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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to throw daughters skirt and top away

76 replies

ghostspirit · 09/06/2015 20:56

my daughter has bought a skirt and top on ebay it came from china. its totaly see through as in i can see her skin. she says she wants other peoples opions because im just being difficult about what shes wearing which is not true she wears what she wants. only issue i have is this skirt and top and cheap leggings from primark that are also see through.

she will be 18 next month

OP posts:
Original poster
ghostspirit · 09/06/2015 21:43

i dont tell her what to wear this is only the 2nd issue. ie the leggings and the skirt... i will leave her to it. although i will suggest the shorts thing to her never know she might agree

OP posts:
msgrinch · 09/06/2015 21:45

Women get raped in tracksuits. Don't victim blame by suggesting low cut or see through clothing cause "dodgy people" to assault women. It's just another yabu... wah no I'm not thread, clearly.

Perfectlypurple · 09/06/2015 21:46

Agree about the dodgy people won't care what she is wearing and sounds like a bit of victim blaming to suggest clothing will mean someone more likely to get attacked.

You can tell her you would rather she didn't wear it and why but if she still chooses too then not a lot you can do.

ragged · 09/06/2015 21:48

tbh, I'm finding that see-through look pretty ordinary now.
As long as it's not sheer underwear with white tights/leggings, I expect she'll manage.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 09/06/2015 21:50

msgrinch no its not another yabu...no im not thread...i have listend to people and taken things on board...and also listend to suggesions..and yes i have said some of my concerns/worrys thats so i can discuss them with people here rather than it stay an issue

OP posts:
DinosaursRoar · 09/06/2015 21:51

OP, if you tell her that by wearing something more cover up she's 'safer' you are giving her a very dangerous message. She's a young woman, it's the behaviour of the people around her and the situations she's in (eg how isolated from other people who might step in to help her/witnesses), not what she's wearing that will determine if she's safe or not.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 09/06/2015 21:53

i agree people should be able to wear what they want without fearing they could be attacked. and i would never ever blame the victim..

OP posts:
Original poster
ghostspirit · 09/06/2015 21:56

dinosaur no i have never told her such a thing. never would...

OP posts:
Maryz · 09/06/2015 21:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Maryz · 09/06/2015 21:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DinosaursRoar · 09/06/2015 22:00

It's hard to accept that she's now going out into the world and will more and more be in dangerous situations. I look back and wonder about how lucky I was, the silly risks I took and my friends as well - I'm terrified of my DCs not being quite so lucky.

Yet unless you try to keep her in the house, you can't stop her being at risk. And I can see why you'd try so hard to limit the risk and worry. But really, focus on making sure she's sensible when out, has sensible ways to get home, stays with her friends, not what she wears. That's not going to reduce the risks at all - sadly, it's not that easy.

MisForMumNotMaid · 09/06/2015 22:02

When i was a late teen there was a phase of wonder bras and granny pants being seen as an outfit.

I remember a friends dad refusing to drive her out until she put some clothes on, so she put a sheer tshirt over the top.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 09/06/2015 22:08

hit nail on head dino i used to talk my friends home then walk home late at night taking short cuts...and i am very lucky with her..i ask her to be in by 11 if shes on her own. if shes with her boyfriend then when ever as long as they communicate. in reality she could tell me to pee off but she does not. so in the light of it im quite lucky

maryz yes i agree...

OP posts:
PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 09/06/2015 22:13

I would encourage her to bin them. Offer to buy the same outfit that is better quality.

morelikeguidelines · 10/06/2015 08:19

She can wear what she wants aged 18. She will look silly if what you say is true but that is her look out. Seeing teenagers underwear seems to be pretty standard but doesn't mean they don't look silly.

Think of the poor people in the sweat shops having to make that crap if anything.

morelikeguidelines · 10/06/2015 08:44

Ps I'm not sure giving her a later time to come home when she is with her boyfriend is a good idea, as it suggests men should be allowed more freedom than women or that she needs a male chaperone.

Advising her to be home 11 either way sounds more sensible.

Also agree that dodgy people won't care what she is wearing.

snowglobemouse · 10/06/2015 08:51

Just be honest and tell her. DD, it's see through, it's indecent, you look like a stupid slapper in it

what the FUCK? you'd say that to your daughter?!

this thread is so depressing

LIZS · 10/06/2015 08:57

offer to take a pic of her in them so she can see what you see.

Quiero · 10/06/2015 09:02

I think it's ok to offer clothes advice to your daughter of any age. Depends how you go about it though, it's tricky.

Definitely don't go down the indecency route, that's a dangerous message to send her. It's not really about that, it's more that the clothes look ridiculous. She probably knows this already but will be being stubborn as you've had a go at her.

Tell her you've changed your mind and were wrong. In fact tell her you're getting a see through skirt too and you could go out together in them. She'll soon bin it Grin

LadyCuntingtonThe3rd · 10/06/2015 09:22

I hated my younger sister's jumpsuit. She looked like she is wearing a rubbish bag.
I told her that she can wear it only when there's no chance I will be seen with her on the street. She decided not to wear it. Now it's too small to. Happy days.
I suppose my sister is just more reasonable than other teenagers.

Mrsjayy · 10/06/2015 09:49

Id imagine she would be wearing underwear so not naked underneath i would just tell her it is see through and leave it at that she is 17 not 7 you cant decide what is decent or not just tell her the truth and its up to her if she wears them or not

Getthewonderwebout · 10/06/2015 09:55

people may make assumptions regarding her promiscuity though...

Cannot believe I just read this.Shock

Minifingers9 · 10/06/2015 11:00

All my beliefs about not saying anything re: 15 year old dd's clothes go out the window when confronted by - literally - 4 inches of her 34GG cleavage (in a cheap mini-dress), as she goes to leave the house of an evening.

I think teenagers forget that the majority of people who'll be enjoying the sight of their bits when they're wearing clothes which are very revealing will be learing middle-aged men, not fit boys.

But then dd is still only 15, not 18.

jay55 · 10/06/2015 11:05

18 is the perfect time to make fashion mistakes.

Minifingers9 · 10/06/2015 11:06

"people may make assumptions regarding her promiscuity though...

Cannot believe I just read this."

Many men who our dd's encounter in day to day life will be sexist twats who'll make assumptions about their availability on the basis of the way they're presenting themselves.

All power to them if they're able to cope with horrible, leering comments and constant sexual harassment. They are stronger women than me. I personally like to go about my business without being casually harassed by creepy men, but that's just me not that it's a massive problem these days considering the way I look