anything going on between my female friend and my DP had never even entered my head. AIBU to think my mum is a loon? Or am I being naive here?

[Gottagetmoving]

I do think some women are a bit naive when it comes to men's attitude to sex. Men tend not to see a sexual encounter as romantic or about love. Some women don't either but more so men
I doubt many men would tell their partners that they would succumb to another woman's advances given the opportunity and without any chance of being found out. They say what you want to hear.
That doesn't mean all men would cheat. Many would never get the opportunity unless they sought it out and certainly not all men would do that.
It's not cynical, it's just realistic.

[katese11]

Blimey! Am I right in thinking your sex appeal is so boundless, so irresistible, so impossible to restrain, that any man who finds himself alone with you abandons common sense & decency in his lust-driven amnesia?

This is such a stupid comment that I can hardly be bothered addressing it but I will.

Did I say anything about lust? No. Sexiness? No. I'm talking about feeling emotionally bonded to someone who is not your dh in a way that is getting towards the way you feel about your dh. The "uncomfortable place" I mentioned has nothing to do with men throwing themselves at me. .. It's to do with me starting to think about them in a way that's not lustful but is a bit too fond. And that's the start of an emotional affair

I can't believe I had to spell it out but there we go. Was trying not to be too explicit (no, not in that way) about my own experience but you pushed me into it. And yes, emotional affairs can be as damaging as physical ones and yes, they can occur in an otherwise happy marriage. HTH.

[Gilrack]

Well, I was being a bit tongue-in-cheek (mine, no-one else's.) But seeing as that ship has sailed, I'll simply reiterate that I have close, long-term, male friends and nothing 'uncomfortable' has ever happened despite plenty of regular one to one alone time. Same for most of my friends. Since you say this always happens with you, something's different. Perhaps not uncontrollable sex appeal after all.

[katese11]

It's a bit of a sensitive subject with me . For whatever reason, people tend to open up to me... And that can get to an emotionally confusing place. And has caused hurt and misunderstandings in the past. I def don't ooze sex appeal. I have two small children so mostly ooze whatever they've been eating and have left on the sofa. ...